Perfectme

Same Script , different cast.....

2012-02-12T12:59:00.000-08:00

Well if you know me well..... You would know I absolutely adored whitney houston growing up, not just her, but mariah, celine dion and gloria estefan,in my eyes the greatest singers of my time as a teenager, I've always loved a a ballad, a crooner and always will.

When I found out about her death my friend said " oh dill your not gonna write a tribute on her website are you, like you did with aaliyah?" I initially thought, no way...im not that sad nowadays..but actually I am.. even worse so nowadays !! I couldn't stop thinking about her and what she meant to me growing up and through the years. What her music meant me to.

I think it was a girl called 'sara lovatell' who made me fall in love with her , watching her sing "the greatest love of all " in our music room to our singing teacher Mr Elvie, had me in trance while she auditioned for him for our school concert. I wanted to be her, as good as her singing that song, I knew I'd never be a Whitney, but watching her sing was amazing enough and sparked my love for her music.

Now our school concerts were a big part of my life at school, music was a huge part of my life, then now and always be and has always been the way that connects you to certain events in your life.

Myself and my besties would spend hours practising, rehearsing and trying to get as close to our idols as possible In copying their words well enough to be able to perform at our school concerts, we of course we would never match them but we tried hard and the whole performance, build up practising and hours spent singing in our bedrooms was worth every second for the grand finale, maybe not for those listening but for us amazing times and amazing memories.

How many of us grew up with singers such as whitney, they have taken us through some great moments of our lives , sad and happy and even though we may not have known them personally we feel we have a connection with them, from singing in concerts,singing in our bedrooms with hairbrushes, to singing in our cars now still at the top of our voices or dancing to their music in bars.

Whitney for me was and always be my all time favourite and wil be remembered for bringing me the memories that I share with my best friends , not for how she may have just died in the same way as so many as our best and most gifted musicians do nowadays.

So to that end , my favourite whitney songs,

1. The greatest love of alll.

2.Same script different cast

3.heartbreak hotel.

4. Saving all my love for you

5.I wanna dance with somebody

xx

First year of forever ... xx

2012-02-09T04:03:00.000-08:00

Where has this year gone?

A year ago on the 10th February 2011, I was on a plane on my way to chicago to meet Charley and embark on a life changing experience - I didn't know then ,where the year would take me, where I would end up or what to expect.

I suppose I have always been a bit of a creature of habit so giving up all my friends and family to do go and do god knows what, was a big deal. I didn't think I'd cope or survive without my friends but I have ..only for the fact I have skype and a blackberry...none the less .... Not the same though.

But from the minute I landed and finally found Charley (after waiting in the wrong terminal for half an hour ) I knew whatever happened I was gonna be ok, and I knew that I wouldn't ever leave him ( as I'd definitly get lost for a start )!!!

This year has been the best year of my life so far -of course it has been life changing,for the better, I've been lucky enough to experience different countries meet family I had not seen in over 28 years,get to know my new family better and make friends along the way. Oh and of course get engaged and plan a wedding !!!

Australia has been amazing ( I say that as the sun is blazing hot and I have a weekend off to celebrate our anniversary and valentines ) but it has been great, the beaches, the city life in Melbourne, New years eve in Sydney, Bondi, the harbour bridge, and this weekend we will be spending in Albert Park which is my favourite place outside Melbournes cbd, and going to St Kilda festival- which I haven't been to before. We have had some amazing days and nights here already with some amazing friends who have made us all feel so welcome and at home.

Chicago I still think is my favourite place I have been to so far, maybe because it is where we first met again and began our life together, I don't know, but just the city the people the atmosphere, all amazing, Minnesota to visit my cousin, Canada to see friends which although was minus 15 some days was so much fun, New Zealand for a few days........ I still have some amazing places to still visit on our honeymoon in indonesiat, another place I never imagined I would visit, Bali in itself is going to be amazing and I am counting down the days ....x

A year ago I never imagined or thought I'd be as fortunate enough to ever get to see any of these places .... but I have and am so glad that I made the deicison last year.

So the risk was well worth it, and I only have Charley to thank for it, for without him none of it would be possible and I wouldn't be about to embark on the next most important chapter of my life , our marriage ....which is only 11 weeks away!!

How life changes ...........in just one year, heres to the next chapter x x

What has this last year taught me?

2011-12-15T03:28:00.000-08:00

Wow ........ What a year it has been so far since my dad died.

I think after I promised him and myself that I would do well and make the right decisions from then on.... I have. I quit my job, left my friends and even changed countries.
I have lived purely for myself and my own happiness and made decisions I never thought I was capable of before now.

My dad dying changed things for me and made me realise that life is too short and not only that that I had to wake up and make better decisions in my life for me but decisions that affected my family
Not float through life from one bad relationship to another letting people take me for granted and being someone who I really wasn't
I'm only sad that charley never got to meet my dad and him charley... He would have loved to have known him and been happy that at last a good decent honest man was going to be looking after me forever .

This last year I have got to travel a bit more see places I never thought I would,re unite with family I haven't seen in 28 years and get enagaged to a man I never thought would love me again like he does.

Although I have missed my friends and family I have been able to see for myself what I want and what at last makes me happy. None of what I ever thought would before.
What I have now and what I imagined I would have at this age are so opposite its unreal... But how happy I am .
The book I just finished reading called "marry me ' the case for settling for mr good enough...helped me realise even more what you often think is what you deserve or what you want is never what you end up with and that's for the better ....... The bad boys you chase year after year.... the good looking womanisers ... the mr popular .....the young single men..... What is it that they offer you that your current good man doesn't have ......?
Why do we always look for what we don't have ? Why can't we be happy and appreciate ( if its good ) what we have in front of us ........... Many of us chase something we know little about but think we do.

If you are in a relationship, dating married or single.... This book is for you.

My mum and dad argued, argued over work, over money, over me..... for years I wondered why she would stay when he was always working so late every night at home, but now I know .... He worked every day late so I would have the opportunities I had , live in the house I did, go to the scools I went to , meet the people I met , have the friends I do and love me more than anyone ever could, and more than anyone would my mum, he loved her and he provided for her and would never ever have hurt her. And she saw and knew that. The decsisions he made every day were for me. For us as a family.

Yes he could be a pain and not cook or pick up his socks ..but he loved her and not a day in their 50 odd year marriage did he not say I love you or give her a kiss, without fail every day.

That's what this year has taught me ..... To love again and appreciate love, may this be the first of many xxx

Thank you dad xxx and thank you Charley xx your both the true loves of my life xxxx

No matter where you are, its your friends who make your world.

2011-05-30T05:52:00.000-07:00

Being on the other side of the world is hard. Even when you are with the man you love, you still miss your girls. Girls need girls, for all manner of daily needs. For example:

a.to talk about men
b.to moan about men
c.to talk about work
d.to moan about work
e.to talk about other friends
f.to moan about other friends
g.to celebrate together
h.to drown our sorrows together
i.to shop when we have money
j.to shop when we dont have money but have a credit card
h.to shop when we are sad
i. to shop when we are happy etc etc etc

GIRLS NEED GIRLS . Fullstop.

We can't do all the things with our men that you can with your girls. Its not the same, men understand but girls know, and when they don't you moan about the girls to your man ! We all know where Im coming from.

So when I left my very solid group of girlfriends, which was the hardest thing I have ever done, it was almost unbearable. I sobbed and sobbed saying goodbye, I am going to miss out on so many things in the flesh that you just can't feel when you are near them, like the birth of my best friends baby, watching their children grow, building relationships as their Aunty and sharing with them all of the things above and the daily ups and downs of life. No one will ever replace them, and they will forever be as close to me as they have been.

Coming to a new country to start a new life, you don't know what is ahead, you don't know who your going to meet, who you are going to like and who will become your new group of friends. Will people understand your ways, your personality, your humour. No one knows you like your friends, so you have to build new relationships all over again. All you know it was your told.

For me, I am completely alien to this country, nothing is familiar, nothing is understood yet, so I am starting all over. There is very little I know, so finding friends to help me is not going to happen overnight. I couldnt expect to waltz in and make new friends straight away.

Well luckily for me I did. I have a new family here in my partners, and they all are not much younger than me so I have friends that they have introduced me to. My fiancee Charley also has many friends here from his time spent living here before so I have quickly been introduced to all of them who have all made me feel so welcome, and with Charley being away they have gone to all efforts to make sure I am ok.

I am very lucky that the friends I have made in my few weeks here so far have all been amazing. They have taken me in as such, taught me things about the country I am now living in, shown me the ways, introduced me to their friends, and most of all made me feel like I am now home from home, and included me to become part of their lives, as though I have always been around.

I am fortunate that I have found them and hope that this is the beginning of a long lasting friendship here in Australia and that even if this is not where we end up staying forever I now have new friends for life ( as long as they dont write anything nasty on my facebook wall, when I announce my engagement ) !!!!!!!!! DANI...................

So, to my soon to be in-laws, neices and nephew ( well you already are really) for all welcoming me into your home and accepting me, and for introducing me to your own friends. Thank you.

Dani and Renee, this blog is for you..... a dedication, I know you both in particular have not stopped harping on about getting a mention, so here it is, and to everyone else I have met so far, Thank you. I hope that I can bring you in friendship as much as you bring me and more.

Australia is looking very promising as a my new home.

Goodnight, and remember tomorrow is a new day.

xxxxx

A lovely love story xxxxxx ( you know like the dinosaur one?).

2011-05-30T04:38:00.000-07:00

So.......... ............................I am getting married!!!!!
Yep, me, who would have thought it !? Maybe people knew that when I went off to travel etc, this would happen, but not in the way it has happened and not with someone that I dated from so long ago.

As soon as I met Charley at the airport In Chicago something inside me told me that this was it forever. I knew that leaving my friends in the UK for somebody was not just on a whim, I knew that when I left, I was not going to come back for a long time, and I knew that once I saw him, I would never want to leave him.

Charley and I met years ago, through work. Lombard Business Finance ( those of you who know me, know that maths is not my strong point, so how I had wangled a job there was quite hard to believe)but I was good at sales and my telephone manner and my willing to succeed in the role outshone the lack of knowledge in the finance industry and back then it wasn't as hard to get a job as it is now!! ( hence im still unemployed after 2 weeks searching and still looking ). It was not long before we had caught each others eye, and he ( obviously ) made a pass at me and did his best to chat me up, ha ha ha ha, he will say different of course!

Anyway, we began to date and for the 9 months or so that we did back then, it was amazing, we had the perfect relationship in everyway. Nothing was to fault. So why did it end? We were 18, we couldn't decide to spend forever together now, and how glad I am that we didn't, that we both got to live, go on different journeys and learn as much about life as we could with no regrets and come back with true life experience and knowledge.

It went on that we would stay in touch and meet up now and again when he was back from travelling, or work trips away every few years and catch up, going out for a few drinks and seeing what the last few years had bought us both, we would always manage to pick up from where we left off with ease and fall straight back into the relaxed comfortable relationship that we always had.

Only after 11 years did the next time we meet be different to all the others.    Tragic circumstances bought our paths back together, and for some reason being in his company again made me realise again how much I still loved him,how I couldn't bear to see him hurt and how I would have done anything I could for him.   We were still amazing together even after all these years, nothing had changed. We were still the same people we were together when we were 18, 21, 25 and now 30. We shared the same principles, morals and both just enjoyed life, we were picking up just where we left off. It was obvious to all that saw us together just how into each other we still were. I have honestly never known myself to be happier than I am now he is back in my life.

I never believed this would happen to me. I never thought I would find the place or moment in my life when all I wanted was to be with one person and make them happy and create a life together.

I, like all my friends, had always dreamed of meeting Mr Right,but somehow always managed to meet Mr Right for now. I didn't think I would find someone who would love me honestly and deeply for me,cherish me and love all the things about me like your best friends do, the good, the bad, the ugly, and want nothing but the best for me in my life and vice versa.

I always said to my friends that I dreamed of being so happy and in love that it I could just get married on a beach, just the two of us, anywhere and just and do it alone without caring who was there because we were so in love and only needed each other.

Well...... that is almost the case. We are getting married on a beach, but it wont be just the two of us, as much as I loved that idea, I love my best friends too much also and would hate for them not to have the opportunity to see me on the happiest day of my life and to share it together.   So what has started a small affair may end up a little bit more,but who cares.  I know there is a lot of planning and organising this next year till we get married, lots of saving, but its all so exciting.

As we have only just announced this to the world, most of our close friends and family already knew, so I have even found my dress, booked the venue and half planned the wedding down to the music and flowers on the table.   Not much is left to do but send out invites and finalise a few other things.

What is so perfect is that everything I ever imagined it to be, is. How I imagined I felt when I found the dress I was to get married in, was how I felt ( I cried when I walked out as I felt so amazing ) and even after all the dresses I thought would be perfect for me, this was different to them all. The feeling of talking about our future together and knowing I am going to be sharing the rest of my life with him is amazing. Nothing feels wrong.

This time next year I will be married, and who knows maybe on our way to creating a family.

I cant begin to describe how happy I am, that I waited for the right person, that although I wasnt looking, planning or hoping, the one I thought was gone and would never come back into my life, did and swept me off my feet, not in the conventional way, but in a way that just describes us as a couple. I may have had to travel to the other side of the world and sacrifice a lot to get it, but I wouldn't change anything, not for a minute.   He has made my journey through life so far, worthwhile, through my ups and downs, trials and tribulations when I thought that I could never be happy and settle and would never find real love, I have. And now it will be forever.

I love u Charley Carter, here is to forever xxxxxx

Night night, and remember "tommorrow is is a new day "

xxx

I get by with a little help from my friend? He he he !! Xxx

2011-05-24T05:30:00.000-07:00

OK so this title is not obvious, why because my mum may read it and any other such other that I don't feel it is appropriate for ! BUT hold on a minute, the whole point of my blogs are to be as honest as I can be and talk freely.

So .....a recent incident occurred at a friends. While gossiping over coffee it was found that my friend one brisk, normal, Monday morning ( half asleep- blurry eyed- not had any coffee ) strolled to her postbox and opened her mail, tearing through the envelopes she came across a unusually titled letter....and magazine. On closer inspection she saw a few things that certainly made her eyes open more than a coffee would have that morning!

The envelope ( wrongly opened ) was mailed to a neighbour......and contained a magazine full of sex toys and aids for your pleasure or that of another, or both !

Now the best part of the story is that she hates the neighbours, so how satisfying to stroll over and say " oh my god I'm so sorry I mistakenly opened your mail in error" and walk of smugly. Ha ha ha ha ha!

So of course this got us talking, who uses some of these quite extreme toys? How do you use some of these toys? Who creates these toys? How often would you use them? And which one of us would, has done or would like to? Now of course I won't be admitting or gossiping about any of us, although I know you may be intrigued but ....what I will say.

Have we not all watched Charlotte in Sex and the City..... And her rabbit story....?

For a lot of men and women in particular, it can be liberating, pleasurable and a temporary or permanent means to an end rather than actual sex or alongside sex.

I believe sex is the most natural thing for every person, it's how we reproduce so is not always a sleazy interaction between humans, it created us, and will create generations ahead of us.

However we do it, have done it, like to do it, it should be fun, it should be loving, aided, unaided or just as nature intended.

Enjoy it xxxxxx

On that note ......I'm off to bed! Ha ha ha ha xxxx.

End of the world??? ( well it is for Harold now ) I mean really???

2011-05-24T05:08:00.000-07:00

So as I sit and type this blog, We should actually be dead!

According to one single man, a Mr Harold Camping he predicted, and I quote

PREDICTION:
"Beyond the shadow of a doubt, May 21 will be the date of the Rapture and the Day of Judgment".

RESULT:
FAIL! X

CAMPING'S RESPONSE: The Harold Camping Prediction has changed! Here is Harold Camping's response from a press conference on Monday 23 May, 2011 at Family Radio headquarters, Oakland, California:

"On May 21, this last weekend, this is where the spiritual aspect of it really comes through. God again brought judgment on the world. We didn’t see any difference but God brought Judgment Day to bear upon the whole world. The whole world is under Judgment Day and it will continue right up until Oct. 21, 2011 and by that time the whole world will be destroyed,"

So ....... What can I even say, the world clearly didn't end, and if it did would we even know about it? How long would it last? Would the pain be quick? Or would we all die slowly?

Whatever, whenever , however I hope my death along with yours is painless and no one has to endure any suffering ever.

I really don't believe this faith that this man leads people to believe in, to sell their houses, pay for their pets to be looked after etc etc blah blah ( because apparently animals don't die ) ? WTF?

I understand that lots of people need something to get them through times, a faith as such, but when it leads to extremes, such as this mans examples it is no more than a cult.

If you? like I, believe whatever happens, you will wish that no one will ever be harmed when it does and those you love will be looked after wherever they may end up xx

What can we make of this situation?

Like always, enjoy your time here as much as you can, live each day as well as you can, laugh with one another and look after each other and make the most of each opportunity given to you.

Tomorrow is always a blessing xxx

How good am I on paper?

2011-05-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

So...... my holiday time is basically over.... lets face it I have had a good run.... 3 months of not doing much but sight seeing, eating drinking sleeping and doing what I want when I want every day !!

Fun, fun, fun, well for the most part. Now don't get me wrong I have loved being off, the first few weeks/month were the best of course because everything is exciting and new, you want to go everywhere see everywhere take pictures of any and everything and explore evry road,nook and cranny that you can, with the time and money you have.

But when reality starts to hit and the realisation that you have to get back to work and actually join the real world again, then what? When your boyfriend/friends arent around and you got no one to hang out with all day? Time to get a job!!

Well its easy of course, isn't it? Everyone does what I did..... leave their job, leave their friends and everything you have ever known, to risk it all and meet your childhood sweetheart in Chicago, rekindle your love for one another and move to Australia, decide what you want to do with work and go get a job doing exactly what you were at home but in a different country? Simples.............. errrr no!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not even a little bit easy. I know its only been 2 weeks or so I have been here and Im clearly the most impatient person and also believe that the job fairy will spot me and take me straight to the best employer and Ill have the job of a lifetime, I am away with the fairies if I thought that ( well I sort of did for a few days) surely they all know Ive arrived and are all begging for me to work without even needing my CV.

So when I had come out of my fairyland and realised I have to ring people? ring agencies? upload my CV one hundred times to job sites? email letters asking for work? begging for work? altering my CV for each application basically selling myself as well as I can to each potential employer, hoping that one of them will see past the lack of actual certified qualifications and be able to read my personality from 2 pieces of A4 paper, because any more and Im boring, then its not easy, not easy at all.

Now as I type this I have actually heard back from one employer, had an interview with the agency and am now awaiting my 2nd interview with the employer direct.

Now whose to say they will like me , who is to say that I am what they need, and how should I be preparing for my interview?

I know that people spend months out of work, looking for the right job, going for interview after interview trying to find the perfect position or just trying to get any work to make ends meet. So if I get this Im very lucky.

What determines who they look at? What impresses them? 2 pieces of paper with our basic life profile and history whittled down.

How can this be fair? Now maybe I say that as Im not qualified in anything on paper,okay very little. I of course have school grades which are good and I have a Business advanced course certificate that I did at college but its basic, my knowledge and skills didnt come just from school and college, I had to work go out into the big wide world and learn skills, learn the biggest lesson of all in every day life. But i ran my own business, all self taught and created Perfectme, the website and business that this blog comes from.

Every day we live we are learning, most days will teach us new thing, okay obviously some more than others, but without working in any role we do not gain experience, if no one ever gave me a chance I would not have the opportuity to learn things myself. Someone has to take you on to teach you new things, teach you a trade improve your skills. You may also have to self teach,educate yourself, listen watch take notes, surround yourself with people who are better than you and learn from them, learn from the good, the bad, the wrong and right of every day life.

You could never get any idea of my personality from my CV unless it had a leopard print background or something crazy, and even then you would think, this girls is tacky as hell ( no comments please )you would not know what I have been through, how hard I work or what my goals are from my CV, the only way you could get a feel for me is through this blog, and of course not everyone keeps a blog or a online diary like me.

I understand that a CV is just the basis for an employer to see what you can offer in your proven qualifications and it helps them decifer the really well educated from the lesser and what past experience you may have that will help you in your new, but personality wise, no CV can tell a person that, only the interview. But you have to get to that stage then sell yourself again. The CV is only the first hurdle.

So for all the people who are looking for work and havent found it yet like me, I feel your pain, as boring and montomonous as it can be, as draining and tiresome and soul destroying, try stick with it , hopefully when you do get the role you want it will be well worth it.

Your worth more than 2 pieces of A4 paper make sure they see past that.

night night and remember tomorrow is a new day x xx x

What distance ?

2011-05-01T01:10:00.001-07:00

So...... I have just spent the most amazing weekend In Minneosota, the Land of 10,000 lakes and the two cities. What bought me here? Distant family, or what i thought were.

Now you know how I am, my mum is always telling me information most useful some not always-well as mums do, always trying to get me to visit friends and family all over the place and make more effort. I act like I listen and nod my head but nothing really sinks in unless I am sitting in front of her.

The emails about my family who I though were distant were flying in from my mum as soon as I landed in the USA urging me to go and visit and call and for one reason or another I didn't end up going until this last weekend.

It ended up that this weekend was the best weekend I could have chosen as it is turned out to be my last in the USA, and what a way to end it.

I am now leaving the U.S having cemented a new bond with my first cousin and realising a family history that I never knew much about before and hopefully continuing the loving relationship that I have experienced this trip.

I have always had family scattered across the world and have really only ever spent much time with those in the UK. However this has always been on rare occasions such as weddings and other such occasions. I have never been surrounded by family that live near to us, which is why my friends have always been so important to me.

This weekend made me realise that even as an adopted child in a family that I have no blood relation too i am truly loved. It makes no difference at all. Not that I needed this trip to cement that but it meant that distant relations turned out not be distant at all.

I felt a love that I never knew existed or could be so natural. I felt part of the family, of my family, there were so many similarities and the connection between us was never unnatural or akward, and it could easily have been. I could have travelled for 8 hours to spend time with a family I had nothing in common with. Why would I? We live in different parts of the world, speak with different accents and know very little about each other... Or so I thought.

How lovely to be able to travel this far and feel like your at home.

Being in my cousins home felt like being at home with my own parents years ago, the family environment I have missed and not had for years surrounded me, the feel of the house, the smells, the conversation, the dog! Made me feel like I was back in Range Way , my childhood home. Everything was natural and easy and nothing could have been more enjoyable.

What I realised is, that amongst family you are loved regardless of your own paths choices and journey, you are surrounded by people who have only your best interests and welfare at heart, who would spend their whole Easter weekend making sure you are comfortable and experience as much as you can do in the time you have together.

I have visited places I never knew of, learnt it's history, waked talked and fulfilled my quota of curries for the next few months.

I have learnt more about my family than i have ever known and most of all came as a stranger and left feeling a firm member of my family.

What a perfect end to my last weekend in the USA.

The journey so far has brought me more than I ever could have imagined or wished for.

Know your neighbour?

2011-04-23T05:26:00.001-07:00

How well do you know your neighbour? Do you even want to know your neighbour? And who do you class as your neighbour?

Most of us have lived in areas with which we become very familiar, we may grow up next door to a family who become like our own family, or in a road where everyone gets together, where front doors are left open and families celebrate birthdays Christmas and all events together in a close knit environment.

We may never get to know the person next door, we may not even say hello or goodbye as we pass in the road.

Every road,block of flats, area is different. We may move to certain areas to get a community atmosphere where people make an effort to get to know each other to create a friendly welcoming environment for everyone, to build a sense of security for all that live in and around the area.

I have always loved the fact that I grew up in a village where everyone knew everyone. I grew up in a road full of lovely people whose houses I played in every day and barbecues we attended and parties we went to. We would baby sit, dog sit, house sit, and look out and look after each other when it was needed.

This is always the environment I like the best. I would prefer to live in the suburbs than a city. However I think this depends on whether you have children or not.

The reason I Also write about knowing your neighbours is...

On our recent train journey to Chicago from Canada, we found our seats and got comfortable. To my right, was a guy who seemed agitated and kept looking over and getting up and down, he looked over at us and smiled and apologised and said that he was unsettled as it was his first train journey in 16 years and that he had just been released from prison.

Now had he not said anything we would never have presumed or known, he was smartly dressed young. He didn't look like a convicted criminal, but not many people do. You can never begin to presume or know anything about someone by just looking at them. Which is why it sometimes scary when you are travelling. You don't know anything about who the person sitting next to you is, where they are from, where they are going etc.

You can live in the same neighbourhood as someone for a lifetime and not know what goes on behind closed doors.

And sometimes it's best that way..

Xxxx

This is it.

2011-04-23T05:25:00.000-07:00

This is it.

You know that feeling when you look at someone and suddenly everything makes sense and falls into place , your life becomes clear and the path your meant to go down is right in front of you, everything you ever wished for is right before your eyes, that you are happy, knowing this person, is the only person you want to share the rest of your life with.

I think it's called falling In love.........if it is .....I have.

This it is, this time its for real, this is how it should have felt all the times I thought I was in love before, exactly how it does now. I know I have loved and truly adored past boyfriends, been obsessed and sometimes infatuated, every relationship was amazing in ways, but not complete like this.

I never thought I would get to this stage in my life, complete and utter happiness, contentment, with every aspect of the relationship,not just parts.

I always thought I would flit from one relationship to another, but I have been fortunate enough and wise enough to realise that this love, the one I thought I'd never see again, is now here for the taking, and I am holding on to it with both hands and never letting go.

He is the one,this is real,and this is only the beginning, all roads brought us back together and this time we aren't changing paths.

I really believe we were meant to be.

I'm proud and happy to say I'm in love, and happier than I ever thought possible. ( you'd never have guessed would you) he he !

Thank you Charley for coming back into my life and for showing me real love.

Our story will continue...........

Xxxx

The things that bring us together....

2011-04-23T05:24:00.000-07:00

As we travel through our lives from one destination to another and discover new places, new ways of living, we will always come across things that will connect us in some way. Familiar brands, signs or events that we have seen elsewhere in the world.   A common interest that we may all share that may start a conversation with someone who we may never have spoken to had it not been for this one thing.

Now really there are only a few that I have noticed.

Brands, Sport Music and your accent.

People instantly recognise your accent if you are in a foreign country, if it is highly populated with only one accent in that area of course. Yours will inevitably stand out from any other, even if it is just ordering a coffee, this will normally spark a conversation into where you are from and why you are here.

Last night, a large group of us all English, went to an Italian restaurant for dinner. Immediately the waiter picked up on our accents and talked football, who the men supported, he also asked why I was these men and hoped that i trusted them all, that made me giggle. It does look strange me and a group of men. Back home no one would bat an eyelid!! Ha ha. X x. He then asked us what singers like and after we had mentioned a few, he began to serenade us to Frank Sinatra and Rod Stewart.

It was the funniest thing I have seen so far. And there was only us and another couple in this huge restaurant. Maybe he was practicing for when it got busier. The restaurant is famous and is known for his singing at tables. The entrance shows him with all the celebrities that have visited his restaurant.

The Point that I am making is no matter what county you are in there is almost certainly something that you can discuss relate or bring into conversation. Something that will unite us in some way.

Someone may have on a cap that says "Titleist" now if your a golf fan. You will recognise this and it is highly likely that they will play or know about golf and be able to discuss the recent Masters, the same if they were to have a Madonna or pop star on their t shirt, or a football shirt on. It may just be their accent which means if you wanted to, you would have a topic of conversation to start on.

It is such that even in Third world countries football and music helps bring our countries together, through endless efforts by charities creating concerts and events that bring our players and musicians to highlight the poverty in these countries. It allows us to create concerts competitions and events throughout the world by raising awareness that brings us all together.

Of course at the moment in America the whole excitement with us in the UK is the Royal Wedding. Americans are just as excited as we are, more so even, from chat shows and programmes on dressing and acting like a true Brit and a Royal. We a going to gave to get up at 4 am to watch the event. Of course it can't be missed.

So when in Rome as they say and on your travels wherever it may be, see what sparks yours conversation with someone else. Who knows where it may lead you, teach you or find you.

Obviously don't talk to anyone...... I mean your not allowed to talk to strangers, remember what your mum said, but if you do....be careful be wary. Trust your instincts.

You know what m trying to say..... Ha ha ha x x x

Xxxx

You say Tomatoe I say Tomato

2011-04-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

God Bless America!

I love it, why wouldn't you, Ok for some the tone is not what a lot of our ears recognise and like any accent or dialect that is not our own, can take a lot of getting use too.

But isn't that the whole part of travelling, the whole part of visiting otherparts of the world or country even city. You get to experience how other people live their daily lives, conversate and use the language that we all may know or not, but used in a different way. Now how did that start, where did it start! How did it change from one continent to the next, and why do some langauges become more widely spoke than another?

I never understand the history of language from one country to another and why one language is more common worldwide than others, but it can be used in a hundred different tones, dialects and often with different meanings.

While English doesn’t have the most speakers, it is the official language of more countries than any other language. Its speakers hail from all around the world, including New Zealand, the U.S., Australia, England, Zimbabwe, the Caribbean, Hong Kong, South Africa, and Canada.

Can you believe that Mandarin is the most widely spoken language.

However the dialect and way that it is spoken changes not just from one country to another but from one end of a country to another and in so many different dialects of that one language. You may not even be able to understand one persons dialect at all. In England some people may struggle even just to understand those from the North and vice versa or the Irish or the Scottish, although in written language our words are spelt the same.

In America you can be ordering something simple like a burger with chips and a lemonade and they will understand the burger, but not the chips or the lemonade, you have to say fries and you have to say sprite or they will bring you soda and you will have to explain exactly what you mean by chips as the may bring you potato chips, or crisps as we know them.

Now of course this isn't the case everywhere, some people know what you are talking about,they are well travelled and pick up on what you are trying to say.

When we travel we have to appreciate that we are in a foreign place, it is somewhere we are not familiar with, so we have to be open to our new environment, we have to quickly adapt and Morphe nicely into their ways of life. We do not have to change, we can stay the same but we should be susceptible to the change and embrace their culture.

I love that the Americans describe directions using North,South East West rather than left right up and down ( which is not as easy for me, especially if your no good at geography ) I am slowly getting the hang of that. The roads are all on grids,straight roads, no bends curves, roundabouts, everything is far easier to find which I like.

However it does mean there are not those little nooks and crannies that you may find wandering down a little country lane, along a windy road by a river. You just can't compare it to England of course you can't, completely different,everything is bigger and built up, the closest you get to anything similar to somewhere like Chicago is what we call "The City", EC2 area, not even Central London is anything like it. But thats what makes each country unique.

It's all very.... Matter of fact almost... That is the only way I Know how to describe it, that may not make much sense ( I know I often don't) but you know what I mean, the roads are all straight and you can just keep on going and going and if you don't go one way you only have to go back down one block and across another block and your back to where you started. Lost? I always am really...!!

What one country lacks it will make up for in something else. Every county, area, town and village has it's highs and lows and plus points and negatives which is why we decide to travel in the first place, to move from one beautiful place to another and to learn for ourselves what we love the most, and generally end up where we feel most comfortable. And it may not be where we began or first imagined.

The thought of America for me has always been alluring, and although in my time here in Chicago, which I have grown to love, the people are great the city is buzzing, but it is, just that for me. I'm not sure that I could live here full time.

Of course I have not travelled anywhere else in American apart from New York, so I Need to travel to other parts to see if there is anywhere else I would like.I am off to Minnesota soon. However I am not looking to settle in this part of the world, but hey there is no harm in looking, you never know what may be round the corner, maybe my new home could be in the USA??

I feel AUSTRALIA Calling!!!!

Nite nite and remember tomorrow is a new day

Xxxxx

It will happen to you one day...... When did it happen to me?

2011-03-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

Getting older.... We all know we are getting older everyday but what are the obvious signs?

We learn to walk, run, swim, join school, leave school, go to college, go to university, get a Job, get a boyfriend, get married , have kids, buy a house, have grandchildren...these are all the obvious things that happen to most of us , and not always in that order.

I don't mean the obvious things, I am talking about the moaning.... The discomfort and disliking to things that you thought you would enjoy forever.

I mean for example, walking through Toronto last week, a pleasant stroll to the cinema about 7am, we came out about 11.30pm, the roads are blocked that we walked through, full of kids, well I say kids ( that's one thing you also start saying when your OLD !!! ) cueing in the freezing cold with next to nothing on, drunk, sitting on the kerb, you all know we have been there, I have been that girl on numerous occasions, cuing for clubs for over half an hour, not thinking twice about the weather, your aim is to just get in the club, you don't care about anything else. And at that point when your cuing you never forsee in 10 years time you will be walking through this same group of people thinking " I would never cue in this cold, I would never cue, full stop, if there is a cue I am not going in, oh and I'm too old for that type of crowded place"

You suddenly overnight have become old, well not overnight, but now you prefer a classy hotel bar, an upmarket place where the crowd is not wild, you can hear each other talk and your aim is not to go out and drink as much as they will sell you.

I also found myself saying the other day " I've decided I am going to collect stamps" wow! At 30, I never imagined those words would utter out my mouth, but as I'm travelling I Thought I should collect stamps from each area I go to....what has happened to me?

It just happens, the moaning you never thought would happen is happening, too many kids in the pool on holiday, too man kids screaming full stop, noisy neighbours, music too loud....... Like our mothers said, it will happen to you.... You just never believe it, why would you want to believe it?

What can we do ? Nothing! It's part of the process of growing old , yep I admit IM GETTING OLD, I'm officially part of the gang that moans and whines and prefers to be in smaller groups , on quieter holidays and go out In smaller groups.

I don't think it is a bad thing, we got to let the young ones take over and attempt to have as much fun as we did, they don't realise we been there done it, twice as well! Ha ha ha (another thing older people say and younger people never believe). If they only knew......

So now when our elders tell us about the lives they use to lead, we should listen with more intent and believe. Because the likelihood is they probably did as much, if not more.

Nite nite and remember tomorrow is a new day x x

The things you do for love

2011-03-19T16:03:00.001-07:00

The things you do for love.

How far would you go for Love? Not necessarily in distance, in the things that you would do for love. Be it a friend, family member or a boyfriend.

I wrote this blog back near valentines day but never published it for some reason.

What are your thoughts on love? I don't mean thoughts on valentines day itself, because if the only day you can tell someone is on this day then you should be shot as a friend, lover whatever!

Valentines day is just a money spinning day! But still we jump on the band wagon nether the less.

Are you in love? Do you want to be in love? Does someone love you? Do you know they love you? if you love them, I mean truly madly deeply kinda love, what will you be doing to make them realise this.

What do most average people do on a daily, weekly , monthly basis to show the people whom them love how much they love them.

Write songs, poems, dedicate songs on a radio station, write beautiful letters, cards, share a single bed for months untill you can afford a double, travel across the other side of the world to prove to someone they are who you want? buy expensive gifts, make gifts, get engaged get married, have a baby buy a house? The list goes on and on................

A lot of us don't do much at all. I would say, and this is very sexist i Know but,women show it far more than most men, on a daily basis. This is If you are in a relationship of some sort.

We as women are generally the more emotional ones, we need to be told every day minute hour week in week out, and if men do not show us love in some form, we will worry, we will moan to our girlfriends that he never does anything to prove that he loves us in some form etc etc

Is Valentines day the perfect day to tell someone? What if they don't tell us on this day? Does that mean they don't love us?? Of course not, but it may be the best day if you havent been able to tell someone, use this as your tool to do so, so if you don't do something every day in some way then make up a reason, have a date night once a week or month that focuses truly on each other.

Remember whatever you do and for whomever you do it, write, speak,mean it from the heart, or don't say do or speak it, for you can only keep up pretence for so long and in the end who really wants to break anyones heart by not being honest.

Love like you will never love again, mean every word you say or write, from the bottom of your heart, Live like it's the last day together everyday,if you can,and prove it.

Nothing will make you happier, than true love.

Nite nite, and remember tomorrow is a new day x x x

Home ...wood home... X x

2011-03-19T14:57:00.001-07:00

I am nearly home..... Well not home but what I am calling my home as it is where I will be staying for the next 8 or so weeks.

Homewood suites is the last place we stayed before we left for Canada and is where we are most comfortable and happy, so we have decided to go back and spend the rest of our time in Chicago here.

The last two weeks we hAve been staying with friends which has been amazing, they made us feel completely at home and we loved it. However it is always nice to return to having your own space again, I am sure they too are happy to have their flat or should I say condo back to themselves.

I cannot believe that I have been away for over a month already. Time really does fly, although it seems longer.

Chicago will feel so familiar now even though I only spent two weeks there, I am really going to miss it when I leave for Washington in 8 weeks, I wonder what the difference will be there.

Toronto was a great city and we were lucky enough to have some great hosts in Lauren and Brenton who showed us as much as we could see in the time we had. I felt Toronto was much more open than Chicago in it's Chicago felt more closed in , taller buildings, much more going on in a closer area, Toronto did not seem as tourist like as Chicago, although I am sure it is. we were being shown round by locals so we probably avoided the tourist spots.

Overall a great trip away with great people who will now become friends for life.

Home wood bound now x x x xx woo hoo xx

An after thought of my latest blog

2011-03-12T14:05:00.000-08:00

My friend just said to me, how comes all your role models are black?

What about Winston Churchill, ALBERT Einstein and John F Kennedy, Maggie Thatcher, Princess Diana?

Mmmmmmm? Why is that? Is it because I am mix raced? Maybe I have tunnel vision and only see that people of colour were always the one with the hardest struggle as opposed to white people. Of course that is not true. All these figures endured hardship of some sort, it just may not have been down to the colour of their skin.

I can honestly say I am completely uneducated in how much these figures did for others, I am aware of all them and briefly know of the changes they made to the world we live in, I just have never delved further than that.

I suppose the people I have mentioned are all modern day and I see what they achieve and teach now, not what I am reading as history.

Of course there are so many influential people that have had a positive and huge effect on our modern world and the way in which we live.

Looks like I have lots more autobiographies to read.

Xxxx

The World In Union

2011-03-12T11:51:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched the film Invictus.

This film has been out for a long time, and to be completely honest I have always been put off by it, why? Because the South African accent has never been one I enjoy listening too, and honestly I didn't think I could cope with Matt Damon's attempt of playing a South African rugby player, not my type of film at all. How wrong I was.

I know this is not something you probably should not admit to and I have nothing against South Africans in any way shape or form, it just wouldn't have been my first choice of film to watch.

I have now realised I am completely uneducated in the background of South Africa and now view the country in a different light completely. I now want to learn more.

Anyway........ What a great film, powerful,thought provoking, educational and totally not what I expected. I didn't know anything more than it was a film about Rugby and South Africa, typical of me to think that, but it inspired me enough to write about it so that is the effect it had on me. Positive.

Nelson Mandela. I cant even begin to imagine the effect his reign in presidency had on South Africa and as I am not political I cannot correctly tell you what he did for South Africa in detail, all I know is what I have learned from watching this film, so far my view is that he made the unimaginable possible for a country divided by apartheid.

I have always heard storied of his greatness, influence and own personal battles which he overcame and I never fully understood the depth or magnitude. After getting a glimpse of him in this film, well Morgan Freeman playing Nelson Mandela, who does an amazing job, I am going to have to read his autobiography. Luckily for me my friend who I am staying with has it, perfect, it is obviously meant to be.

I have always been someone who believes in role models, people to aspire to , look up to and admire. I love people with a story to tell, people who have struggled and overcome huge obstacles in their life to achiever greatness. Not only in their own lives but in others, or in their own fields.

I strongly believe you should always surround yourself with positive people in your life, people who want you to succeed who believe in you and only want to see you be the best you can. Not people who envy you or do not applaud your willing to become a better person to succeed, these people always bring you down and are not people you should be spending your time with.

I have always been interested in learning about people, such as Oprah Winfrey,Barack Obama,Nelson Mandela, Condoleezza Rice, Mother Teresa even people like Jay Z, Michael Jackson all of these type of people who have brought positivity to so many people and overcome prejudice,they have changed thousands of peoples perceptions of what they believe they like. They have all shown us change. They have all overcome prejudice.

Most of us have a story to tell, but some of us just have that different spark that takes us even further than we ever expected, and although some of us have always been destined for great things some people end up having the power to make major changes in the world for all of us and that is true greatness.

The film reminded me of how serious apartheid was then and how racism in some countries, towns, villages is still very much present. I forget as mixed race child that it exists as I have always been so lucky to never ever have experienced it. Even in a predominantly white area and in the schools I attended, I could name all the asian/black children that lived in my area growing up. In some places you still cannot be seen in a favourable light walking the streets with a person of colour that is not the same as you. If you have never experienced it yourself or with someone you know of, you are very lucky.

People all over the world experience prejudice everyday of their lives and are faced with struggles that racism brings. From the minute they are bought into this world their life can be an upward struggle.

Have you ever faced this? How did you deal with it if you did? Have your actions ever upset anyone in this way?

Nowadays most of our schools worldwide will teach us to embrace all cultures races and religions, to respect and treat each other as equals, never to judge someone by the colour of their skin or the tone of their accent.

Have you ever seen the film Crash? This film is a great example of basic racial prejudice. And unfortunately as you watch this film,I am sure that at some point or another you will see yourself in some of the characters. I know I am guilty of it. Whether you realise you are or not, unknowingly we can at some point be racist ourselves. This does not necessarily mean we are bad people or we would want any harm coming to any other human, it is just what we have been bought up to believe in or the society we have been raised in and surrounded by, through no fault of our own we have become immune to certain beliefs, it is easy to escape them if we want to and we are all susceptible to change.

Until we open our minds to different cultures, religions and races and realise that everyone is different and not every person carries the stereo type that that race or religion may bring then we will live a very sheltered, narrow path. We, like I do, have to change our thinking.Become completely race blind.

You do not even have to do anything dramatic, just have an open mind.

"it always seems impossible until it is done " Nelson Mandela

P.s on a lighter note, I wrote to Jim'l fix it once ( anyone remember him) I asked to sing with Kiri Te Kanawa , the rugby song, how funny!!!!!

nite nite, and remember tomorrow is a new day xxxxxx

What are you sacrificing ?

2011-03-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

It is that time of the year again when you hear people talking about giving up something up for 40 days and 40 nights. Chocolate, alcohol, bread,something that they may seem as a negative in their life which they need to live without for this period. This period of time without it is a sacrifice, to test our strength and will power.

The religious meaning:
There are traditionally forty days in Lent which are marked by fasting, both from foods and festivities, and by other acts of penance. The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigour during Lent are prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbour). Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations.[9]
In many liturgical Christian denominations, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday form the Easter Triduum.[10] Lent is a season of grief that necessarily ends with a great celebration of Easter. It is known in Eastern Orthodox circles as the season of "Bright Sadness." It is a season of sorrowful reflection which is punctuated by breaks in the fast on Sundays.

Now you do not have to be religious to sacrifice something at all, this is just another reason for people to do so, but obviously many people around the world have different religious beliefs about what they will sacrifice and why.

Now I for one am completely useless as you know at giving up anything for long, but when you have someone to do it with you have a bit more willing. I am giving up beer, wine bread and potatoes, now this is very hard for me as I often have potatoes with every meal, hence I'm not the once slender toned figure I once was, and I do love a cold corona sometimes.

My reasons for this are:
A. To slim down before I hit the beach and summer
B. To get my body use to eating healthier again, using salads and vegetables instead of fries and mash potato and
C. To prove to myself I can stick to something and
D. To save money

Eating more fruit and veg and salads always seem to be the cheaper option on the menu so I will save money I hope, and as I'm travelling it is a good idea.

We always look better after holidays in the sun, as we tend to eat fresh fruit every morning, Salads for lunch, less stodge as it is too warm, it is the same principle. When you do not eat carbs for example you look for alternatives which are almost aways far healthier than the option you are leaving out now.

So the quest begins. Day one. I'm eating left over steak and salad for lunch, maybe soup for dinner.

Going to have to get my thinking cap on for the weeks ahead!

If you are also giving something up, and if it proves to be beneficial for you be it smoking,not seeing someone that is bad for you, or just not going to the same old places for a while, weigh up how much better you feel and try stick to it. If you have done it for this long, why change.

Giving up is always hard to do as we have trained our brains to believe we need this thing we are trying to give up, we have to just retrain it again to liking other things or living without. Our brains are incredible and will very quickly adapt.

That is why help groups are formed for more serious addictions, such as alcohol or drugs. Addiction is a serious illness, thousands upon thousands of people suffer from it, where our bodies and brains rely now on drugs or alcohol or so we believe and we become mentally and physically Ill from the damage we are inflicting on our bodies.

We choose bad habits, they don't chose us.

You would think we should be able to give them up just as easily. But of course It is not that easy for a lot of us, different circumstances, family history of troubles,rape, abuse, break ups, upbringing, death, so many things can trigger the beginning of a serious addiction to something that has a profound negative effect on our lives. We just have to hope that we are surrounded by enough good people who can help us out of it.

Humans need very little to survive, and can live very simply. What we think we need is actually only want we want.

Good luck whatever you are sacrificing, no one is forcing you. This is just a reason to begin the end of something that probably wasn't that good for you.

Xxxxx nite nite and remember tommorrow is a new day x xx

Everyone is scared of something.

2011-03-08T15:14:00.000-08:00

Phobias, do you have one? Phobia meaning, a distinct willing to avoid a certain object, situation or event thats causes the person discomfort.

Now a lot of people may not use the word phobia, they may just say they dont' like something. Now this is very similar, for example, I do not like the feel of suede or velvet at all, it makes me fee very weird when touching it, that does not mean that I feel physically Ill or scared of it, I would just would avoid wearing it or having it as a cushion or pillow in my home, maybe that does mean I have a phobia of it, as it actually makes me feel very very uncomfortable, so what is the line between it? If you have a mental reaction to something which is negative does that count as a phobia?

I talk about this as I went to the top of the CN tower in Toronto Canada, 1815ft tall it stands. It is the 2nd tallest building in the world.

Now for me it is just a tourist attraction, great, let's go up it and see how far we can see, simple right? Not for many, not for my friend who I was with, well not that I noticed till we were at the top and they wanted to go back down, they didn't look at any views for they we're sweating, feeling nauseus and near to fainting. I did not even notice the fear that they felt as I was too busy looking out the window of the lift and through the glass floor of the elevator we were going up in, travelling at 15mph , now that alone is pretty quick in a glass elevator!

When you do not have a phobia of something, such as heights you do not for a second realise that someone else may be working themselves into a frenzy silently trying to convince themselves they will be fine. When you are on a plane and happily seated about to take off, you may not notice the person sitting in the next aisle deep breathing taking pills to help calm their nerves or holding on to the seat for dear life, you will just be thinking " hurry up and take off so we can watch a movie".

Many people do not admit their phobia until they are in this state of Phobia.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we feel we always have to prove something? Why do we more often say," I'd love to" when really we couldn't think of anything worse. Why can't we just accept we do not like something and so therefore will not put ourselves in that situation of discomfort.

People can have phobias of anything from spiders to heights to enclosed spaces, flying, snakes the list goes on.

My phobia of spiders disappeared when I was in an environment when no one but me would get rid of them, so I had be the tough one, I had to overcome my fear and just grab a glass, a piece of paper and get that little thing, and chuck it out the window, it still isn't my favourite thing to do but Im better with them then some of my friends. They may not even sleep in their room if they think there is a spider lurking about, another very good friend of mine actually had to pull over her car as a spider appeared on the dashboard, she pulled over and called someone to come and get it out, now that's crazy! What is the spider actually going to do?

But until you have that phobia you cannot understand. For a lot of people this is the worst phobia, girls more than guys I'd imagine.

But what when you are scared of facing someone or a situation that you know isn't nice? Facing a break- up, rejection, an argument, a new job, resigning, moving to a new country?

The are so many things as human beings we are faced with every day, situations, events circumstances, objects, animals and events that can either cause us great happiness and comfort or huge distress and unhappiness.

Often or not in any circumstance we will have done our very best to avoid a situation or make sure we deal with it as best we can. We don't always ask for everything we are faced with and we dont always necessarily know how best to deal with it when we are faced with it, but what we can do is try to take our time, take a breath, don't rush it, don't put to much pressure on ourselves, as often or not this is what makes us more ill, the stress we bring on ourselves.

Worrying is the worst burden we bring ourselves and ultimately it will aways be about something out of our control.

So if you can avoid a situation that brings you this worry. Do.

Live your life for you, do things that make you happy not for anyone else. No one of importance will ever think any less of you.

Nite nite and remember tomorrow is a new day x x x

The 7 Wonders of the World

2011-03-06T16:37:00.000-08:00

No we didn't see one of the seven wonders but it was pretty amazing. Give me time Ive only been away 3 weeks!

As we are in Canada we went to visit Niagara falls. The Horseshoe falls is along the Canadian side and the Bridal Vail falls run along the other side, in my pictures you will see the difference. The Horseshoe falls being far superior, even the water runs a lot faster and seems more powerful, you can't really comprehend just how much water falls over those cliffs, apparently 600,000.000 US gallons per second. That's a lot of water. Sad to think in some parts of the world they have to walk miles just to get a gallon of water. I know this water is not being wasted and a lot of it is used in hydro power, but you know what I mean, even looking at that much water is crazy.

As you walk up to the falls You see the American falls first " Bridal Vail" and to be honest, I did think " I have not driven all this way to see this have I ? Right, its freezing, take a picture,lets go.

And what a drive it was, 2 hours of standstill motorway traffic, it was just like being back on the m25 , people getting out their cars, people peeing at the side of the road, hidden by their car doors, or so they thought !! Euuuuuurgh..... Thank god I didn't drink the correct amount of water I should daily before we travelled or it would be me joining them ! I'm so glad to be unhealthy today ! Anyway back to Niagara.....

We walked up to the falls, through this strip of very cheesy bars and tourist attractions, a cross between Blackpool and South-End-On Sea, we passed a wax museum, it was so horrifically bad, no wonder Madame Tusauds is so popular in the UK, the wax works in the museum window may as well have been made my their respective double. I took a photo it was that bad so you can see, when I get my laptop and camera lead I will update my blog with photos, for now its just my ipad.

Anyway we walked through the town towards the falls. As you approach the wall walking towards the falls, you catch a glimpse of the American side of the falls,you walk closer and finally as far as you can towards it, it isn't what you expect, not as amazing as I expected at all. I mean it is obviously bigger than the water you see flowing at the locks along The River Thames piling through the flood gates, but you expect to see so much more. THEN.... then as you walk further along the wall path you see the bigger falls, the Horseshoe Falls comes into full view,and it's is pretty amazing.

The water is so powerful, in the way it flows, falls and crashes into the lake below. It looks beautiful, and completely natural of course in it's 'movement, nothing man made about this at all. You can get a boat and travel behind the falls which I'm sure is incredile, but not if it is minus 5 out the wind and -10 in it, maybe then we would have braved it.

The summertime is probably the best time do this. I can imagine that most of the places I have seen so far would all be amazing in the summer, everything is better, as you want to do more.I definitely should have started my travels then not in the mid winter. Oh well it has all been great so far, I am seeing places I would never have ever seen before without this opportunity and I am learning more about the big wide world, I'm slowly very slowly improving my geography, who knows maybe by the end of the year I will be able to tell you if I'm in the North South East or West of wherever I am.

Probably not...... I'll attach a link to a map with a spot marked X !

So we took the obligatory photos and videos and wooed and anhhed a bit then got back into the car, into the warmth and headed back. Of course I am glad I have seen it, I just wish it was warmer.

Next trip the CN Tower the 2nd tallest building in the world. The lift better not be broken!

Nite nite and remember tomorrows a new day!

Xxxx

I can

Grief.... Never saw that coming

2011-03-02T20:37:00.000-08:00

When someone dies, how do you deal with it?

This question actually has no definite answer, as everybody deals with it differently.

I know that nothing prepared me for how I reacted or felt when I heard my dad had died,nothing prepared me for his funeral and no matter how hard I tried to " stay strong" as everyone tells you to, I just couldn't.

It is only now I can talk about it more, without getting upset. Even though I knew it was coming,it was still awful.

We all know that one day we are obviously going to die, but the obvious difference, is that when you know someone is dying you try to allow yourself to slowly grieve for the loss that is about to happen. You mentally prepare yourself, or think you do. However even when it does, like me, you just aren't ready.

Other people will show no sign of obvious emotion, they may not grieve properly for weeks, days months or years later, it may not become a reality to them that someone has been taken from them. It just may be too hard to face the reality of the situation they have been faced with.

There is also the issue of how someone died. This changes things too.

If it is sudden,you will be in shock, hysterical, faint,scream, cry, get yourself into a frenzy and may even make yourself ill or you may do none of that and stay calm and remain quiet and quietly grieve to yourself in your own space and time. No one may ever see.

You may forever ask yourself why them? why now? and where was the sense in this? Your answers are likely never to be answered but you will go round and round asking yourself and giving yourself answers, if you can.

This often happens. If we hold our grief in this can make us ill, we bottle it up inside, don't talk to anyone about how we feel or avoid the subject altogether then this is our way to deal with it. For some of us, this is the only way to deal with it. For others they will want to discuss it again and again and again until they have closure in their own minds.

For many of us we deal with illness in a similar way to grief. We may ignore the fact that someone is seriously Ill and treat them as normal, we may ignore it, pretend it is not really happening, the fact they are ill and need to be treated differently, we may need to give them more patience, time and understanding. But for a lot of us this is hard to do, especially if they are very close to us. long term illness and grief are both extremely hard for everyone involved to deal with, it affects everyone around us.

The reason I talk about this topic is because it is something that people don't discuss often as why would we, it's sad, and we want to be strong and happy but sometimes we need to , because it is something that will affect all of us at some point.

Unfortunately for me I have had to deal with grief and illness recently. Not just my own but watching friends go through it too.

My mum has been Ill for as long as I can remember, not what you would call terminally Ill but a recurring mental disorder know as Bipolar. This is a horrible illness and sends the patient into highs and lows of depression, they can be very depressed or very "elevated" as they describe so very high, confused and almost in a state of utter disorientation. They will often think that everyone Is conspiring against everyone, not just conspiring against them but everyone around them, that we must all be careful who we speak and tell things too.

The problem with lots of mental Illnesses that occurred in the years before my mum was finally diagnosed is that they never knew what the person had, they just thought they we're crazy and would pump them with every drug around to calm them down and throw them in the nearest psychiatric ward. Well that's what they did with my mum,all those years ago.

They didn't know what was wrong with her, they didn't realise that she was hugely depressed over worked and tired and that she was making herself sick from worrying about us about her family about work, she probably needed some form of medication to calm her slightly and settle her but what she actually really needed was a long rest, a break from the normal life she led for a while. She also needed some form of therapy. To sit with someone confidential and discuss her issues.

I have always believed that we all need some form of therapy in our lives, all of us have issues that we probably keep bottled up that may actually be better told to someone as a form of release, so we aren't carrying stress pain hurt or worry on our shoulders. The best thing about therapy is that you are telling someone with no judgement and someone who does not know you or your friends and family at all. It is amazing what the release can do for you.

Everyone has a form of therapy, we obviously tell our friends often or not what our problems are but sometimes, we just can't. We need more than them. But it takes a lot to get to the stage where you can even admit that for some people. Like they say the first hurdle is admitting there is even a problem.

Luckily now, we do get tested for underlying problems and issues a lot more than when my mum first became ill all those years ago, as doctors aren't so quick to pump us with anti- depressants etc, although I do feel that they do still give these out far too quickly, maybe that's because I am so anti- them, as now my mum can only be normal pumped with about 15 different tablets a day. She has been like this forever so her body depends on all those tablets to keep her sane. She can go months of being fine then as soon as something happens, like the death of my father, or something else that triggers unhappiness in her life, she will feel the need to stop taking her medication, maybe a cry for help, maybe just a way of her saying that she doesn't want to keep going through this feeling anymore.

So what do you do when someone is Ill and it doesn't seem like they will ever get out of the cycle they are in. I suppose it depends what stage of the illness they are at.

Let's hope that we only ever learn from illness, from death, and continue to appreciate the ones who are still here needing our love in whatever form we can give it, as we never know what tomorrow brings.

The past is the past, Today is a gift, tomorrow is a mystery.

Do all you can for someone you love as often as you can, a little goes a long way.

Xxxxxxxxxx nite nite and remember tomorrow is a new day x x xx

Canada so far......

2011-03-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

So......our mammoth journey over, we are actually here, settled and very comfy. Our friends apartment is lovely and has the most amazing views over the city, it looks amazing at night. You can see the CN tower from their balcony, which is the 2nd tallest building in the world. You can go up it, we will haven't yet.

After a day of getting settled we went to visit friends of our friends for dinner. They live in, what I can only describe, as a lock up style unit you would get in Vauxhall arches or somewhere similar, a work industrial type site where they have lots of units that get rented out. Only it is much bigger, the entrance was down an alley way which was scary looking but apparently the only entrance into it, you would never be able to rent a place like this in the UK it wouldn't be allowed due to health and saftey etc but rules are obviously different over here.

Anyway we go in and it is probably the coolest place I have ever seen, filled with odds and sods of stuff picked up on travels and roadsigns that have been taken on drunken nights out as well as the odd jack Daniels statue, in the corner is a man made bar with a beer Tap and bottles and bottles of tequila and other such drinks. To the left as you walk in is a huge projector screen on the wall and a corner sofa, and behind that is another sofa area, with world maps on the wall and all types of graffiti and chalkboards which have been written on. In the middle is a huge oak ( actually probably
not oak ) some sort of wood table, again man made, in the middle, when I say man made, I mean one of the guys in the place got some scrap wood and made just about everything in the place, it looks secure ( ish) !

Everyone is smoking, drinking, laughing, it's the ultimate party venue and bachelor pad. Three people live their, 1 girl and 2 guys, they are all of the same ilk. Bar tenders and traveller types just here to work party and live life ! Good times.

The rooms all overlook the downstairs and are again made of just thin wood, wooden steps up to each which aren't that secure either,if this was someones owned house it would be ok I suppose but this is rented so I'm surprised they are allowed to rent it as it's a health and safety officers dream. You couldn't rent anywhere like it in the UK.

When I start travelling properly, I mean backpacking, which at the moment is far away, I am just in hotels and friends places so all is good,maybe I'll be living in a shell soon and not have OCD anymore, and feel the need to clean everywhe . Something tells me that I wont though. I couldn't share with people as care free as they live, I'm travelling with someone who has the exact same views as me. But maybe soon I'll drop my way of thinking but I am sure you can still travel and do things cheaply and have keep things to the way you always have.

Anyway we had a lovely few hours there, the company was great. After a while we left there and decided to go to a bar round the corner. It was called The Drake and very cool. It is a boutique hotel, so we stayed for a few and before we knew it it's 1.30 am. The bars stay open much later over he even in the week so it's easy to eat late and drink late, plus I been lazy and sleeping till 1.

Today we decided to venture to a place called " Kensington" it is the UK version of Camden. I'm fact there are a lot of places here that share the same name as places back home like "Windsor" "London" Richmond" and "Stratford" , have to bite my lip every time I hear someone say, oh I'm from Windsor, as I want to say, OMG I live near there, then sound as stupid as I am!

If only the wind chill factor wasn't -10 we may have enjoyed it more, there we some very cool shops! And we found a fab Thai place to eat, although the woman looked so creepy, she had those long pointy nails, which I always think is creepy when old woman file their nails into a point with loads of gold jewellery and White hair. I was a bit freaked out, and she stared at you quite intensely, " was your food delicious "er dare we say anything else? Luckily it was! There were a few very odd looking people around, maybe they think we were odd too? Probably!

Anyway a very very cold day, too cold to be out ! So back in the warmth, home cooked food tonight and a chilled one.

Who knows what adventures tomorrow holds! .

Nite nite and remember tomorrow is a new day x x x

Canada bound....

2011-02-27T17:43:00.000-08:00

So as I sit here, I am about to embark on a journey by overnight train to Canada. This wasn't a planned part of the trip but our friend, Brenton who came to visit us the first weekend we were here lives there. So it was right we go to visit him.

Firstly. I have never been on a overnight train, so I am actually excited, however it is a shame that it is at night as we won't get to see the scenery as clearly of course. However I am sure we will see some early morning. I must make sure I try to wake up as my sleep clock has been all over the place.

Stage 1

18 hours and not there yet.Grrrrr...... No your not mistaken, 18 hours!!

We have just got off the longest train journey I have ever been on in my life, in fact it's the longest journey I have ever been on by car, train, plane, boat anything oh and guess what I only got off to get back on again in about half an hour.

Grrrrrrrrr.............. Due to the weather conditions overnight and through the towns we travelled through that had all been affected by floods and snow, our journey was delayed by almost 6 hours, the problem is that they don't tell you that till you think " oh we are going to get off now it's 9.30am" nope you just hear by word of mouth. Grrrrrrrr......

Anyway this is suppose to be an adventure, mmmmmmm, questionable, it is looking a tiny bit like one.

I also wouldn't mind if the scenery all morning had been amazing, through mountains and fields and beautiful villages and towns, but it has been the same, field after field after field of flooded crops, I can't remember the last brick house I saw, all the houses are made of what looks like plastic but obviously isn't, it's a weatherboard type material, lots of trailer parks and industrial sights, but nothing great to view. It is very hard though to know what a town is like when you only see it from a train window.

I tried to sleep and apparently got in a good few hours although it felt like I Only slept this morning for a few. I'm normally very good at sleeping as soon as I need too, but I was not comfortable, even though there was actually a lot of room. The train was very clean and spacious, the toilets were clean which is always my main concern, so I cant grumble.

So we are about to get back on another train to Toronto, we were going to get a bus to Niagara falls but it is not for hours so we will do that on the way back to Chicago or on a day trip while we are in Toronto.

Our next journey is 4 hours, which includes stopping at the border of the United states to Canada. Will they let us through won't they? L.o.l!!!!

The longest journey in the world continues. I'm sure we could have gone to Australia, well almost.

Ahhh this is sooo much more exciting!! Ha ha ha ha. X x x x.

Stage 2:

We have arrived at Niagara falls, the Station, not the actual falls, do not get too excited, the journey of boredom continues. However we did get slightly excited as the scenery became more beautiful and we got to take a few good shots of the deep ravines and a small small glimpse of the falls.

The reason we are stopping at Niagara is to go through customs. So everyone off the train and cue in this small office then back on. Another hour or so waiting in the cue to get through, and if course they ask us a million questions, but eventually let us through. We now have to wait for everyone else to get through so another hour. As I type now we are actually on the train, but SHOCK waiting, for one person who may or may not get through apparently. We probably won't get into Toronto until 7.30 pm. Which will mean 21 hours on the train. Wow !! I wish I had more exciting stuff to write but for now this is it! The diary of a traveller or a flash packer as Charley calls me. Mmmmmmm wonder what we will eat tonight, we are starving !!! Hurry up train please x

Holding your life in your hands.

2011-02-21T11:38:00.000-08:00

So..... I have just finished a book, a book that I started at 6pm last night and finished at 3am this morning, I cannot remember the last time I had enough time to read a book, let alone read it from cover to cover in one night. This book was in the house of my friends mother who tragically died and was on the side as one of the last books she had borrowed from the library. I loved the fact that it was a library book, what made her choose this book? and how crazy that I should be the one to finally read it,well I think it is anyway. It caught my eye the title " the lost child of Philomena lee " I picked it up and read the blurb, it was the story of a mother who had to give her child up for adoption and the story of what the boy became and the different paths they went on and what eventually led them back to where they started. This of course pulled at my heart strings and It immediately made me want to read about it, this was exactly my story. So I bought it on my travels.

After reading this book it has reignited my ambition to find my birth mother, not that there was the perfect ending, because there wasn't, I just believe that to find self- fulfilment you need to know you did everything you could. Everything that was told by Michael in his story was how I have felt at one point or another and probably still do, everything he wished for I do too. It felt like reading my own autobiography of a orphaned child. The sense of belonging of knowing of having a connection to somebody in love and friendship. A yearning to be be loved and adored and not to upset anyone. These are all things that are longed for from children who are abandoned and feel that they are unwanted as their natural parents have never tried to find them or that's what they believe to be true. It also tells the tale of the organisations that cover up the real truth and the way into which they are bound to protect illegal adoptions etc and that even down to the nuns and women who look after and raise these children are tied into silencing about what went on In the orphanages and homes that the children are raised in.

I believe we hold our own future in our hands, whatever we chose to do we can do if we work really hard at it. This for me was reading what could be and what may be. I have to do something about it now while I can.

So I am going to use the time I have over the next 8 weeks or so to dig deeper and find as much information as I can about her just in case she may be doing the same and if our paths eventually cross then thats amazing , and if they don't then at least I know I did all I could to make her know that I have never forgotten that she is the somewhere out there and that I did want to meet her.

The journey begins. " the lost child of ............

Xxxxxxx

Random

2011-02-18T19:20:00.000-08:00

Planes trains and automobiles is meant to come after " the beginning blog" it was too long and shouldn't have been a part of my first travel blog, should of been the 2nd, so I tried to move it ad it wo t go where I want it too , so do not miss the blogs after " the beginning" blog! X x thanks loyal readers x x x any of that actually make sense?

Planes trains and Automobiles

2011-02-18T19:18:00.001-08:00

Planes, trains and automobiles.

Airports, What do they mean to most people? we love them when we are going away somewhere on holiday, but hate them when we are delayed, love them when we are greeting friends, but hate them when we know it means saying goodbye. Like many circumstances in our lives ŵe can have positive or negative views on them depending on our situations.

Millions of people every day travelling through them, some barely speaking or communicating with anyone as they pass through and others talking to whom ever they end up sat next to waiting with for their flights.

Business men in suits working on their lap tops untill their flights leave , children running around screaming looking at the planes take off through the windows, people sleeping under their coats and blankets in lounges and air stewardesses walking through in large groups to the watch of many admirers, and people shopping in duty free like they are the pound shop and they will never get anything as cheap again.

No one knows where anyone is going or why, no one knows what led them to the airport, whether it is a sad or happy reason, business or pleasure, if this is their first,last or 100 th time this year, no one knows and no one ever does unless you stop and ask, you never see some faces again, or you may end up on the same flight as someone you saw at check in, then in the same hotel or bar that night.

For most people It is just the start of a journey from one destination to the next, you are in transit and thats all you generally think about apart from maybe who you will be sitting next to on the plane? will there be screaming babies? what delights will they be serving? will you manage to get an upgrade? and will you end up with an air hostess like someone from anger management? ( now that would be tooooo funny) what films will there be to watch on the 5 inch tv screen, okay not 5 inches, but... clearly a man designed it thinking that was adequate ! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! ( I'm actually laughing out loud to myself, there will be a lot of this this trip)!!

So far for me the airport this time has started off a sad goodbye which will end in a warm hello, the beginning of a long adventure. oh and 40,00 to pay in heavy bag duty! Whoops! It's a miracle I even got everything in that bag at all.

I don't mind the travelling alone, I'm going to have to get use to it, I may not always be accompanied by a friend, I am going to have to learn to do a lot on my own, be more approachable, more conversing and engaging and pay more attention to my immediate surroundings and environment. I no longer have my friends with me taking charge, this is me now and I have to learn to get on wherever I am,survive and deal with every situation with minimal complaint, I am not traveling 5 * by any means and not everything will be too my cleanliness, tidiness, neatness or politeness as i would like, different cities, countries cultures, none of which I am familiar with.

By the way........ I'm on the plane as I type, I slept all of 45 mins so far which felt like 12 hours, I hate that, the couple next to me, lovely , young and going to NYC for their first anniversary.they cant be older than 22? I have found out have a 4 year old boy at home, ( I feel old ) I am about to go travelling like a student, well sort of, I am 30 and have nothing in comparison but everything in freedom which they don't. Swings and roundabouts, so I'm not envious for long.

The plane food has arrived and of course is vile, I'm managing to eat the so called " brunch" which looks like rubber food kids have in those play kitchens? I'm a snob Of which i am fully aware, so will eat the potato whatever it is meant to be, washed down with a can of coke, it's a brand , stick to brands where possible. There won't be many soon I am familiar with. Though I must attempt to eat healthier before I get to a beach, so coke obviously isn't a great beginning but if you think I'm drinking litres of water on a plane, your nuts, those toilets make me want to vomit just the smell and the whole suction thing? Euuuuurgh it's the noise, yuck and that smell of the bleach or whatever it is they flush these plane systems with, it's the same smell you get from festival type toilets, vile!
So no, I won't be going whilst on this plane. By the way. I have eaten the potato and thats it, there is " Organic Rachels yoghurt" which I know if my best friend was here she would be swapping for a bread roll with me. One thing I Will always eat is the bread, why do I love everything that's bad for me? that's also got to stop!!! Anyway.... I'm signing out, let's see what films I can laugh out loud to and annoy everyone around me ,Will Ferrell? Got to be a winner!

Destination 2:

I'm an Englishman in New York

I wonder what my hours in JFK will be like compared to Heathrow. what awaits me there? I'm merely connecting to my next flight,will I be their long enough to notice anything more than a walkway. I will be in a different country, but will I feel it?

Let's wait and see. Stage 1 : The journey to Chicago, not far to go.
( actually that's a huge lie, I been in the air for 2 and. Half hours, I don't land till 16: something in Chicago, hours away!!).

1.30pm NYC
So I have arrived, the airport isn't that busy, American officials everywhere, I get ushered through as I have a connecting flight, although I still have to check my bag out and back in. My bag weighs a tonne, literally feels like it does, look ridiculous as it's bigger than me, thank god it's on wheels! I manage to throw it on the trolley and wheel myself over to customs. " good afternoon mam" how you doing today? You got to love how polite Americans seem, we aren't that polite I'm sure, especially not in the airports. I go through, out the doors and there is my first real sighting of America, a flurry of yellow cabs waiting outside to pick up people.

I cross over and go to the terminal building, catch a shuttle to the terminal I need and walk to my gate ! And here I am, one plane to a train to board anther plane any minute now, short flight now on American Airlines.

It is not until the lady a the check in desk asked me who. Was connecting with did I realise it it American Airlines I am flying wit,h and only then do I start thinking about 9/11 terrorist attacks and my safety on this flight. Never even crossed my mind. Why am I only thinking of it now? Flying has never really bothered me , crashing dying bombing anything, I just don't believe we can waste our time worrying, because it would be a situation out of our control. So no point worrying about it. Move on. And I have.

See you in Chicago !!! -20 ?? Woo hoo hooo!!!

Destination 3: Chicago O Hare airport 17:00

Well I am at the airport which is all a bit crazy! You walk straight off the plane out into a strip of bars and restaurants situated on a long walk way with shops scattered all round, it is bustling with people , it is like the UK version of the duty free area when you have gone through customs. I didn't go through anywhere though? So I am highly confused as to where the customs and check points are? I literally just got off the plane walked the normal corridors then into this mayhem, then you get to a point of no return to collect your baggage then you cant go back to where everyone else is. ..???? So i am presuming this is also where people have checked in and are waiting for their connecting flights out. Odd? Very odd! So now i am sat in baggage claims waiting for my friend having a star bucks, which by the way is the best coffee I have tasted, I'm going to be wired soon, I haven't really slept and have been up since 5am UK time and it's now 17:24 Chicago time. Am I going to be a lightweight and go back and sleep? or hit Chicago town It is our first night here, let's see.

P.s I have noticed a lot of women in heels? I thought the snow was too crazy? They must a. Be foreign or b. Be used to it and pros at walking in heels in the snow? Either way makes me feel better as I have no actual snow boots, I have cowboy boots, they will have to do! Yee ha !

I'll keep you posted ! Goodbye UK hello CHICAGO USA!!!! He he he !!

Home from home part 2

2011-02-18T17:09:00.000-08:00

So today we moved hotels, to a similar one around the cormer with a better rate, the hotel we were in couldn't offer us anything better than our first week, even though potentially we will be staying for 7 weeks and 3 other people will be joining us soon also for 7 odd weeks so that's another 3 rooms rented out for a long period of time, do they not see the revenue in that?

Anyway , we have moved, and this one is even better, so I am happy of course. Ive always been a hobo so upping sticks and moving is nothing for me and Charley is the same ( oh and apparently it wouldn't be anything for me as I didn't carry anything ) welllll im a girl he's a guy the only guy around so he may as well do man things, it would look odd me dragging my suitcase across the road , ha ha ! He offered!!! By the way I am very impressed by the choice of clothes I bought with me. I have done very well and not missing anything.

The only difference in the new place apart from it being generally better and the staff much politer is the pool situation. The pool in the last hotel was situated behind the area where you get happy hour every night, which was always packed, So you would get families traipsing through in their towels and wet feet. Now I know I'm a snob but why would you put the walkway to the pool through the bar area and the seating area overlooking the pool, there is no privacy. So you get everyone and their kids barging through all the people in just their towels etc, then everyone who is standing at this bar is staring at the people in the pool, which cant be that nice? Odd set up. So where we are now is a hidden private pool. I'm happy.

Today was a beautiful bright day in Chicago. The city was busy and we walked up and down State street, there are so many beautiful buildings walkways and views to see, every day you see something new. They have this huge fish eye type statue that reflects the city in the most amazing way, I took lots of photos though they don't do it justice. As soon as I get a laptop sorted I will upload all the pictures to each relevant blog!

Across from our hotel is a supermarket which sells the most amazing chilli, so thats been dinner last night and tonight! ( not as good as ours room of course) With uncle bens rice ! Mmmm no Basmati out here Amy! Long grain it is for now! Ha ha !! They also do the most amazing rotisserie chicken, so we are eating that with salad or rice too. Yummmmmmm x x

On walking back home today through "Nordstrom" which is the equivalent to say Selfridges, they sell all high end brands, another Macy type Blomingdales store they are all much the same, I of course spotted that "Tamara Mellon" for those of you who don't know, owns JIMMY CHOO! Wll be at that store for a couple of hours on the 3 rd March, so that is where I will be with my pair of Jimmy Choos for her to sign, it's always good if you can get the actual designer to sign your shoes! I have had a pair of my louboutins signed too. I always regretted not getting my luella bag signed by Luella Bartley at the airport as I Was too embarrassed to as her and she looked busy with her kids etc. So I'm not lettting this opportunity pass. I know I'm sad but.., this is me! So that is something to look forward to for me. Did I tell you I missed Oprah as I slept in, well i didn't miss her as we were only on the subs list so I'm sure I will have the chance again, well I hope so anyway.

So it's Friday night, I've had a chilli and now m going to watch the all star basketball match on tv, as its in L.A. It is when all the best players from East and West ( I actually just said north and east ) I'm so stoooopid. Play each other, so should be good.

I'm looking forward to watching the uk football tomorrow Manchester United and Crawley Town a friends team. All day drinking ahead, well not all day but I'll have a few.

A fun Saturday ahead! X. X

Nite nite and remember tomorrow is a new day x x x

Adjusting to the American way

2011-02-16T17:14:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I will have been here a week tomorrow. It feels like a month as I have done so much already and almost feel like I'm settling in here nicely.

Chicago is such an amazing city with so much to do and see, so many streets to explore, full of life and hustle and bustle.

The roads and streets even operate differently, no roundabouts, no bends, everything has been built in blocks, which actually seems to make more sense and makes things a lot easier when you are looking for somewhere. You cant just walk across the roads whenever you like either or wherever you like, this is known as "j walking" if you do and you can get fined for it. I'm sure every state differs in their ways and not all follow the same rules but in Chicago and New York the 2 places I been it's been the same.

I am learning to adjust to their way of life, their products, the different ways they do things, how food tastes, mannerisms and rules and regulations, even the programmes on the television.

On Sunday morning I woke up to flick through some channels to come across a body piercing programme, which showed this young teenage girl, I would say 18 or so getting ready to be pierced. Now she wasn't preparing to have her ears pierced, no and wait for it................... Her back was being pierced with large fish hooks,2 in fact through her skin, she was then going to be swung and swing and wriggle around for pleasure. FOR PLEASURE.????? This was on a normal channel at before 12 midday on a Sunday. You would be receiving complaints of it was shown after 9pm on a weekday in the UK I'm sure, it almost should have been on a porn channel, it is obviously a fetish. What pleasure anyone gets out of that I don't understand. I'm no prude but that I could not watch for long, it made me cringe so I quickly turned over. Not what I could stomach at 11 am on a sunday. They also show adverts for womens contraception like the coil, or the female condom, but have to tell you both the plus and negative about them!

You will then go from that channel to kids, to Sunday worship programmes to chats about why there are so many African Americans living in poor conditions still in America, talking about the problems with drugs prostitution and crime. There does not seem to be any continuity in the way that programmes are scheduled. It jumps from one random show to another. What there is a lot of however is sport, sport and more sport, mainly basketball at the moment I think Baseball is out out of season.

The food has been interesting, of course there are loads of burger joints, fast food outlets and dozens of pizza parloursu and steak houses to choose from. But of course nothing taste as it does at home. Coleslaw is sweeter, the potatoes taste different, the sauces, so you cant order expecting the same, as nothing is. We went to a pancake house for breakfast that was recommended to us, and the portions were so big, there were literally 10 pancakes on my plate coved in syrup chocolate and cream,obviously I had to eat it, well as much as I could,but I managed about half!!! That was still ways too much !! I'm meant to be eating less! I think I'm in the wrong city for that ! Even the BBQ chicken has this crazy tasting sauce which is so hot you can just about eat it. I have found this in a few places! And it's not the best! As we are trying to save as well we have been buying food from the shops and eating in so we can make our own dinners, which are yummy! You just have to get use to the different flavours of things. I'm yet to try the milk, but I know the coffee is all amazing so it can't be too bad ! Though I'm mot sure how it will taste on my crunchy nut cornflakes tomorrow.

So as I sit and write my blog tonight I am waiting for my clothes which we are washing in the launderette, which is actually at the top of our hotel. So glad we didn't have to trek down the street to do it! This is a whole new experience for me! At least I have something to do whilst I wait, I'm a bit excited about it it's the first time, but I'm sure weeks down the line I won't be! I'm just concerned about the powder, although it's bounce, the brand, I hope it doesn't make me itch! This is where my snobbishness comes into play. I already seem to have got a rash on my arms from a cream I bought from the shop! I have now had to treat with another dermatology cream, I'm hoping its not from the sheets and wasn't actually the cream at all or I'm in trouble, my living in luxury has quickly come to an end and my body is rejecting the low thread count of the sheets ! Jesus , there probably isn't even a thread count of 1, and Egyptian cotton, it's probably Compton cotton.

Oh and did I tell you I take back the Americans are so much more polite, I don't think they are, they are as equally polite as they are rude.

Overall though so far, I love it, every day I find a new street I love, the scenery is amazing and I don't think I will tire of things to do for a while. I've only just begun to explore.

When in Rome I suppose! Xxx

nite nite and remember tomorrow is a new day xxxx

Chicago Bulls and Michael Jordan

2011-02-15T20:41:00.000-08:00

OMG ! As I sit here in my " boozer " t-shirt, I can't quite believe what a night we have just had. Watching the live basketball was beyond anything I could ever have imagined, It was insane how good it was! From the minute we walked into the arena, we had row 2 seats so we were closer than we could ever have wished for apart from being court side, we had centre court seats which were amazing, we were in the middle of everything, behind us we later learned sat the owner of the Chicago Bulls and opposite us sat Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippin, who are both of course world famous basketball players who both famously played for Chicago Bulls, Michael Jordan also co owns the Charlotte Bobcats who the Bulls were playing, so we were hopeful he would be there and he was!!! Amazing, the crowd were going insane for them both when the camera went on them and they both received a standing ovation.

The whole atmosphere at a basket ball game blows away any English sports match I have ever watched. Every second when they were not playing, you were entertained and it was amazing, you didn't know where to look. If it wasn't the cheerleaders in their skimpy outfits there were drummers, acrobatics performing dives from trampolines into the basketball net, to competitions to shoot balls into buckets to firing tshirts into the crowds through huge bazookas type guns to "benny" the mascot , a bull, messing around with the crowd. There were drummers, mascot, singers all sorts, it was awesome every minute. I love that I got to see the bit where they put the camera on the couples and they have to kiss, it's so cheesy but lovely, just like n the films, the whole stadium is positive and everyone just seems to be on a positive vibe. The players do a video at the beginning of the game to warn about behaviour and conduct at a game, and it is a comedy type warming, serious warnings but done in a very fun way through dressing up and taking the mickey!

The basketball players themselves seemed relaxed and comfortable and somehow chilled out, everyone was laughing joking happy and not aggressive or moody looking, they laughed and joked with people direct on the court side, the whole court side atmosphere looked far more relaxed and less tense and serious then say at a football match. I know they are totally different games but the players just seemed totally at ease. They are mahouuuusive,, although the tallest at 7" and the smallest 6"3 who is actually the best player. In between half time and breaks they would be on court gathered, it was all very hectic yet somehow extremely organised, everyone knew their place and as soon as they were back on everyone would disappear from around them.

There was so much going on the whole time it was ridiculous. It was like a show.

It just so happened the players whose shirt I wore seemed to be one of the best tonight along with his team mate Derek Rose So I was glad that I had his shirt on. Surprisingly not everyone had shirts on, we thought every person would do but not at all.

Overall my first and i hope not last experience of an american basketball match was amazing, they say no one puts on a show like the Americans and they don't! It was incredible!

Day 4: Valentines day! ( Day 3- nothing to report)

2011-02-15T07:31:00.000-08:00

This is the city of luuuuuuurve....... Even if you wanted to you can't escape the fact it's valentines! So what did we do? It just so happened that the museum and the Shedd aquarium that we tried to get into before is free today! Woo hoo , valentines day is good for some things!

So off we decided to go, was there a cue? Not really , well not one that lasted 2 hours, but .... It still was about an hour to cue from inside and the only bit that was free was to see the salt water fish?

Number one. I wanted to see sharks and dolphins and big big fish, not goldfish type fish, I know that sounds ridiculous but the big fish are really all i was bothered about not that I don't love Nemo and his friends , and I wasn't about to pay 45$ to do so! So we decided against it and left the cue, again!!!! Off to the museum- and shock it wasn't really free either, all the good exhibitions were not free, so we decded to stroll around anyway .... Saw some dinosaurs some aztecs and some Indians, and ....zzzzzzzzzzz are you asleep yet? It was as boring as this blog is becoming. I asked charley what he had learnt from our walk around the museum and his response was " they were more fun when your a kid " on that note, we decided to leave and go to the auto show !! Wooooo hooo much more up my street, big cars and trucks and big stuff, not for girls but I love big cars and trucks so I was excited!

We got to the auto show, which was about 5 mins in a taxi ride, the road we crossed was called Martin Luther King drive, I asked the cabby why it was called this, thinking that maybe there is a museum or something near connected to him or maybe it's where he lived? but he just said " it is called that because this road leads to all the blacks" ok then......... So if you drove to the end of this road there were a load of black people? What-just standing there in a group? Jesus. Well I wasn't about to become politically correct , but he said that this area we were in used to be really rough but they had managed to change the demographics and now it was a nicer area, all the poorer areas, mainly with people of colour lived at the end of the road now, not were we were, I am going to read about Martin Luther King and find out a bit more while I'm here, he said it wasn't a good idea to go there , which makes me want to go there more, but maybe I will just read about it instead it's not safe that end of the road !

Anyway the car show.......... How romantic on valentines day! They must have thought what a nice girl going with her boyfriend to the car show, errrrr no, i wanted to go..... and charley doesnt even drive , he wasnt interested at all, but anything has got to be better than the aquarium and the museum , and it was! I'll upload the photos soon but I loved it, anyone that knows me knows I love driving and I have been known to drive vans and all sorts, girls you all know I was the best removals driver ever ) I soooooooo want a big escalade or RAM of DODGE or the black x6 that looked like a beast, even the DEWALT truck looked insane, every car was amazing, they even had an off road track inside for advertising the GRAND CHEROKEE JEEP , you got driven around in it up slopes over rocks and on 2 wheels, it looked awesome, but obviously the cue was ridiculous, like I have began to learn in Chicago wherever you go you have to cue for a least an hour for whatever you want,and I'm the world most impatient person so I'm never going to cue. I'll find a way around this!!! Also I must say I have learnt in Chicago downtown , there are no stylish people , it's not like New York, I mean there are now 2 men I have spotted in dungarees ? I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THEY STILL MADE THEM!! No one wears tailored clothes, jeans are badly fitted , jackets too big, it's all a bit backwards in fashion, anyway.....the Auto show as they call it was good, we had a good look round, saw a few crazy cars and crazy people doing little competitions like trying to see how much they could pull in weight by a harness attatched to them, like in the worlds strongest man competition, I filmed this for pure comedy value, he also had dungarees so double laughs for me!! Dungarees? I mean come on!! Ha ha ha ha.

So after the Auto show we came back and took advantage of happy hour at the bar and went for food! I woke up with a heavy head this morning, so I think it was a Happy Valentines! X x x

Tonight we are off to watch the Chicago bulls v the Bobcats !! My first ever basketball game ! I'm sooooo excited., will let you all know how it goes x x x

Day 2 : Hungover sightseeing begins

2011-02-12T14:23:00.000-08:00

So as I said if Im not hungover sight seeing begins,I was and I am still now , plus I am hormonal so in agony but got to battle thru.

We still all managed to go sightseeing ( well sort of ) !

After a very funny night of drinking at some bars local to us with the friend we met who is Australian, but his dad is welsh ( room his name is Brenton, have you come across that in your boys baby name book yet? good friend of Charleys, very funny night, so we are all suffering, we just went to a few local bars ended up in the Irish bar again drinking jaeger bombs! A wwww gawd!!

Great night anyway, and as he is only here for the weekend, we had to do the tourist attractions of Chicago, well attempt to. Not so simple.

Taxi :First stop : Shedd aquarium , beautiful building, beautiful 2 hour cue, so next place.

The boys then wanted to go see the baseball ( just been told it was football ) stadium which is humongous!! It was also closed! But the walk round it was so nice....mmmmmmm maybe not. It Is called "Soldier field" dedicated to those who are in the armed forces, another great building ( from the outside ).

We then walked till we got a taxi and went to go to Sears tower. On the way we witnessed a very nasty crash next to us, but our taxi driver wasn't interested in stopping, we we're lucky we weren't involved really. So near escape.

Sears tower, now called Willis tower, joy another 2 hour cue, maybe Saturday Is not the best day for sightseeing for 3 very impatient people.

Next stop Navy pier. No cue, nothing,why IT'S CLOSED TOO !!!!! We are not having much luck, but the surrounding scenery is nice and obviously the company is hilarious it hasn't really mattered the boys are pure comedy entertainment thank god. They do have a park opposite with some amazing snow sculptures , I have taken lots of photos ( thanks girls for my camera ) it's permanently attached to my hand, I am an official tourist taking photos of everything! I will upload when laptop is sorted to this blog . Amazing snow sculptures anyway, it's hard to believe this city has had 8 feet or more of snow until you see some areas , as they clear everywhere so well life goes on so you don't even notice it till you get out of the city roads. When I landed into Chicago O hare airport there were literally 50 of the biggest snow trucks that are triple the size of anything I have ever seen back home, they are so well prepared here.

Anyway, after a stroll along the pier lake Michigan is completely frozen, looks amazing, it's soooooo big , we walk back through the arcade type walkway which is covered and goes the length of the pier and has shops and bars, oh and a gymnastic competition ?? And lots of photo booths? And a stained glass window museum? I mean Wth? How random is this place? So we walk through and find a bar at the end called ( actually can't remember the name ) but it is a famous bar / chain I think of a famous baseball commentator? Very traditional american, we have a few drinks and food and end up talking to some funny little gay guy, who tells us everything and I mean everything about Chicago and does he go on and on and on, in fact at one point he could have been chatting Brenton up! Hilarious, anyway he does give us some good advice so we decide the next stop will be "the John Hancock centre" as apparently you go have drink at the top and the views of Chicago are amazing it's like going to the top of the Sears Tower and cheaper ! So we go.

At last !!!! It is open, we go to the top, we get a seat and we see! The views are Incredible, I have never been so high up ! I almost feel a bit giddy that high, but beautiful, I bet at night looks incredible, and even when you go to the ladies toilets the view is there. Well done man at the bar for suggesting it, thank you.

So yesterday when we had a little stroll down " magnificent mile " which is Michigan avenue, everyone had bags from this shop called "American girl", i want to have a look , so today we went into this store. American girl is a variety of dolls, all have different names are probably the sixe of my elbow to my fore am and they all have a story. I will add the photos, I think they are almost a bit creepy. But something tells me I should buy one. But for who? They are traditional! . I'll think about it more.

Also on the "magnificient mile"'they have theses heart statues everywhere in con junction with valentines and a charity! You know in London they had elephant statues everywhere that were sold off for charity? I think this similar. I have taken photos, they are very pretty and cool. The Americans go crazy out here for valentines, adverts on tv and everything! You cannot avoid it!

We were going to go for a drink on the way back but I didn't bring my I.D out today, so they won't let me in anywhere ! Have to have it all times! Can't blag over here like home! And while we are on the topic of me being ditsy and stupid, I spilt red nail varnish on the carpet in the room, I didn't put the lid on properly and must have knocked it over coming I'm a bit tipsy off the table? Whoops ! Oh and I was asked of I like shrimps, I said I never tried one,'not knowing they are prawns! How have I got thru my life so far?

Time for a cat nap , before we go back out! Tonight we are hitting happy hour at the hotel them rush street, which is meant to be the street to go for bars and clubs.

Will let you know how I get on tomorrow. But won't be before 12 I need sleep !!

Nite nite all, and remember tomorrow is a new day x x

Day one : Chicago downtown

2011-02-11T10:06:00.000-08:00

So ....... After a very long day yesterday, we had to go to the shops as Charley ( I'm too cool to wear a coat ) Carter didn't have one and will be working outside so had to get one before today, oh and he comes from Australia, so no coat needed.

We decided as it was the first night we had to have a few drinks, so I didn't lightweight out and sleep off the jet lag yet!! We ventured to a bar across from our hotel first called "pops champagne bar" very cool, I decided to have a peach Bellini, which was in a glass the size of a wine glass with a very thick layer of froth! Which was odd, tasted amazing though, after I got through the froth. ( by the way try saying that , got through the froth quickly?) ha ha ha ! We then went on to this piano bar, which i thought would be a moody dark soulful type bar with someone who plays i jazz on the piano, perfect,always wanted to go to one, but no, was a hooters style bar, 2 pianos opposite each other and these guys play requests and they have a battle against each other, so one guy will-play a tune and sing, then you would go up and put a request in his pot and some money and he will play your request and then if people don't want that they will go and out another request in the other guys pot, get it? It's actually ver good and fun, and everyone sings dances and cheeers along, very American but was good! Never seen anything like it! ( I drank corona in this bar ) yes, it was that type of a place ! When in Rome! Ha ha. We then went across to an Irish bar and had some drinks and went home ! Fairly tipsy as the shots of brandy and Jameson whisky were almost the size of the glass they were in, no room for mixers! So I'm not sure if it's the jet lag or the alcohol is making me just want to sleep? Bit of both I think!

Anyway....... Today I got up and ventured to a "wall mart" our equivalent is wilkinsons I suppose? Full of everything and not expensive, got some bits and pieces toiletries like toothpaste, show gel etc and some food!

I am going to begin real sight seeing tomorrow when I have had a good nights sleep! That's if m not hungover from tonight !

Good thing I'm here weeks!!!

Nite nite x x x x

The beginning

2011-02-11T05:04:00.000-08:00

The beginning.

Destination 1: Terminal 5 Heathrow airport, London, UK

Well this is it. I am at the airport, no more goodbyes or tears, no more leaving parties or "see you soons" I am sitting alone ready to embark on a life changing experience for me this year.

What does the next chapter in my life bring me? and where will I be this time next year?

As much as I am sad to leave my life in the UK behind I am happy to start a new one, meet old friends along the way and make new ones.

Which country will I like the most? Will it be what I expect? What will I learn to love? What will my new routine become?

I have worked every day full-time since I was 17 and not taken many holidays in between, well none for longer than 10 days maximum! So having weeks and weeks of just fun is going to be completely alien to me. How long till I am bored? or will I quickly slip into holiday-mode and enjoy late nights out, Long lie-ins and enjoy having absolutely no agenda each day.

The best thing about this trip is that I can't predict anything so while I ask myself all these questions and try to figure out the answers I have to stop myself and just be, take each moment, hour, day, night as it comes and enjoy.

I have a feeling it's only good times ahead. I think I'm due them.

See you soon NYC. It will be short and sweet I'm afraid. I'm looking forward to the familiar face in Chicago to greet me already.

Xxxxxx

It's the final countdown.......

2011-01-30T14:40:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that I have only 2 nights left in the UK. I am not sure that any Of this is actually starting to hit me yet properly.

As I sit here typing, I have just had my final goodbye dinner with my closest group of girlfriends, as we normally would do every few weeks, but this time I won't see some of them again for a long time.... Could be months maybe years, and who knows what will have happened to all of us in that time? What will I miss in the time spent away?

The last week has been filled with goodbye dinners lunches, coffees, crikey I have had more farewells than many I'm sure, but I am lucky enough to have so many amazing friends with whom I spend daily,weekly conversations with and hang out with a lot of the time. I have always been a social butterfly so for me this really is going to be weird not being able to just pop round and spend time with people who i love and adore in many different ways.

My favourite places to go people I see and even things like driving are all the things I will miss, how long will it even be till i am driving again, and what country will that be in?

Everything I have to look forward to will be alien to me and I have everything to learn, new surroundings to enjoy and people to meet new cultures, foods and experiences ahead of me, as much as I will miss the familiar way of life, I will soon adopt the new.

However ......... No one will replace my friends, nothing ever will, however long I spend in any other country, no one knows you like your friends and can understand you without the history that you get from years of friendship years of love, laughter, trials and tribulations, hours spent round tables gossiping,sitting in bars and in our front rooms, my girls will be my biggest void, one that nothing can replace. I'm not just leaving my friends, they are like my family, my safety blanket of support.

I love you all girls, heres a dilly poem for you all.

"There are not many things more important, than your closest group of girls,
They almost become like family, your support , your backbone your world,
Hourly, daily, weekly we could Talk for hours on the phone, or just nip round to say hello for a gossip or a moan,
The giggles, jokes and laughter, the loyalty to the end, and everyone all different in the qualities that they lend,
And just because I'm leaving for maybe months or even years , my love for you wont ever fade
I'll always be right here
Even though it's not in person, well at least not for a while
I'll always be in contact to share the laughter and the smiles,
No matter where I End up and no matter where I'll be
Ill be forever grateful you are a friend to me
For everything you done for me, for always being true
For being just the way you are, I love you because your you"

Than you girls for all my beautiful cards, my presents and for being the best group of friends anyone could wish for.

This blog and email is our new best friend and way of contact daily monthly weekly!!!!

just make sure you do, rather than don't! Xxxx

Nite nite , and remember tomorrow is a new day ! X x

Starting to hit home.

2011-01-11T14:33:00.000-08:00

So I have packed up the boxes, given half my wardrobe away, sorted, cleared and thrown everything and am now just about ready to leave on the 1st February.

As I sit here in this huge, spacious, beautiful smelling warm kitchen,with Sky TV playing a movie in the background, on the 42 inch plasma,in my most favourite room in this house I have called home for the last year,it begins to sink in how much I am going to miss not just the luxuries in my life but the little things.

I have sat the last few nights writing out a hand over list for the next person that takes over my role for the family, listing everything they need to help them, though no matter what help advice and lessons you teach, nothing ever prepares you really in a new role but real experience.

I sit and write thank you cards to the people who have helped me everyday and think about the familiarity you have with certain people daily, in local shops, your local knowledge of everything, the regular lady at the till who serves you in the supermarket, with whom you conversate with on a basic but real and genuine level, and the moments like this where everything around you is taken for granted, 200 TV channels plus to choose from, heated floors, peace and quiet, food and drink at your disposal and a warm comfortable bed every night and clean hot water in endless supplies.

Im by no means going backpacking but my lifestyle is about to dramatically change again, and so much for the better I believe.

Im going back to basics again,just living for me, to make me happy again and just enjoy my life, for survival not for luxury, I will eventually be visiting places where they may not even have water in endless supplies let alone clean hot water. Where food and water are all that they work every day for and a dry safe roof over their heads.

The thought alone of leaving my very amazing group of girlfriends and my mum is so sad but I know that they all think its good for me and wish me well, even though they will of course miss me ( well I hope). They know I have always been a bit of a free spirit and not conventional or predictable in anything I do so it suits me.

I have began to think about what things I can take to make any room I stay in feel like home.

My best friend for my 30th bought me a picture holder that you can slide pictures in an out of in plastic pockets but it hangs on your door or a hook and holds about 50 photos, she had filled it up of great photos of us, so I will make sure that is filled with all my girlfriends and hang that up wherever I am, I will also have to make sure I buy a candle so the rooms smell lovely and I buy a fleece or blanket thats cosy so I can snuggle up whereverI am. Obviously I will get these things in whatever town I am in. Im sure they will sell limited edition NARS or DIPTIQUE candles in black wont they and a LEOPARD PRINT SLANKET ? ha ha ha ha .............. joke of course.

I am going toTRY and not have a mobile for the first 2 -3 weeks and just survive with email so I totally relax and switch off, as I need to get use to my blackberry not being glued to my hand, thats going to be hard.

It will be the ease of just picking up the phone and calling for hours or minutes as often as i like to my best friends about nothing in particular or the same problem a hundred times, popping in for a quick cup of tea and a chat, and girlie dinners round each others houses every few weeks, thats what Im gonna miss the most, my girlfriends, their love their time and affection that I feel on a daily basis from them all in some way. Oh and the dogs, greeting you when you come in an being on my bed every night.

No one will replace them no matterwhere I go in the world.

Like they say " there is no distance between true friends" I hope that proves true, as this is gonna be hard.

Nite Nite and remember tommorrow is a new day xxx

Not out with the old ....but embrace the new

2010-12-30T14:39:00.000-08:00

So today was my dads funeral..................... its about as much as I have been able to manage today to type this. But as you know I am best putting my feelings down on paper as it were, rather than speaking.

Today my words didnt come out, my voice couldnt be heard from my own mouth but my words of my poem were told through the vicar who kindly took over.

Topday I realised real tears, real love, real heartbreak. For nothing prepared me for how I felt. The strength I thought I could find I didnt. A love I thought couldnt be as deep was deeper, is deeper.

Anyway.................................( big sigh)!!

What I want to say is that as we embark on another new year of our lives we need to remember what we have gained,learnt and loved from the past year not just lost and take it through to next, nothing needs to be forgotten and banished, for everything that happned last year will have shaped us for next.

This next year I feel will be life changing for me, I am about to enter unfamiliar territory with new work prospects, travelling and who knows maybe I will find someone whom if I love even a fraction of what I did my dad can count himself a lucky man.

Whatever, wherever, whenever, enjoy, take time, be grateful.

Make this year your year, I think it could be mine.

Nite Nite, and thank you for lending me your ears, you have helped me in more ways than you could know.

xxxx

If nothing else give time........................

2010-12-24T15:03:00.001-08:00

So in a few hours its Christmas.

You could be out partying ( I normally am, but this year has obviously changed for me, time to be with mum ), you may be at a friends or already home for Christmas preparing for tommorrow and beginning the big wind down, family time, mince pies, mulled wine, board games Christmas dinners and quality time with all.

These are the times we should appreciate and all enjoy. Often or not we will moan about it all, there will proabbly be some sort of family argument, stroppy teenagers, shouting and lots of arguing over games,toys whose drank all the drink and whose go it is on the Wii next.

What do we love most about Christmas? Do we love all of the above? Generally we do. Thats why we look forward to it all year round.

But what do our parents and families love most? That we are all brought together, that wherever we may be all year round, that maybe on this one day we have chosen to spend it at home,come together, sit and listen to nans stories of old,share a drink with the auntys and uncles you havent seen for ages, spend more than half an hour in the same room as your little sister who annoys you more than life, but most of all be there not anywhere else.

Thats what makes it special to our families.

Offering to make mum a cup of tea, clean the kitchen up for her, sleep on the sofa so someone else can have your bed, sit next to Grandad or your uncle who is snoring so loudly no one can even hear the TV, or go to church for carols and wait while everyone who hasnt seen you for the year says how lovely it is to see you, as you watch mum stand proud that you have made the effort to even come.

Everything we do up untill this day is normally a huge expense, presents alcohol parties, food and shopping, all for one day when actually all that makes our families happy is that we are there at all. That we are spending real time to sit listen and be with the ones we love as we do the things that money cant buy.

The things that money doesnt buy like the time in one anothers companies and the gestures we do that cost us nothing in the few days that we are given together, these are the things that our families will remember the most, more than any gifts.

So enjoy your time together this Christmas, make it special for everyone around you,even if it is as simple as making everyone a cuppa or playing Chess with your Uncle who takes an hour to make one move. Be patient. People appreciate your time more than you could ever realise.

Whatever you do,in whatever way you know best, just make sure you do, fulll stop.

Happy Christmas everyone, may it be as peaceful or as crazy as you wish.

Goodnite, and remember tommorrow is a new day, hope Santa is good to you all

xxxxx

Nothing like home !

2010-12-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

Due to the recent death of my father I have come home to be with my mum for a few days to sort things out and be here with her.

My mum like most peoples mums is strong and resilient and is the backbone of our family, she would survive wherever she is and no matter what, she is very self sufficient and not needy at all.

What I love about my mum is again like everyones mum is that no matter what happens in life to you or to them they remain the same and so does the house that you call " home".

Now I know that sounds obvious, but that is why people say " there is no place like home" because there really isn't.

The most familiar and hopefully, loving warm place you could come to where you can just kick back relax and do as you please, within reason of course. The food, the sofa you sit on, the room you sleep in, the sheets the bathroom, everything is so strangely old but familiar and comforting. You can just wear what you want kick back and relax, no make up no effort no nothing.

I mean, even as I walk through the front door the smell hits me, always something recently been cooked, ,mmmmm and to be honest will be a curry smell as she knows I am coming home and that's all I want to eat when I'm home as you just don't get good curry like you do from home, well I don't anyway , my mums curries are out of this world ! ( yes I'm probably biased ) but they are sooo good ! I'll sling my bags down and go find her, she will be pottering about upstairs doing something or other, always same few questions, did you drive fast? Are you hungry? Why aren't you wearing more? Wheres your coat!?

I always go to the fridge, mm im such a foodie, see what's in there and it's always the same brands there has been forever that I never see in anyone elses fridge, like Bonne Maman jam, half a loaf of bread, she always keeps bread in the fridge???? ....... The boxes of empty jam jars and Chinese containers and cat food boxes that are used as plant holders or storage bits for spices.

So I sit down, she moans as I have been eating food while it's being cooked from the pan, that I drank all the orange juice, that I shouldn't drink so much wine, that I shouldn't leave the tap running or use so much fairy liquid, and while I sit here she is moaning that I threw away a half tin of tomatoes in the fridge ( I cleaned her fridge out for her, I always clean her kitchen as soon as I get here from top to bottom kitchen windows everything, as it doesn't get done enough, it's not dirty just not how I'd have it, so yes any tins in fridge gotta go, it's not good anyway i thought, whoops) I'm apparently too wasteful, hence the reason I don't own my own house yet but have lots of nice shoes! Whoops again!

Anyway really I love all that, we all love a bit of moaning really, dont we? that is what mums do best, and it's only because they love us soo much, or so try lead us to believe, it makes me feel like I really am home !

Products such as Radox and Buttercup syrup and Dettol, Simple, Jamaican Ginger cake are all things that in a second will remind me of being at home, the smell the taste the aroma and the feeling they bring are like nothing you can compare.

The feeling you get from being at home in the place where love sees no boundaries no judgement no airs and graces nothing but pure adoration and love for one person to another is so special and can't be transferred bottled or sold. It's just there.

So be forever grateful, while you can, and I know it can be hard and like me you may not be able to rest until you have found the wireless key for the internet, this Christmas spent at home with family, anytime at home, should be treasured and appreciated.

Like anything you never do till it's gone.

Night night, and remember tomorrow is a new day xxx

For you ............

2010-12-16T22:20:00.000-08:00

For every hour God gave you, you gave to someone else
the last person you would give to would ever be yourself

For your endless hours of snoring that would often shake the house
to your praying by my bedside for my happiness and health

To your awful awful driving that would make me close my eyes
To your ever smart appearance in your jacket shirt and tie

For the chess the draughts the card games , your only every joy
badminton squash and running, you were so sporty as a boy

For your intelligence and knowledge for your excellence at maths, for waiting while i tried to add I was dreadful but u helped

For never being disappointed for always making me believe
That as long as I thought it was right, than that was meant to be

For the house parties and dramas than were often week in week out
for the havoc and mayhem that we caused, and rarely did you shout

For your resemblance to columbo it was your claim to fame
For your hours sat their praying that our lives would never see pain

For Freda Darling Dilly, you never knew our names , so just would call them in one go,
we would come running all the same

For the love you showed your family your brother and your sisters,
For the happiness it gave you to always sit and listen, to their problems woes and worries, you would always see them right
And instil in them the confidence that everything would be alright

For everything you gave us,
For everything we are

For the only reason I am who I am is because of who you are

All I ever wanted, was just to make you proud,and be the darling daughter you picked out from a crowd

I know we we were your whole world and and that you loved us through and through

And everything I do now will ever be FOR YOU

I'll love you forever Dad

Xxxxx

rest in peace, I am happy your no longer in pain xx

Xxxxx

Xxx

That isnt Love

2010-12-01T03:17:00.000-08:00

Im surprised I have never ever written about this subject before as every time a story like this comes to light, which in our newspapers and tabloids is almost every week It riles me. A recent story has just been passed to me which is about to come headline news. Im not even going to discuss what its about as thats not my style. You will find out yourselves. Or maybe you wont.

My last blog talked of what real love is, this blog tells of what you dont do if you love someone.

Selling stories, why do people do it? If not for financial gain to try and destroy hurt,embarass and expose the people they are talking about.

Generally people sell their stories to make a quick bit of cash or because they feel they have been hurt so badly that nothing else could be more hurtful to that person than to let the whole world know about it. For them this is the perfect payback.

What gets me about these people is how short their memories must be.

I am sure that like in this blog I just read and in the endless stories of girls and guys who have slept with or dated celebrities that they at one point were having a good time.

I am sure that they had endless nights drinking champagne being wined dined taken out to glitzy parties, travelling the world staying in amazing hotels, being bought expensive gifts of bags shoes clothes, cars and even houses, these people would probably have taken and shown you things you may never have got to experience if you had never met them.

Is that not nice? Was that ever nice? Did they have to do all those things? Did you enjoy all those things and all the nights, days and weeks you had with them? Were you happy to take everything they offered you? I would say you probably had much more fun than you did bad, well you did up and to the point that you decided to sell them down the river.

But as soon as something doesnt go your way, what do you do? How do you act? Oh i no the quickest and most effective way to let everyone know that ur pissed off is to sell your story, tell the world exactly what they were like and why your doing this and that they deserve this treatment. So everyone in this country ( who love to watch people get torn apart) can agree with you and think "yeah i thought they were like that".

What happened to the love that you had for that person? What about everything they did for you? Where does the loyalty suddenly go?

Maybe I am too loyal for my own good when it comes to friendship and remembering what someone has done for you.

Dont get me wrong I have been hurt as much as the next person by people that I could easily talk about, but why would you? what gain will you get from it? Whatever gain will be a short and very miserable one. As no one really respects anyone for gossiping, spreading rumours or truth. All you have proved yourself to be is unstustworthy disloyal, ungrateful and yes bitter. You cant then say at the end of the interview, but I wish them well and will always love them. Love is not discussing your relationship with millions of people through the media.

Love doesnt always go down the road we want it to and we learn a lot along the way from each relationship, but take from it the good, and learn that what didnt work the distrust, the broken promises,try to avoid it next time, date someone out the limelight.

You generally know what your letting yourself in for, so be more prepared, but most of all be loyal.

No one likes a gossip or a grass,didnt your mum ever tell you not to tell tales? what do you actually get from it? You will never be the one who comes out on top ever.

Wouldnt you have rather remained friends with that person and remain dignified, who knows you may get back what was damaged and repair it if you say you still love them deep down.

You cant buy classs, but you can prove it. Knowledge is power, but only in the right hands.

Have a good day xxxx

Thats real love.

2010-11-30T14:50:00.000-08:00

Love, one of the smallest words but with the most meaning, and so many meanings, so many ways of using it, showing it , proving it, meaning it.

Do you love daily? What do you love? Who do you love? Do you love yourself? Have you ever been in Love , Are you in love now? How do you know if you are, and how do you know if you arent?

What does it mean to you to love someone?

I think I have a big heart and that I am loving. I believe that I love my friends and family dearly and would do anything and everything to make sure they are always okay and help them and be there for them no matter what. I would go out my way for any of them and their own families if they needed it. That to me is probably the most important valued form of Love the one that we show our friends and family, this is the one that often hurts the most if it is broken in some way because its so hard to fix as we dont want to lose it.

What about Love between two people? Romance. How long does it last? When you have met someone and fall in love , now when i say fall in love, what does that mean?

Have you actually fallen in love? Or is it that you just are amazed at what this person is showing you and are in awe of it all as it is new to you? Its exciting and fresh so keeps you interested and you want as much of this feeling as possible, how long does it last that feeling? For some people, it last forever, they will always get that buzz you get when you know you are going to see that person, they will still look forward to spending every minute with them, hearing their voice, feeling their touch listening to them talk, just about everything will always be lovely.

How does that end? Why does it end? Where does the Love suddenly go? Is it because we get used to it? How do we keep it alive? what makes us keep it alive? How do we know when it is worth keeping or throwing away?

I would say we know the love has ended when you tend to be more sad than happy, its fairly simple. But they say if you really love someone and you can't make them happy or vice versa then you should let them go and let someone else make them happy, I agree with that.

I think as I write this my frame of my mind is unsure as I am single, I am not "in love " as such although I hold a few peole very close to my heart and always will.

I really believe I have loved hard and loved well. I think I give my all to a relationship If I can and will do my best to Love someone to the best of my ability in the time that I am with them or do things that show some form of Love, I wont ever hold back for fear of being hurt I will just act how I feel i should at the time.

In the last few months situations have arose that has meant Love has been put to the test and it always seems that the same people are consistent in their feelings.

The Love I enjoy most is the one that creeps up now and again and reminds you that its there and makes you stop, think and remember, and most of all value. The Love that sees no hate, jealousy, judgement or question.

A pure undoubted , unconditional love that even if you thought wasnt still there it is, and always will be, and yet it has taken only a second to walk back into your life and remind you it is there, whether you want it or not, its yours and its precious.

Thats a good love. Thats real Love.

Nite Nite and remember, tommorrow is a new day.

xxxx

Goodbye 20s hello 30s !!

2010-11-10T14:35:00.000-08:00

So I am 30 in a few hours time!

30 ? Where have the years gone? Im sure i was only leaving school 5 minutes ago? And so my beautiful best friend reminded me through the CDs she compiled of music from the years gone by that we use to share, i still feel like I am that age, walking down the high street in gangs singing songs, taking part in school concerts, drinking till we cant drink anymore, snogging in alley ways ( actually, that may happen occasionally) ha ha ha, but where did they go the years?

I look back and think, 1.How am I actually still here through the dramas and troubles, 2. How comes i still look 16? And 3. My god how lucky I am to live the life I do , know the people I do and to have the most amazing friends in the world who this birthday have outdone themselves in showing me how much I am am loved and adored by spoiling me thoroughly, that surely means I have done a few things right in my life!

I cant begin to thank everyone that has made my 20s as fun as they were , and as much as I will have forgotten, I will also remember for years to come.

Is this a turning point? Where do I go from here and what will life bring me? Is it exciting or nerve racking? For me it's both.

I can't predict anything, but what I can do is continue to love life, my friends and family and wish us all another 30 plus years together filled with as many good times as there were in my 20s!

So to everyone who made me 20s , thankyou for whatever role you played big or small, you shaped me for the next stage, so here is to my 30s, may they be as good if not better!

Nite nite, and remember tomorrow really is a new day !!

XXXXXXX

Anyone seen my mum?

2010-10-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while since I wrote a blog.....I only write when a) I can write about it and it's not a secret and b) I got important stuff to discuss with you.

Anyway.............. In 2 weeks today I will be 30. Yep 30, what does that mean for me? what would it, does it, did it mean for you?

Up untill this week It meant I would finally be a woman ( you laugh !!!) Im all grown up, people have to start taking me seriously, by 30 you know what you like and don't like, you should have been down a few paths, ( ive been down them all not only walked but run and sprinted them, there and back)so am fairly certain of things, we should be well educated and aware of what life has to offer and know roughly what we want.

I was looking forward to it. I still am. But it has also made me think about a few more serious thing, like work, being in a job I love and can grow in, buying my own place, saving, being in love and .............well .. finding my real mum.

Its been 30 years. And she hasn't found me yet, so maybe I need to start looking for her. Maybe she hasn't found me because she doesn't want to admit I ever happened. Circumstances were hard and she had no choice, she was strong enough to go through the pregnancy to then give me up for adoption, and that alone takes a lot, so I don't hate her. I know that she had me out of wedlock and I know that it wasn't her choice and that she had to do it, so I can understand that that part of her life may have been hidden. I would imagine that now she has married and has a family of her own somewhere in Sri Lanka or maybe she is here in the UK. Who knows, I dont.

I do not have a clue where in the world she may be, where do I begin to look? I suppose Sri Lanka is the first place.

So I have started a group on a facebook this seems the most obvious place first, and told everyone what I am doing, make as many people aware as possible so that if anyone can help me they will. Then I suppose I just keep plugging away whenever I can and look through different channels to see if I can find her.

Why do I even want to find her? I mean she hasnt looked for me and It is not because I dont fully love my mum and dad, because without them, I wouldn't be sitting here now living the life I lead, met the poeple I have and have the morals and values that I believe in. For them I am eternallly in debt. and if they could even begin to imagine how much I love them then I am happy. I am who I am because of them and what they sacrificed for me and Im not looking to replace them or any such thing like that.

I just need to know for my own curiosity and sanity. I don't want to question her reason I just want to know if I look like someone else, act like someone else and have any other family that look like me, brothers and sisters and what my medical history may be.

I would be happy with just a photo and a letter telling me that yes I am hers, and yes she has thought about me, and yes she is happy that I have turned out the way I have and that she is happy I found her and if I like one day I can meet her and realise for myself that she did the right thing, and give me the inner peace that maybe Im searching for.

They say you don't know where your going till you know where your from, so the journey begins. It's going to be hard and maybe there won't be a happy ending but I need to find that out for myself.

Nite, Nite and remember tommorrow is a new day

xxxxxx

The six degrees of seperation hopefully will coem through for me.

Whats your tone?

2010-09-23T15:34:00.000-07:00

How long before you know someone? I mean know them well. Well enough to sense certain things about them . When they are sad, upset,happy, in love, depressed, moody or annoyed.

How quickly can you assses this? How long does it take to know someone before you think you know how they are feeling?

In most situations peoples faces clearly tell us through their facial expressions, this is the most obvious or the tone of their voice, how high or low.

But what when your reading? How do you understand the tone of the person? You can normally imagine the situation asthe writer will have set the scene so you can get an idea of how they are talking , so you can imagine exactly how the person is speaking.

But what when it is a letter? When you are writing to someone in the armed forces or in prison.

The worst thing about writing letters is waiting for responses and not being able to discuss the letter straight away. It is torture.

I talk about this as I recently received a letter, I have been writing to my friend.

But this letter was different. I knew from the moment I opened the envelope this letter was different to any others I had received.

One sheet of paper. A few paragraphs. No emotions through affectionate terms or symbols or drawings. Nothing I had been waiting to hear about was in the letter and nothing I wanted to hear. The letter felt cold from the first sentence to the last in the way it was signed off.

I didnt get the excitement that I usually do from them and no matter how many times I have re-read it I still don't get it, and the cold tone still powers through.

It is amazing the power of the english language and how certain words, statements can make or break our mood, change our emotions in seconds.

I would imagine that from the tone of this blog you can feel that this incident has made me sad.

When you know someone well you can imagine exactly how they are talking to you and in what tone you can picture clearly their facial expfressions when they are talking to you.

So letters are the most torturous form of contact when there is a problem. There is nothing you can do quickly, unlike a text you realise someones tone quickly and act on it and reply and either sort it out immediately by calling or ignore it till it changes.

The english language ( or any language ) for the point is incredible, words can be used in so many diffrent ways and epxressed in so many different tones, the same word can be used in many diffrent ways, just one word can change a whole sentence,

One word can change someones emotions in seconds, so whatever you say, choose carefully.

Nite nite and remember, tommorrow is a new day.

xxxxxx

Burning the candle at both ends?

2010-09-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

So .........................It's the end of the summer............ well nearly...................... end of the summer holidays for the kids and the end of days of washing 5 loads of clothes a day for kids that change constantly as they are at home in the day, early finishes from work drinking from 5 with your friends in the pub gardens till midnight, barbeques and festival after festival after festival!!!

How much have you done this summer? How much have you over done this summer? In fact how often do you over do it, fullstop?

We all think we know our limits, we are all young (ish) so think we can party all day all night every day every night if we wanted to, but we don;t, well not often. But when we do........... boy do we do it well.

In my teens, late teens, I could work all day, go out to a pub/club, party all night throught till the morning, have a few hours sleep, maybe as little as an hour and still go to work and do the same again for days on the trot.

As you get into your twentys you may do this Thursday Friday through to Monday, but when you start to hit your late 20's early 30's you generally slow down a bit. You are no longer able to party 3 or 4 nights ina row and still function normally the next day.

I had a few late nights over the bank holiday weekend, which I don't normally anymore, not one night after the next, but I did, and yeah it was fun... but Im suffering still now. I can't survive 3 nights in a row out till late then getting up to work or do something as simple as meeting people for lunch !! I just want to sleep in all day and I cant.

some of my friends have just done a week in Ibiza and are still recovering 2 weeks later !!!

Im still trying to cathc up on sleep I missed over the 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is not good for you, we all need sleep, or we get grumpy and moody and do not want to see anyone or be around anyone, we can't focus at work and we generally just want to curl up ina ball and die! The dreaded hangover. That as you get older lasts a week , not a few hours like it did when you were in your teens!!!!! And no amount of Macdonalds or fry ups seem to help.

Will we learn from it ? Helllllll nooooooo!!!! course we won't, we will try and burn the candle at both ends for as long as we want to believe we are still in our teens, still able to go out all night every night aftre night on the trot and party like its 1999!!!!

We need to realise ,which we kinda do.... that we can have fun, in small short doses, or just the odd crazy night, which normally will be worth waiting for, because when you try and do too much to keep up with everyone else, you end up doing too much and feeling miserable at the end of it, I mean it's fun at the time, we all know that, and it always seems like a good idea, but unless your in your teens and early 20's with not much responsibilty or jobs to do or people to consider or maybe affected by your constant partying ways, then party on!!!

Because even when you think your missing out, your really not,because the nights that you are out, are what shape your life, not the ones you missed.

nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day xxxx

"This is the Heart-Break Hotel "

2010-08-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

Now when I hear these word's, I instantly think of the Whitney Houston song, great song !!! Especially when you feel it has meaning to you.

I am a huge fan of whitney so most of her songs I love, whatever she is warbling on about.

Heart break Hotel however seems to be more poignant at the moment than any other, and there are a few of my friends that seem to be checking in by the coach load.

Why is it that often or not a few of us seem to share heartache at the same time of some sort? And even if we are not sharing our heartache at the same time, we all have experienced it at one point or another so we understand, and if you have never experienced it then you are extremely lucky. ( so go away )!!

Girls really are girls, I mean we know how to rally round and look after each other,when to speak,listen,be serious or crack jokes, but mostly we know what to do and when for each other.

We can listen to the same story over a million times and still have more to say about it or still feel the need to be reassured about a situation that we known will not suddenly change, no matter how many different people we talk to or how many times we tell it.

We are good at sitting around, eating pizza, drinking wine watching films and boring each other again and again about what we wudda, shudda, cudda done.

And the best thing.............................. we will do it week in week out untill we have eventually got over it or resolved it !! Then its on to the next problem, to tear apart disect and discuss again and again!

The best thing about the girls is that we at any time can be sure that if we do check into Heartbreak hotel, we aren't ever really alone, there are hundreds of other people checked in, and we can all leave whenever we want to, we just have to find the courage to do so, and thats why we are all there for each other,whether you are passing in the lobby dropping off or picking up someone is always going to be there.

Heartbreak hotel is never a long stay, you may seem like you will be checked in forever but forever normally only lasts a few days or weeks, so pack light !!

xxxxxx

The road to a friends house is never long

2010-08-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

This last week has been a tough one. I lost my uncle and aunty a week apart from each other. My dads sister and brother in law. My uncle was in his 80s but otherwise of good health, his wife died a week later, she was very poorly.

My family are not particularly close, in distance or in closeness, but we are there for each other when we need to be, well I think so anyway.

So as my own parents were too unwell to go I went to represent our family and actually they were the only family I saw as I was growing up, well more than once every few years anyway. My parents were far closer to them and spoke every few days on the phone.

The journey to Bolton is long, but I have a very good friend who lives en route in Alderly Edge, well almost on route. So it made sense to leave early morning miss the rush hour traffic on a monday morning and meet him for breakfast and a catch up.

Since he has moved up there with his girlfriend he is obviously not around as much as he use to be, so this was a perfect opportunity to spend some time with him as the funeral did not start till 12 midday.

The great thing about friendship is familiarity. It doesnt matter where you are in the world or how long it has been since you last spoke, you know each other well enough to pick up where you left off, to laugh out loud no matter where you are, joke and have a meaningful conversation. In minutes it can feel like you never were really gone for that long.

I would say that many of us underestimate the power of friendship and family ties and how a round journey to spend an hour with people that are in need of support can mean to someone, it may feel like a huge effort initially and the distance can often seem long and tiresome,but what is the real value of what comes from the effort you make? I dont think it can be measured.

We all have different situations in life that arise between our friends and families, that all require us to make ourselves known and show our support and love in the only way we know how, everyone does this in different ways. But whatever way you decided to show someone that they are in your thoughts and that you care and love them, just make sure that it IS shown, full stop, because you cant go back and correct what you didnt do.

Its the age old saying " treat others as you wish to be treated " and "if you can?, do".

"A little goes a long way"

Nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day xxx

When in Rome

2010-08-10T14:37:00.000-07:00

So I went camping...........................AND ...........I LOVED IT!!!

Actually, maybe I loved the company more than the camping so thats why I loved the camping? Understand?

Thank God we stayed in the more expensive part of the site which is seperated from the rest of the campers nogt by much, a fence !! BUT HAS PROPER TOILETS, well as far as port s cabin toilets go. they had a flush and were clesn and had endless supplies of toilet roll, and the showers were as clean as they could be and were fairly warm.

Now im totally spoilt with what i beleieve to be lovely and not so nothing was to my standard but as camping hogh end it was good enough.

Our tent was somewhat small, or should I say cosy? No small.

Gone but not forgotten........................

2010-07-29T15:44:00.000-07:00

We all react differently when we hear the news of a death. Be it a close friend, a friend of a friend a family member or figure in the media whom we barely knew, we all react in different ways.

I found out today that my driving instructor whose son I went to school with and remained friends with throughout the years, who later went on to marry my now very good friend, lost their father to cancer this weekend. I only found out today. we were all aware that it may have happened this last few weeks but no one knew when of course.

The reason this is so sad is not only that I had known him for nearly 13 years or more and that he leaves behind a beautiful family but for me that he was one of the main memories from my teenage years, our driving lessons were hilarious and we would often go in groups in the car up to London, my friends and I would take it in turns to drive around the whole of town. He would be cursing other drivers who cut us up and it would generally be non stop laughter the whole way yet still a valuable lesson. He always said it would make us more confident and for most of us it did. I have no problems at all driving into London and thats only because he instilled the confidence in us from the beginning to do this. No other instructor would have dare take you into London when you are learning. He even went on and taught an ex boyfriend of mine years later, which to this day I regretted ever introducing them,as eh was a nightmare learner driver, Im sure he ended up still owing him lesson money!! Sorry John...... he got away with that.................bastard.

He was no ordinary instructor, a scotsman, like my own boss, I would take his old golf shirts to him in his last months as there was not much else that fitted him and he loved them as they had the sponsor "Visit Scotland" on them and were soft and comfortable, he was a gentle giant. He looked like a hells angel ( can;t remeber if he actually ever was??), covered from head to toe in tattoos and always smoking a roll up out the window, oh and his softer side....... he loved Elton John, he would always take us past his house in windsor on our lessons!! Im sure thats where my love for Elton John came, it would always be blasting out the windows of that little blue citroen saxo.

He made us laugh, giggle and was always such fun to be with, before, during and years after our lessons. His children all have the same warmth about them and they share an amazingly close bond.

It is always devastating to lose a loved one, and we all have our different reasons for why someone is important to you and what affect they had on your life.

One thing is for sure whatever it is or was, the comfort that you take from it, are the memories you shared and moments spent together, you may not ever be able to recreate them but they will and never can be forgotten and only you hold the key to them that no one can take away.

Rest in peace John Kean.... Gone but never forgotten

xxx

Innocent till proven guilty

2010-07-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

I have been in court today, sorry correction, I waited for 4 hours outside the court room to be called in as a witness, as they ran over and didn't need me in the end. So I have to come back tommorrow. Joy. A wasted day , well sort of, I of course made phonecalls organised things looked into things as much as I could do from where I was with just my blackberry.

I can't tell you the reasons I am in court of course, but what I can tell you is that it is serious eough for the person involved of course and could change his whole life forever if he is found guilty, and I have t take my part in this seriously that my evidence and actions are all party to the outcome.

In fact, it is bad for him already that this has gone to court. Whether he is guilty or not is not his only problem. The problem for him already are that people are aware of this case and it could haunt him forever.

Most of us have probably done something we shouldn't have in our lives, told some white lies, big lies, twisted the truth or commited crimes that we do not even realise could result in a jail sentence if we were caught, i.e chatting on your mobile etc.... some more serious than others, if we are totally innocent of this then maybe we know someone that knows someone who has committed a crime but does not deserve to be put in jail for, as they are much better needed out there than inside a prison.

Now I am all for the inncoent untill proven guilty idea, I believe in a fair trial, I believe that if someone really is innocent it is unfair that they are often put through such strain and duress if they are deemed guilty from the offset.

I just wish they would be more fair when handing out sentences and look at the on the severity of the threat to the public and the time they need to serve reflecting their crime.

How do we ever know what is truth if we do not know all the fact as we were not present ourselves, and what if we do know all the facts but someone is opposing that, how do the jury ever know for sure what is real and what isn't? They have to rely solely on hard evidence and fact.

What makes me more angry is when people who really don't deserve to be locked up, are. I mean people who are not a danger to society but have just maybe made a few harmless twists and turns in order to lead a better life for their families, people who would never harm a fly are often locked up for years as opposed to peole who commit violent crimes and literally almost get away with murder.

The justice system in this country is always in question, especially when it involves children and the elderly, these are always the cases which seem to be the ones that come out with the most unfair punishments , wheareas people who don't pay parking fines, or commit lesser crimes where nobody is hurt are punished for much longer.

Now I am not condoning anyones behaviour because there is always a reason you have been brought to the courts attention in the first place. Be it your fault or not, it is a long long process and if your lucky and get away with it or in a proffesional term are actually innocent, lets hope the journey to that decision has not affected your life in the long term and you can learn not to go down that path again, for the punishment is not always befitting of the crime.

But if you are guilty and proven so then the jury made the right decision and you can do nothing but ride your time out.

Be careful of the path you choose because prison is prison for a reason. There is no escape.

Nite Nite and remember, tommorrow is a new day x x x x

Is that what makes it good?

2010-07-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

So I have just been to watch Inception.

I can't stop thinking about how confused I was throughout it and how hard it was to watch at some points. Now it could be me, It often takes me a while to work films out, but I think the aim of the film was toleave you wondering, I don;t think you are meant to fully understand every bit straight away so that you want to watch it again, so that you want to talk to people about it and discuss it,there is your free advertising, word of mouth. I came home and talked to everyone about it so those who have not seen it, want to go and watch !

Is that what they want? Is that what makes the film good?

Films that leave you wondering about it for days after, is there going to be a sequel, how would it work, what would they do next? did that really end that way? what was he/she really doing? what did that really mean?

It also leads me thinking to the creators,directors and writers of these films. Now I have always been pretty disturbed at the people behind horror films that are gruesome or really nasty and frightening, where the victim may have their insides dragged out by a mad axe murderer etc etc etc ( I can scare myself even typing) I hate horrors sooo much, because unfortunately apart from the really far fetched, as lot of these stories actually happen in real life somewhere in this crazy world. The thing that worries me with these writers are their thoughts and where they have stemmed from, I mean they have to have serious vivid imagination, a disturbed imagination. Imagine the husband, for example Stephen King, "hey honey, i just thought of this story, this scary looking clown goes around hiding in drains and scaring young children and kidnapping them and then who knows what happens to them" your telling me you would be like " oh honey thats such a good story line"- err no, you would be like ok..... step away from the clown outfit at our childs birthday party this week and do not cut the cake..... I mean really..... are these film people nuts? they have to be slightly deluded/warped or a little crazy to think up these story lines that are as diverse as Inception or scary as say The hills have Eyes or Hostel..... On one hand it is scary but on the other enticing and compelling viewing for millions of us, so much so that every week millions of us around the world spend money go to the cinema and rent films to watch.

What would we do without television and film entertainment, we love it we enjoy it we would be lost without it, both fact and fictional.

So whatever the world of media brings to you, just make sure like they warn " do not try this at home, events depicted in theis film are purely for entertainment purposes"

Sweet dreams....................................

Nite nite and remember tommorrow is a new day

xxxxx

Re runs are re runs for a reason !!! ( derrrrrrr!!!)

2010-07-26T15:39:00.000-07:00

So i am sitting here tonight, I had just watched Will Smiths film, Seven Pounds, I have seen it before but only remembered vaguely. It was very very good, he is very very good, and yeah hes easy on the eye !!! lol !!

Straight after that I flicked through the channels to see what else was on, and what catches my eye, as it does every time, without fail.... Sex and the city............... the one where .............Carrie is with Berger and gets her book advance buys him a prada shirt..Samantha tells Smith she will do his PR and make him a star etc etc et>>>>>>>>>>>Now to some of you this may all seem alien but for a lot of you who know SATC you will know exactly what I mean. what is it with re-runs? why do we watch and watch and watch, and how can we still watch and watch with the same excitement and enjoyment? we know what is going to happen we know the ending ( if your as bigger fan as me you really do know the ending) I watched both films! The first movie several times !! so what makes us want to watch them again?

Sex and the City to me is like Friends to other people.... you can watch any episode and enjoy it, it doesnt have to be in sequence. It is just enjoyable funny television made to make you feel, I dont know , for everyone its different, for me I love that I know what is going to happen so it makes it exciting not boring, because you watch that person go through all those events leading up to the end again and again and the fun that they all have getting there. The girly times that we have all shared and enjoyed, ok some is a bit far fetched but most of which we can relate to in some way or another as man or a woman!!

They re-play these programmes because they are really good, the best shows, Sky even have a channel called' living loves' , which shows all your favourite repeats !! and they are easy to watch and generally most people can just pick up and watch at any time, its easy viewing !

I think the best thing about re-runs of films and tv programmes is because we know what is going to happen we can relax unwind and just enjoy, there is no suspense or disappointment, we know what is going to happen and thats whats good about it. We can enjoy it all over again !

If our life was on a tv show, would we want to watch and watch again?

I definitly wouldnt.

Nite nite, remember tommorrow is a new day x x x

What is your therapy?

2010-07-25T12:51:00.000-07:00

I have always believed that through my lifes trials and tribulations I could have done with little therapy. Now I went, once and that was it. Why did I go? because I was having a hard time of things and I was feeling down and felt I needed someone who wasnt connected to me to talk to about it. I have had a lot of things go on in mylife that I feel I may not have really dealt with or come to terms with, now that is because I am not one to dwell on anything for very long, and I will never wallow in self pity or be deprressed as I am generally a positive upbeat person.

I will always try and see the positive to most things and try to see the good in everything. But sometimes you just can't and need someone else to lend an ear to talk about it. Now proffesional help can work for lots of people, but why? I believe the main reaason is that you can trust that person not to tell anyone else. You can be assured that your mother father brother sister friend wont know how your feeling and tell anyone else. It is the actual process of telling someobdy who has no ties to you in any way how you feel without being judged, told of or confronted in anyway. They will and can just sit and listen while you reel of your problems dilemmas etc. Now they may never be able to give you the answers you need or want to hear, but like anything you are going to fel better as you have shared it with someone and you are not carrying the burden of the problem alone.

Half of the time the burden itself is carrying the problem around with you and not feeling like you can tell anyone who may be able to help.

I always feel sad for people who do not eel like they haveanyone they can talk to about things as they are scared or afraid fof what people will think.

everyone has problems of some sort, relationship, financial, family issues and we all have someone we can talk generally that will help us through them, and if you dont maybe you need to find someone and let it off your chest. Maybe someone who is an outsider that you can trust and be in a complete safe environment with, because I believe we all need therapy in some way, maybe not even in the form of a therapist but something that can relieve our problems for a while and our stress, maybe for you it is horse riding, walking, running reading thrillers, whatever it is , make sure you find the time to do it and take time out for yourself.

Me time is the most important time, and i for one donot appreciate it enough, but feel like now is my time that I need to.

Nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day xxx

Do with it what you will........................

2010-07-22T15:11:00.001-07:00

When we are thrown into a situation that is out of our control, what do we do? what can we do? The answer is often... not much, you just have to deal with it. We can prepare for it, plan for it make sure that if it does happen we know exactly what we will do, but when it actually happens whether we knew it was going to happen or not, we can never really know what we will do, and everything that we may have thought we would do may not happen and every eventuality that we thought we had covered, you can be sure another will pop up that we didnt expect.

These type of situations run true with so many different situations in life and how we deal with them will shape us for the rest of our life, and may help us should we ever be faced with this situation again. But even if we are faced with it again, whether it be a good thing or bad, will we do the same thing again?

Most of us every day will sit and deliberate for hours about what if? what if i hadnt have passed the football to my other team mate and gone and aimed straight for the goal , he wouldnt have missed it and it go to the other player who passed it to his team mate who did score, what if I hadn't have taken that short cut and skipped the red light because I was in a rush and smashed into the car, then I wouldnt be claiming on my insurance , getting the bus to work, paying over the odds for my next insurance, what if I hadn't have gone on the girls holiday I wouldn't have met the man I was going to marry untill he broke my heart? You could go on all day and night, but the truth of the matter is you never know what paths life is going to take you on and what may happen.

We all like to have an idea of what could and will happen and how we will deal with any situation should it arise, but we all know that untill you are in a certain position you never know how you will act, behave or deal with it.

Life take twists and turns every day, every move we make determines the next, no one can predict the future but your daily actions can mean you can end up on a certain path.

Whatever your path and whatever your plan, know that the reason you are here where you are is because you have shaped your time now, how you to chose to deal with it is your choice, but make it positive not negative and make it work for you, because you are continuing to carve your future with every step you take.

Knowledge is power and we create our own luck. So if you can make the best of your situation whatever it be continue to do so and constantly learn from what you do, for it will carry you furthur quicker or slower and in the wrong way. It is your choice the future is generally in your hands.

Nite nite and remember... tommorrow is a new day............. do with it what you will. xxx

World cup shock or not? On to the next one.....

2010-06-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

So we are out of the world cup. Why is everyone always so disappointed? Im not even going to begin to tell you what should or shouldnt have happened on or off the pitch but its just a shame... but its happened before and probably will happen again.

The nation goes into depression again for a week and moans at the players the managers etc etc etc , whats the point, we didnt win , move on.

The end .

So to finish the almost beautiful weekend, Stevie wonder at Glastonbury... wow!!!!!!!! he is so amazing, h ow does his voice still sound so incredible ?and how good are I tunes? first page up, lists all artists from Glastonbury to buy, because they know most people will be buying artists music after watching and hearing them live. Very good !!!

So as I watch Stevie on tv I am downloading his album and thinking to myself how amazing it is that artists such as him still have such a huge impact on people and how important music is in our lives and how some songs can instantly lift you. I love that feeling that it gives you, there really is nothing like it.

Anyway..... its late I am in bed and going to enjoy the rest of Stevie!

My favourite is now on " I just called to say I love you "

Good night, sleep well and remember tomorrow is a new day !!

x x

Royal ? you mean royally ? ha ha ha

2010-06-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

Its that time of the year, Royal Ascot Cartier and other such events take place in Surrey. The local pubs bars etc put on champagne breakfasts and brunches and everyone goes crazy to find the perfect race day outfit for the event.

I would say in general 20% of the women look incredible, the others? eeeek... I know I sound harsh but really? do Coast do group discount? is that why everyones dress is from there? or has everyone just pulled out their worst wedding outfit and thought "ah , perfect " , there seriously needs to be fashion police at Ascot next year, at least the other 80% of the women would be arrested and the place would be far more pleasant on the eye.

Maybe im just bitter that I havent been? Mmmmm NO, im not bitter, as I have been invited many times, I have just not found the perfect outfit yet, so when I do....I will go and do my best to make sure I am in the 20 per cent section.

The problem is not just the outfits at these events its the way women ( I say women as they generally are the ones where you notice the most difference from the start to end of day) they tend to be the ones staggering along the road, shoes off, dresses all over the place, maybe I am being really harsh? but why even bother spending any money on a nice outfit when ur gonna spoil how u look by getting absolutely wasted by drinking yourself into obliteration. Your looks suddenly go from amazing to very very unattractive. so what do you do to remain looking amazing throughout. Drink in moderation, don't shop in Coast, or any other high street store if you want to stand out from the rest. Simple.

Good night, sleep well, and remember tommorrow is a new day !!

xxxxx

'excuse me.....whats your name ?'

2010-05-11T13:22:00.000-07:00

Such a basic question? Maybe one of the first questions that we ask anyone when we meet them, why? because it is polite to know who you are talking to if you are looking to get to know someone.

These are the first basic steps.

But what when you know someone wants something, do you start freely giving out your information. What when we are being chatted up?

Now this is a sticky topic for some................ do you or don't you ?

Now I am a girl, of course ......so the advantage of being a girl ( and there aren't many) is that we don't need to chat up men, they do it themselves quite well, or not so well as the case often is.

I mean, if we really like someone, we will often pluck up the courage and find a way of getting in touch with them somehow, with all the networking sites we have available it is so easy to find someone and start a conversation going, but actually approaching someone in a club, bar etc this is a totally different ball game. One that most girls won't do. Why? For fear of rejection.

Now for men, this is often the case too, unless we have had some dutch courage we both find it hard to know what to say to someone, will they acknowledge us, answer our questions? give us any time at all? tell us where to go? what could happen? well if we do not know then we may never find out. Is this person the one we may end up spending our lives with, because ultimately we are all searching for a life long friend/partner, aren't we? Well we are if we are chatting them up? Actually no we are not all searching for that, some of us may just want a companion for a much shorter time, i.e a night ( ha ha ), so our intentions and approach may be altogether different. Although we may not know that at this stage, we could end up being friends for hours days weeks, months or years, we don't know at this point.

This is why it is important ............................. first impressions do last.... but sometimes they can be rectified, depending on how you follow up on them.

So I have been chatted up a few times in my life like most of us girls, and I know it can be hard for a man , as hard as it is for a girl, like I said no one likes rejection, and no one generally wants to hurt another persons feelings so we have to tread carefully.

So when we do approach someone we have to make sure we need to be prepared for a few things:

a) we can handle the rejection politely

b)we can handle the rejection politely

c)we can handle the rejection politely

I actually can't think of any tips as there are no real do's and don't as all circumstances are different and all people act differently, so as long as you believe what you are doing is right and to the best of your capablity then go for it. What is the worst that can happen, they will say NO. As long as you can handle that politely and deal with it in a polite manner then you have lost nothing, a bruised ego for all of 5 seconds. move on to the next. And if you really feel like the battle is not lost, re think your tactics and try another approach. If someone is worth it to you then don't give up after just one attempt, as people's views, situations and ideas about what they do and don't like or want change all the time so what may not have been right for them at the point you approached them at first, may have changed the next time you do.

The worst thing about being chatted up when you are not ready is the way that someone lets you down. This can always be done in a classy way.

Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up.

Nite nite and remember .... tommorrow is a new day.

xxx

a: they dont

Prevention is better than cure,

2010-03-31T13:46:00.000-07:00

This is a very old saying, one which is always true in every circumstance. But this is not to say that you can prevent everything in life. Because we all know you can't.

When we use the word prevention it is normally associated with a negative ending, something that we wish we had not happened or we had not gone ahead with or done. Obviously issues such as poor health cannot always be prevented no matter how well we look after our bodies we may inherit a illness. No matter how carefully we drive someone else may not drive as well, so will cause an accident etc etc. However hard we may try to prevent some situations other peoples wreckless behaviour can affect us.

Now there are probably one hundred circumstances, like in most of our lives that I may have been able to prevent from happening, but my motto in life, everything happens for a reason....... and if that one instance didn't happen? would that of led us down a different path? Probably, but would we have learnt what we did and be where we are now? And is where we are better or worse? That's for us always to debate.

The reason I write this title today? My car. Is beyond repair. Ok well not beyond repair but has got to the point where it cant be fixed without huge expense.

Now like all cars in order to run effectively they need oil. Mine was minus 4 litres. I didn't even realise it had no oil. Now i hear you say to yourselves, what about the oil light? Well it came on but only for a few days ( well I am sure thats all I remember it being?) but apparently the oil light that came on was not a warning light, but a light that means 'NOW YOUR CAR IS GOING TO DIE WITHOUT OIL' light !! OhHHhhhh that light !!!! I mean, really, where was the digital message across my dash to say 'if you don't put oil in now you will need a new engine'. Yes a new engine is exactly what I need .

So what could I have done ? checked my oil levels regularly, then this would not have happened.

Simple, so like most things that are simple, why do we not just do the things needed to avoid the situations we end up in.

Again, simple. We are either too lazy, careless or rushing through our life at such a fast pace and not thinking through the consequences of our actions enough. All of the things that we evidently do not do are negative and therefore have a negative effect in the long run.

So if we really want to prevent something happen, what do we do?

Take more care, think about other people as well as ourselves, and look after our health as much as possible, for that really is the most important factor as without a healthy outlook we cannot function properly so everything else we do will be affected.

So ...........................morale of the story?

If it can be prevented, and of course if you really want to prevent it... then do..... as there is not always a cure.

Nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day.

xxxxx

The soundtrack to my life

2010-03-28T11:42:00.000-07:00

So.........I am sat here, the room is lit by one candle and I am relaxed, no one is in, so I lay here and play a cd, David Gray White ladder is what is in the cd player. Im not sure why I have chosen this CD and not changed it for the others that are in the player, but that is what feels right tonight.

It is amazing how quickly music can take you somewhere...............................somewhere in your thoughts, backwards or forwards. Often its back, to a moment in your life where the music was playing in the background when a particular event happened or was going on, be it a sad or happy occasion.

Music is possibly the most powerful source of entertainment there is. It is the one most simple thing that can instantly change your mood. We listen to music to either take us away to somewhere else in our heads or to relive a moment that makes us feel good, we use music to express ourselves in so many ways, to dance to sing to act, music is heard in every aspect of our lives from watching tv to listening to the radio.

All of our lives have a soundtrack that reflects our lives.

Mine is so ecleptic. I am sat here now listening to this album which by the way is soooooo good. I forgot just how good it is, i know exactly what stage of my life I was at when I hear David Gray. I was working in a clothes shop in Kingston and this was when he was big, those were some of the best days of my life, so this is where he takes me too.

On the way here I was listening to Whitney Houston who has remained a firm favourite of mine for as long as I can remember, I absolutely adore her, more her old stuff than new. Then this morning I was listening to some house music to wake me up and make me lively !!

We all more than likely have lots of different tastes in music, all of which will take us to different places for different reasons, encouragement, celebration, joy and sadness.

The greatest thing about music, we decide what we want to listen to and why. No one can take away from you the feeling you get, and no one can give you the feeling you get from it.

My favourite place to be is in my car, on my own , with music singing to my hearts content.

If you could play your life in music in 1 album what would your soundtrack be?

Heres a snippet of what mine might sound like: Don't laugh.........

Extreme- more than words

REM-losing my religion

The kinks- lazy sunday afternoon

Missy elliott- beep me 911

Toni Tone Tone-lets get down

Mary J Blige - all night long

Nirvana-smells like teen spirit

Destinys Child - get on the bus

Heartless crew

Aaliyah- back and forth

TLC- waterfalls

Shapeshifters-lolas theme

702-where my girls at

Celine Dion- because you loved me

Fabulous-street dreams

Nas-the flyest

UB40-red red wine

Elaine Paige-Midnight

And of course David Gray.

If you can , do what I am, lie in a room no lights and just be..... listen to the music that makes you feel good, for whatever reason. There is nothing like it.

nite nite and remember tommorrow is a new day x x

p.s...........

2010-03-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

I did an aqua class yesterday and today went running, boxing tommorrow.

My training regime has began.

Hallle watch out! ha ha ha

Will you ? Won't you?

2010-03-21T14:12:00.000-07:00

So....................... I like most of the women in this world want to lose a few pounds. Now if you know me you know I am not the largest girl by any means, however I am not toned like I would like to be, and also if you know me very well you will know that possibly every monday I say I am going to cut out something. Be it drinking fizzy drinks, chocolate, crisps and every week I give up nothing, well not for more than half a day.

Why is that? Why am I so pathetically weak willed.

I have the will power of zero. I can't give up the things that I really enjoy which I know are so bad for me. Well I can, I just am not dedicated enough to the cause.

What will it take for me to really stick to what I say. What gives us the motivation and will power to stick to what we we want to achieve and why are somethings hard to give up and other things easy. If you are weak willed with food, does that make you weak willed in general, doies this filter through to other aspects in your life?

Why is everything that you really enjoy so hard to give up? and what does it actually take to stick to what you say?

Now I have even resorted to putting a picture of Halle Berry on my phone in her bikini as motivation that if I continue eating healthily and exercise I could possibly look like her!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha in my dreams.............................................................but what is actually stopping me?

I am stopping me. Nobody and nothing else but my own will power.

I have not stuck to anything in the way of diets since I went to Antony Robbins nearly 3/4 years ago, when I gave up practically everything but vegetables and water for 10 days.

I need to get back in to that mind frame and focus to get the results that I want, and if I don't then I cant sit and moan when I am sat on the beach in Dubai feeling sorry for myself that I am not confidently walking around in my bikini when I should be, but am instead shying away in a swim suit!!

Mmmm as I type those words I feel motivated that as of tommorrow I will definitly start running , swimming etc and stick to it,ill grab my friend and we shall begin our exercise regime.

I have four weeks to get in shape, so will I do it?? mmmmmm..... ill keep you posted, watch this space..............................................Im going to include my food diary in my blog, maybe that will keep me in check... well??????? Anything has to help.

Maybe if someone offers me a new pair of shoes at the end of the month ill get there? Any offers?

Will I? Won't I? Place your bets now.

nite nite and remember, tommorrow is a new day xxx

Computer love ....................................

2010-02-27T07:34:00.001-08:00

How many people do you know belong to internet dating sites? I bet a few.

A good few of my friends have either been, browsed, joined and have also dated men they have met through internet sites, be it dating sites, facebook or chat rooms and a a few of them still are using it as a method of meeting men.

How and when did this all begin? When did we revert to trauling the internet for somebody to love, or to love us?

Why has it come to this for so many millions of us? Is this the modern world we live in, do we literally no longer have to leave the house for anything anymore if we don't want to?

Now I know how hard it is to find somebody for some people, we all know how hard it is to find somebody. But it never use to be that hard did it?

Look at our parents, most of them dated one or two people and ended up marrying them and spending their whole lives together and are still together now, well my parents are. They met at 21 and only ever knew of each other as serious relationship and within weeks were married and are still together and in love as they ever were.

We live in a different generation now, and that is all it comes down too, well that is what I believe.

Before, our parents would only have one local youth club or church hall and if you were lucky enough you would be allowed to go to out on one night of the week for a few hours to socialise with the other teenagers in your neighborhood. You wouldn't have the amount of friends that you did, as you wouldn't travel to other towns, it would be too expensive. You didn't have mobiles,computers and the internet to arrange to meet friends or make new friends, if you were lucky you would have a home telephone. Your potential husband or wife would often or not be people you grew up with in your road that were in your local area that went to your school.

The elder generation certainly did not have the option of creating a profile of a man/woman that we would like and hitting search and viewing them by clicking through pages of pictures, dismissing those who don't have the right hair, teeth, smile, height, waist size. How awful is it that we literally are searching on looks alone, because we are, we aren't searching initially on a nice personality, because we do not even get to that bit if we do not like the look of someone. We skip to the next profile. This is how shallow we have become. But it is the same as going out in bars we are looking for someone we are attracted to initially, but at least if someone not great looking starts chatting to you, they will get more opportunity to chat to you then they would on line as they can charm you, which you won't feel over the internet.

The choices you had then and the options available were minimal, people nowadays have so many ways in which to meet people than they did before.

The main thing I believe however is that we no longer have to settle for anything, we as individuals have so many opportunities available to us, places to go people to meet, countries to live in, we can literally do whatever we want, within reason of course.

The elder generation didn't have the options we did now, so we are taught to embrace it and make the most of our lives, not to settle for second best , not to marry too young, have children to young, to go explore the world, travel, meet new people, try new things, new foods, jobs untill we are happy in ourselves that we have done what we want to do and are ready to settle down with someone that we believe can make us happy, and if they can't then someone else undoubtedly is around the corner that will. We shouldn't depend on anyone but us. We should not rely on our partner.

Now obviously we can't keep marrying re-marrying every 5 mins, we all have to work at relationships, just some things are harder than others and not every relationship is worth the hard work, although many are, we just have to decide which ones are worth fighting for and which aren't.

We have to ultimately do what makes us and them truly happy, life is not a one way way street. We all walk in different directions, some of us bump into each other and end up walking together, and often or not stay that way.

We are more mobile than we were generations ago, we have money to travel to meet friends, we have more freedom from our parents, more bars clubs and places to socialise freely and most importantly we are taught that we no longer have to settle if we are not happy.

However you find that certain someone does not matter, be it the supermarket or the internet, the same rules apply, nothing but real time in someone's company can show you how compatible you are together.

We seem to have lost the simplicity of the journey of love somewhere along the way, so if you want to get it back you need to leave your house first.

Nite, nite and remember tomorrow is a new day

xxxxx

Fancy your local tonight?

2010-02-26T16:24:00.000-08:00

Many of us will choose to socialise locally, as generally it is the area we grew up in or the closest place to our home.

Now don't get me wrong, it is very good for lots of reasons.it's quick and easy which means cheaper and hey in this current climate we could all do with a little extra cash!! but because it is more convenient does that mean we should settle?? because just like anything quick and easy it is only ever a short fix which means like most things we will be bored and looking for the next best thing very soon, but you will find the majority of us will opt to stay local because they have allowed themselves to become content with their surroundings even though they know it is boring.

But like anything we turn are hand too, we want to succeed, and get the best from, don't we want to do this with our social environment? Change is good, think of the experience, places,faces, different restuarants,bars,clubs that we are missing out on by just sticking to one place, that well known dreaded local environment, the local can only be good for so long, think back to when it was that your local area last bowled you over???. If your like me then the answer is : 'not since you were a youngster, who has just turned old enough to get served alcohol, only then is it the best place around, until your head gets turned and you venture out one weekend and start to see what your missing out on, even if it is a better restaurant or shopping centre, the fact is its new its fresh and you like it, so just think what else is out there, think about what you could see or who you could meet just by simply venturing out, I mean there is only so much you can take of the same faces and places before becoming bored, even if it is cheaper and easier and more comfortable that should never be enough to hold you back, don't let things stand in the way, because there will be nothing worse than sitting there saying I wish......no one wants to be a coulda woulda shoulda kind of person.

So remember, like in other aspects of your life, continue to strive for the better things and make sure your social life is one of them, because that is where you could find your happiness and contentment, and if you succeed you will find it reflects positively towards your home life your career and your everyday life, all because you decide to break away from that rut of your boring local!!!

Remember theres a big wide world out there explore it!!!!!!

Nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day xxx

xxxxx

Can you keep a secret?

2010-02-24T10:18:00.000-08:00

What is the best kept secret you know? Will you take it to the grave with you? If so why?

Because you have made a promise, a promise that means you will never tell a sole about what you have done or what you know.

What has made you so trustworthy that your friend or partner has told you this piece of information,that they know you will not ever tell anyone else.

Why do the words 'secret' and 'promise' have such a strong meaning.

Is it because it is belief , you put all you belief and faith in that person and hope that they wont let you down,keeping a secrect and a promise has such meaning to us because it takes a lot to let it out and you put so much faith in that one person that if they did let you down it would hurt you for many reasons because this secret is a secret for a reason,in many cases your secret wont stay a secret as some people just cant help but tell somneone else, because they think that its ok to tell another best friend (come on 99% of us are guilty of that) And then that best friend tells there best friend or someone they confide in and so on....

I bet there are more than a few of you out there, like me, who everyone seems to confide in,someone that people just tell everything too as there sure you wont say anything because you are just not that way inclined and have never let them down before,this can seem to become a bit of a chore but again if your like me you will be that good friend and listen and soak it all up and not say a word to anyone as you never know when your going to need that persons support and trust somewhere along the way for whatever reason. There is a famous saying 'treat others as you wish to be treated' and its so true,how would you feel if someone let you down after you have confided in them?

They say the people who gossip to you will gossip about you!! again something I believe in but Is this just the case with idle gossip?or is it with everything you tell them?choose carefully who you tell this important secret whatever it is , I personally think some things are better left unsaid and kept as your own secret, loose lips sinks ships, and that is why I try my very hardest and almost always keep my lips sealed,but not all of us have the will power to do so as we feel this urge to tell someone because we just cant keep it locked away as it just eats at away at us. If we do feel the need to tell someone we must always remember to choose this person wisely as we may regret ever passing this information on at all and will only have ourselves to blame which will make it that bit worse, as we all know we like to shift the blame onto someone else, again something were all guilty of..Ha!

So remember if someone has decided that you are this chosen trust worthy person out of all your circle of friends to confide in, try and respect that fact, repay them by keeping those lips sealed, as it has probably been a very hard decision for them to make, so the least you can do is keep that secret a secret!!!

Love is like wrapping a present

2010-02-23T12:56:00.000-08:00

When you break up with someone, why is it always so hard?

Why 99% of the time does it never end nicely? Why can't we still be friends?

I have watched and experienced all sides of a break up like most of us have. I have witnessed the total devastation of a relationship, the betrayal pain and hurt that it can cause.

When we decide to end a relationship it generally is never a spur of the moment decision. It is something that stems from hours of debates with the girls/guys, hundreds of text messages, arguments rows and debates as to why the relationship is not working. And almost always, you have tried to resolve the situation time and time and time again before you are really ready to hang up the gloves and admit defeat.

Defeat is something we never want to admit but sometimes when we have exhausted all our options and tried every possible way to make it work then we need to stop and think where this is actually getting us. Are we fighting a losing battle? Often or not we are.

So what when we do end it , and the other person doesn't like that, they will fight for you, beg you, bombard you with messages , be nasty be spiteful, when we are hurt and not getting own way there are many things we will do to gain that persons attention. This can be displayed in nice ways or nasty ways, when someone is backed into a corner then there is not much that they wont do or try to do to get noticed.

So who is the stronger person? the one that leaves quietly, changes their number, never calls back or even takes the call in the first place, stays out your way, avoids the areas you go to and even stops talking to your then mutual friends.

Are you the better person for taking yourself away from anything that connects you still, or are you the weaker person for running away and not confronting all these things?

Out of sight out of mind............... that is a true saying. When you don't see somebody you don't have to face the reality, you do not have to deal with what is in front of you, this can relate to not only relationships but bills and jobs that you keep putting off, if you shove the letters at the back of the drawer and forget them you think they will magically disappear until the drawer wont open as its so full you eventually have to deal with it.

It is another hard situation we have to face, we all tell our friends that you are the better person for not rising to the comments that someone may make to be-little you or that will be spread about you amongst their friends or on social networking sites, there are so many ways that people can try and spark a reaction.

The best thing I believe you can do if you are serious about leaving somebody, and I stress, this is only how my cold heart works, is too take yourself out of the situation, avoid all contact if you can, do not put yourself in situations where you may hear about them or be told about them, take them off your face book, your friends face book, tell your friends not to tell you about them if they hear gossip etc... If they are your true friends they will respect this and do as you say. The more time spent away from them the easier it will become to not be hurt by even the mention of their name, the sound of their voice or the image of their face.

Love hurts, but it also heals. Everyone deals with break ups in different ways, what is right for one person may not be for another. Just know that whatever your decision, be it right for the moment or for the long term, as long as your happy with it, then go for it. Your happiness is the most important thing in the world and no matter what a life spent in misery is a life wasted.

Love is like wrapping a present and the end result the bow, there are a lot of stages before we finally tie it.

Nite nite, and remember tomorrow is a new day x x x

Should we change ?

2010-02-22T11:10:00.001-08:00

Following my last blog about being shallow led me to thinking about the things we would change about the person in our life if we could, and actually if we should want to change them.

Now I say the man/woman in our life as we don't normally want to change our friends ( well maybe sometimes ) but those friends that are not right for us soon fade out, but generally we love our friends for how they are. Now why is that? Because we will put up with them most of the time because we do not generally have to live with them and spend a lot of our personal space with them. This means a lot of their habits and ways won't grate on us like they would a partner.

Now it is hard.............. We all remember the reason we were attracted to someone in a bar or club or at work don't we? Are they still the things that we love about our partner? Or have they changed? Do we like the fact they are still confident outgoing, life and soul of the party, wear short tight dresses and killer heels, or are always out at the best bars and clubs every weekend.

Why when we generally start dating someone do the things that attract us fade and soon become the things we do not like and want to change.

Suddenly your boyfriend does not like you wearing a short tight dress anymore because they don't like us showing our bodies off anymore, whereas before they loved looking at us like that, but now they have claims on us they do not want anyone else to see. Now I sort of get this... ok you were single before and looking for attention so you wore a shorter dress? or maybe you always wear a short dress so this is your look, why would you stop now and wear leggings and a roll neck jumper. What is the problem now?

I get confused. A lot of us meet a guy or a girl and love most things about them, but as we get to know them more we learn more about them, we realise there are things that we wish we could change.

Maybe we wish they would dress in a different way, give up certain habits, go out less, change their friends, eat at the restaurants we like, listen to the music we like. We want to have a as much as common in possible or we generally feel we are going in different directions. Now i know some people do need guidance in lots of fields and that the end result of this guidance can be hugely beneficial for both, but not in all cases. Look at Hannah Waterman and Ricky Groves, he loved her for what she was, now she has changed, she feels their relationship won't be the same.

I believe that sometimes we shouldn't try and change anyone or make them into anything we think they should be. If we meet someone and we get on then we should leave the relationship to be as natural as it was from the beginning. What we did at the start we should try and continue to the end. I know circumstances can change financial, physical or emotional, but most things we should never want to change about a person. If we have to go to great lengths to change them so much that they morph into the person we really want, then we should have tried to find that person in the beginning.

If somebody does not go tot the gym, why should they start because you do. If they want to eat at fine restaurants and they do not see the buzz that eating amazing food brings, then go with someone who does.

We don't all have to have the same likes or dislikes, sometimes in fact its good if we don't, we have more to talk about more to share.

Most of us have someone that does share all the same likes and dislikes with us. They are normally our best friend, the person we do have lots of similar interests with us, the person we can share anything without any judgement, bias or view.

If you are trying to change somebody into the person you know deep down they can never be, and you are struggling with yourself every day that they can never be that person, then maybe this person isn't the one for you.

Love someone for their flaws, love someone for the way they make you laugh, for the way they are when you are alone, not for the way they dress, their sense in style, for their tastes do not always have to match yours, if you try to mould them into someone they are not,you will have a short lived relationship, for no one can keep up pretense forever. We will slowly fall back into our natural ways.

As long as you have the same morals and principals and want the best for each other and have respect and admiration for what each of you do then you got a good chance that the quality values you share will take you far together.

If someone cannot love you for you, then they cannot love you.

Night nite, and remember tomorrow is a new day.

xxx

Are you Shallow Hal?

2010-02-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

So..................... my friend and I were discussing issues about men, past and present and what makes us happy and what doesn't.

She was saying that she had been on a first date with somebody, he had made her laugh the whole date but she left feeling like she was not attracted to him at all. Now all her past boyfriends were good looking and she did not feel he compared. I straight away said if he made you laugh and you got on well, why not see him again, but she felt that she couldnt. Now I don't know why she doesnt want to get to know him more, he sounds like a nice guy, they had a great night but because he didnt match her ideal man, she probably will not arrange a second date. I know that sometimes a first date can be awful and there are some things that can never be worked on, things that that we notice straight away that we know ourselves will never be something we can cope with, but sometimes if the general day or evening was ok then we should give it another go, no??

Like all girls , we have the same conversation every minute, hour day and could discuss the same topic our whole lives. Nothing will ever change.

Ultimately there are a few main things that we look for when trying to find a new man, but the main thing is attraction.

There has to be something that attracts us to someone, now this can be their looks their status or their personality.

All of us focus on different things. But we generally go for looks first don't we? Well surely we have to find them attractive as we will be spending a lot of time with them.

BUT WHAT ATTRACTS US TO SOMEONE IN THE BEGINNING TENDS NOT BE WHAT ATTRACTS US IN THE END.

I believe that attraction grows from something that is not seen on the outside.

We all know you can get the most beautiful girl or most handsome man and they can be gormless. Not have a clue about anything, not be able to hold a decent conversation, not have any ambition etc etc etc So just being able to look at them all day is not going to cut it for the long haul.

Why is it that we can judge someone on every tiny thing that they do or don't do, whether they always want to split the bill, buy the wrong birthday card, choose the wrong restaurant, hotel or gift for valentines and birthdays. If they have bought us carnations instead of long stemmed roses or not lit up the room with candles.

Now don't get me wrong, I like the next girl love to be showered with gifts and affection, who doesnt, who doesn't enjoy being taken out for dinner and drinks ,staying in nice places going to nice restaurants. But what when there is just the two of you with nothing. What makes you still want that person.

We would be lying if we said that material things are never important to us. Of course they are at some level, but how do we balance what really is important and what is not. How do we choose our partner in the end?

What makes us want to stay with someone? what if they do not have the money to look after you like you want. Are you going to stick around and wait for them while they struggle to get to the place where they want to be. Or will you just vanish and find the next best person to fill their place and carry on untill eventually you find the man who you believe can give you the life you deserve.

If you are one of those people that is never happy and puts yourself on a pedestal and believe that the world owes you everything and that you should be treated like a princess or a prince at all times, then you are very unlikely to find real and long lasting love, because real life isn't a fairytale.

Real love does not come in the form of Brad pitt or Megan Fox, nor does it come in the form of a Hermes handbag or a meal at Nobu.

True and meaningful love is the endless hours of support when someone is ill in hospital, eating beans on toast for dinner when you can't afford anything else, saving up to buy a gift you know that they couldnt and shouldn't have really bought you, travelling every day for hours just to spend a few moments with someone.

When meeting someone for the first time we generally make our first impressions quickly. As they say first impressions last. But in some cases I think we need to give people more of a chance, not everyone you meet will be amazing at first, they may not be prince charming, they may not be filthy rich and drive a ferrari, own their own home or even take you out every Friday, but how do you know that what they do have are qualities that can't be found in anyone else.

You may never know if you only scratch the surface, nothing is bettter than real time spent with another person, only then will you see if they are a shallow hal or not.

xx night night and remember tommorrow is a new day x x x

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

2010-02-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

I have been backwards and forward to the hairdressers three times today !!! Not for me of course, for I only go if I remember twice a year!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am probably the most low maintenance girl out of all my friends. Now don't get me wrong I am high maintenance in other ways but when it comes to my hair and beauty regimes I am at the bottom.

Now last night was the first time in ages that I slept with a new face mask that I had been given on. That is a rareity for me to actually remember to do that. It is beautiful too.... called NUDE from Space NK.

My best friend owns a beauty salon so I have accessible to me the most luxurious facials massages, manicures and pedicures at my disposal. But luckily for her and her shops finances I do not utilise them like I could. ( www.purespa-windsor.co.uk if you want to indulge)

I very rarely take time out for myself to have my 6 weekly facial, manicure or pedicure or hair coloured or even cut.

I am lucky that my skin is not so bad that if I didn't do anything you would notice, and my hair has always had the out of bed tousled look ( generally because I am just out of bed and haven't brushed it) If that is a tousled look I have perfected it.

I wish more than anything I could afford to have a blow dry every few days, because yes, it does make a huge difference.

When you do have regular manicures, pedicures, facials and blow drys you do become a different person.

Having your teeth done is always a sure sign that you are of that ilk. A very expensive investment, but a worthwhile one all the more. It can completely change your look. Go to google images and view your favourite celebrity before and after they have had the 5* treatment, especially a new set of veneers the difference is unbelievable.

When you become this polished well kept person that is what you become known for, for never having a hair out of place, nails chipped or less than beautiful skin. You look more groomed and it shows. But you have to maintain this.

These things all come at a huge price, Cheryl Cole is reported to spend 200k a year, a year on making sure she looks as good as she does. And if you were to see her post polished looks compared to her early days of girls aloud, low budget videos and stylists etc you can of course see the difference.

If we all had her disposable income, team of around the clock stylists we would all look as beautiful as she always does.

If I had the money I would spend it in a heartbeat, but I don't, well not YET.

But how much is too much? At what point do we become obssessive? Where we cannot go with out a blow dry, 6 weekly colour top up or even leave the house without a full face of make up.

Men always say they prefer girls that are more natural, no fake boobs false nails etc etc, but actually this can all be done in a very classy way, although most girls who do go down the fake boobs, hair, botox, fillers, collagen road do all tend to look a certain way.

They are not the supermodel beauties that we would all like to be naturally, so they will spend thousands on becoming what they believe to be the perfect image of what you should be.

But what is the look we are all trying to achieve? Everybody is different. We all know that, what is essential maintenance to one person is at the bottom of the list to another so that is why the world works,for if we all looked like carbon copies of one another we would all look very boring. Life would be very dull and un-interesting, magazine companies would go bust as would clothing companies, if we were all the same shape size and look.

What makes us all unique is the levels that we do or do not go to.

For every man and woman is attracted to each other for different reasons. What makes one person happy will not make another person.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Being beautiful on the outside can only last as long as your blow dry. It is what makes you beautiful inside that is important.

xxxx

There's nothing like a good play......................

2010-02-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

Everytime I go to a theatre production I wish that I went more.

If you have never been to a theatre production of any sort then you must.

It is such a lovely experience, the feel of the theatre, the atmosphere of the audience.

It is the appreciation of how hard it is to perform in front of so many people and to a live audience. There are no room for errors as they will nearly always be noticed.

You have to learn and re-learn your lines and practise, practise, practise, your facial expressions, movements and tones. For everything is picked up upon. There is no camera crew to pause you and re take any shots for you, hair and make up are not running on stage to ensure your hair is still perfect or microphone has not fallen from under your hairpiece to the middle of your head!! and if you get it wrong the scene cannot be re-taken.

So I have the utmost respect for anyone that performs on stage. The spotlight is constantly on you to convince the viewers of your performance for they can not only see it up close they can feel it, and that real atmosphere cannot be replaced by that from a surround sound system.

xxx

Suicide............a tragic end.

2010-02-11T14:11:00.000-08:00

The fashion world is in mourning today as news broke that Alexander Mcqueen ( real name Lee Mcqueen)the 40 year old great British fashion designer was found hanging at his home in London. He had committed suicide.

This is of course is a tragic end to a huge talent and so so sad that he felt that this was his only way out.

Suicide I have always thought is selfish. Now I feel awful that I even make that statement, I really do, but what about all the people you leave behind, the people who loved and adored you who were your family that may never recover fully now because of the loss of you in their life.

Now in his case, I do not begin to presume anything about his personal life, all I know was that tragically his mother died weeks prior to his death today. Maybe this was the reason he chose to took his own life because he could not handle the pain of his loss. I have been fortunate enough that I have not lost someone close to me so I could never begin to understand the pain and would never try to. So I am not about to say why he chose to do this.

What I will say is that it makes me sad to think that any one person can feel this much hurt, they were sad enough that they could not get through this battle with the help of friends and family, that they felt so alone that nobody could help them and nothing in their eyes would ever be the same again.

But when you take your own life, what about those you leave behind, what are they left with? They have now lost someone who they thought would be in their lives for as long as nature intended, they looked to you as their very best friend, husband, wife lover, child, parent.

Whatever your closest relationship is with someone, what value do we put on it, most of us would give our lives for those we care about most deeply, but we would never want them to take their own for whatever reason. Nothing should be that bad. We could never imagine that they could be suffering so much that we couldn't help, without letting us know.

If we don't tell anyone our pain, our fears, our sadness, then how can anyone help. what if if we feel no one can help? Maybe Lee Mcqueen felt nobody could take away the loss of his mother, maybe no one could help him, but him.

There are some things that we can try to prevent, some things that we can cure, but there is still a lot of unsolved questions and answers about life that we may never have answers to.

If we had the answers we would very quickly try to solve everything the best we can, we would help who we could when we could.

We came into this world on our own, and ultimately leave this world on our own. But when we did enter it we were surrounded by love and that grew as we did. Love never stops, it is shown in a million ways, everyone has somebody they love more than life itself.

As the saying goes "to the world you are just one person, but to one person you are the world"

Nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day x x x

New clutch !!!!!!

2010-02-10T23:19:00.000-08:00

Perfect for winter into spring to start introducing those bright colours into your wardrobe again, this beautiful clutch I bought yesterday!!

By Marc Jacobs......... I love love love it !! xxxxx

To be honest this picture does not do it justice !!! It is beautiful x x

When did I start to feel old?

2010-02-10T22:38:00.000-08:00

Well .... last week, I said I would take the girls into London and drop them at the club they were meeting their friends at in London.

The club is called China Whites, now I have not been there for years and years, it shut for a while and was then taken over by a hotel group.

I drove them there, or at least I thought I had done but it had moved? So where is it now? (feeling old stage 1, the club has moved ) as we were driving to find the street that we now believed it was on I saw a guy walking down the street that I remember from going out, he was of course with a group of people and they were clearly heading out. I pulled over and got his attention and asked him where this new place was. He is a well known face on the party scenec and has been for as long as I can remember ( feeling old stage 2, he still is going out) he and his mates were of course asking where we were going and if we would like to join them in Movida, another top spot, (feeling old stage 3) I of course declined, I was in my ugg slippers trackies and was purely designated driver, whilst the beatiful girls also declined we said our thank yous and left them to it.

As we got to our location I dropped the girls and waited round the corner, in case they didnt get in, London clubs are so strict and they did not have ID.

5 minutes later.................. they come round the corner, unsuccessful. Awwww, I know how awful it is when your young and all you want to do is go to every club you know, now, you dont want to wait, so if all else fails, try another, but they werent on the guest list anywhere else so now what?

Well, it just so happens that the boys before had invited them onto their table, they had declined as they planned to go elsewhere but now that had backfired, I suggested they try going to where they were.

Now they had an advantage..... they had not been seen by the door team of the club, and the door team were unaware that they had previously seen the guys that went in, one of whom is a very famous boxer.

So the plan is they stroll up to the door and say they are on these guys tables who have just come in and have to meet them, the club wont know they arent as the guys previously walked in so how would they know they were even together, they are both well known guys on the party scene, plus if they say they are not listed, they can call the guys up and they are never going to say 'no these beautiful girls are not with us' as they have just seen them round the corner and invited them out, it is a win win situation. So I patiently waited again while they tried my tactics and SUCCESS !!! yay.................. they were in safe and sound, I could return to my bed with my slippers and a book !!!

I felt old......................... as I drove away i felt old that they were now partying with people who, I use too, and who still hit clubs hard 3 or 4 x a week, dont know how, that they were going to clubs I use to go to, and still can but do not feel like i would enjoy it as much.

The vibe isnt the same when you get older, you know what the men are after that have you on their tables, you know that just because they are on a table doesnt make them amazing or loaded, and if you are on one of their tables or not it doesnt make you special or above anyone else.

But that is for them to learn and find out themselves, and I know they will have as much fun as I did finding out, so what can you do. Advise them about certain characters and hope they wil listen, but sit and listen to their stories, like this morning at 6am when they woke me up coming in as I was getting up. Now I really do feel old.

Have a good day

xxx

Is it all a test??

2010-02-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

Why in life are there always such battles? Why do events often happen where we are pushed to our absolute maximum, when we feel like we could not go any further if we tried, and if we did then we would burst.

We reach a point where we feel that we can do absolutely no more in our power to resolve a situation, change it, make it better.

It is so hard to keep going when we reach this point. We want to be able to fight the battle and win, but what when we clearly are not in the lead, what steps can we take to get back in the running for first place.

It is like all that I ever say, we take a step back, evaluate the situation, problem solve, blog, discuss, brainstorm. How can we overcome this problem? What measure can be taken to ensure this doesn't happen again, is it too late, is this problem now so involved that the solution is so far away that we have not the energy to even fight anymore. Is it a test to see if we pass? Because if it is? I don't like its tactics.

We all reach this point, some of us on a daily basis, where we battle every day with a problem that we just end up being too tired to fight, we give in for an easy life, we all know we can fight to the end but sometimes we just have not got the energy.

I feel for you, I know how hard it is to fight a losing battle, I know that sometimes we all need to quit, but not quit in the final meaning of the word, take a different approach , change your tactics, and above all else, discuss and talk to others about it.

For a problem shared, is a problem halved.

Nite Nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day.

xxx

Everyone has a friend who......................

2010-02-07T15:01:00.000-08:00

In my case....................wants to date every one of my friends.

Now dont't get me wrong he is the loveliest guy you will meet, everyone adores him men and women, he is very funny, kind and his heart is in the right place.

But he is a bit of a ladies man, he will charm the socks of every girls he meets and probably end up dating them for a few weeks and then leave them broken hearted. Well actually not broken hearted as they probably see him coming a mile away, but a huge majority do end up falling for his charms.

Now I can only advise them to stay clear as I have seen his tactics many times, work and fail, generally work, and I can only sit back and watch.

I cannot advise my friends more than I do, and no matter what I say they won't listen as they all are adamanant that they wont fall for his tricks and can easily dismiss him as just fun.

If only it were that simple girls...................................................

He will promise me that he really likes each and every one of them individually which I don't doubt because they are all lovely of course, they are my friends, but I know his game plan only too well.

Because no matter what, you will fall...some harder than others, a few will escape unscathed and others will continue to flock to him like pied piper, in fact that will be my new name for him.

Why is that there is always a male or female friend who wants to date our brother, sister, friend colleague?Why can't they just stay clear.

We all have a friend that is supposedly off limits as you know it will cause your friend and you upset in the long run and you dont want to get involved in the mess when it ends badly, as you know them both well and can get caught in the middle of those 'he said, she said' arguments, which as you have seen in the past or from relationships that occur between friends and other friends can often backfire.

We can only sit back and let them get on with it, tell them they were warned and hope that they can look after themselves, and I suppose if it does go wrong and end in tears, we will still be there to pick up the pieces, as that is what friends are for.

Girls you have been warned............................................................................................................and you, well you know what I think about your antics. Tut tut tut tut

Nite, Nite and remember tommorrow is a new day xxx

How "Precious" is your life?

2010-02-06T14:12:00.000-08:00

So I went to see the film "precious" today. .........................................................(big sad sigh!!).

I am sad, I am sad that this film, that is based on a book, is actually real life to a lot of people all over the world.

It makes you think from the very beginning about how lucky you are to live the life you live. Im presuming most of you do not the life she leads in the film.

Abuse can come in so many forms, physical and mental. Both being as bad as each other and often having a huge detrimental effect on your life in the long run, unless you have the right people around you to save you from it.

So many people do not have anything at all in their lives to look forward to, celebrate, enjoy or even feel they even should live for. They may be ill, broke, homeless with no family, the list can go on.

None of us wallow in what we don't have, or we would be depressed all the time, but we must as I have said before appreciate what we do have, appreciate who is here and who loves us,who does want us to succeed and not fail and who do want to us to be better people and not hurt or destroy us emotionally or physically.

I like you will always do my best to make sure that I never make anyone feel a lesser person than me, degrade them upset them or hurt them intenionally.

The overall assumption of this story that life is "precious" yours, mine everyones. Treat it that way.

nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day xx x

Dorothy Perkins? WTH?

2010-02-06T13:51:00.000-08:00

Now it doesnt look much here but..........

This jacket is me all over, and looks soooo much more expensive on. Now obviously I would like the real Chanel jacket but for the time being this will have to do, it fits perfectly and is chic.

And its only £40.00 from DOROTHY PERKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perfect for throwing over a plain round neck t-shirt and jeans.

Dont put anything fussy underneath it, this jacket is the main part of the outfit so don't draw any attention to anything else.

I love it, you will love it.

I also bought a funky dress from Whistles , denim patchwork, very versatile, that will last and that I can wear from now through to summer. I had on my lace black bodysuit whilst I tried it on and it looked lovely underneath it, it would also work with a tshirt or a vest, or nothing !!

Great days buys today, I am very pleased !!!!

xx

:

Two Step forwards..Two steps back....

2010-02-03T12:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes in life, things dont always happen in the time we expect. The structure of our life can take a turn.

If we find ourselves stuck, for whatever reason, financial or emotional, we often or not have to sit back and re-evaluate our current position and decide where we go from here.

Sometimes the only way forward is to take a few steps back, or maybe even sideways, another route may be needed. Not the one you were originally planning.

You have to sometimes go back to working longer hours, move in with your parents while you save money for a house, flat share, get a second job, downgrade in some way.

Whatever de-tour or side step that you take how do we know that we will not completely detract from where we are going in the first place and end up somewhere else?

I believe if our goals are generally the same , the reason we may detour or take a different path is because it is meant to be. Something deep in our instincts is telling us to do this, that in taking this path it will lead us to something else that we may never have learnt or discovered if we had stayed on the path we had first thought.

What is for us wont pass us, as I have said before.

Wherever we end up, it will be where we meant to be and however we get there will have educated us more than it may have done before.

So when instances like this arise don;t be deterred and disheartened that this is the beginning of the end, just believe that this is the path we are meant to take and on it we are going to discover more than we ever would have believed.

Night night , and remeber tommorrow is a new day

xxx

Denim, Denim , Denim

2010-02-03T12:20:00.000-08:00

Denim Denim Denim!!!!

Any faded ripped fitted denim, is hot at the moment to take you into Spring !!

I have just bought a beautiful tiny fitted jacket from Hollister !!

I love it, most of all it looks perfect over any little dress or t shirt, with jeans or smart trousers !

xxx

Who is there for you?

2010-01-31T12:04:00.000-08:00

When times are hard, who do you turn to? Who is the first person you will call? Does it depend on the situation, whose involved, does it matter whose involved? you are affected so that is the main issue, you have an issue which you need help with, so who can help you, guide you, advise you?

A lot of us would turn to our best friend maybe before a family member, but what if it involves your best friend?

There are so many different experiences, paths and journeys that our lives will lead us down,and in every instance we need someone to talk to about it, someone who will tell us if we are making the right decision, guide us to making that decision and most importantly support us in whatever we do decide, as best as they can.

You normally learn who your family and friends are in dire times. When the going gets tough and you need them around you,your support to keep you going and instill confidence that everything is going to be ok.

Family and friends can often either be the best support structure we have or the worst,everyone has a different team around them that they know will support them, whether it is at work, home or in your social circle.

When the time comes that you need these people, they will either do as they promised and stand by you and support you or they will falter and fall flat and people who you never thought would still be standing by your side will shine.

The support team doesn't always have to agree with your choices but they should be there by your side no matter what. You should never be deserted. For when they need you where will you be? What would you do?

Life takes a lot of unexpected twists, turn trials and tribulations we never know why we end up in certain situations, but when and if you do, make sure your team is loyal and you are loyal to your team.

Anyway nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day !!

Not so Lucky now !!

2010-01-28T13:43:00.000-08:00

So.... the puppy, his favourite hobby is to chase the fox and bark every night at the top of his cross chihua and jack rusself little self!!! He is adorable and tiny but at the same time very annoying and constantly wants to go in and out all day and night !!!

So today I think will be his last time out giving the fox hassle !!!! I think tonight he bit off more than he could chew, for the poor little dog came running in like a speed of light tail between his legs, cowering under the table !!!

I thought as soon as he ran in there was something wrong, on closer inspection afer chasing him round the kitchen with the other bigger dog sniffing him all over I realised he had been attacked!

There were grazes all over his head with parts of his fur missing, and his mouth was cut, Lucky was not so Lucky now.

How many times does it take to realise that you cant repeatedly bully or chase someone before they bite back !!! The poor fox has been hassled for months every night he makes chase at the bottom of the garden, both dogs barking at the top of their lungs, tonight he fought back !! We are lucky that the dog is ok and just got away with minor grazes, he was shocked and hurt but nothing antibiotics won't cure.

We aren't dissimilar to animals, we think we are tougher than we are at times and can take on more than we can chew. Often or not our bark is worse than our bite, we don't really like confrontation, and we don't know how deal with it but go back into our shell for a bit, but like Lucky it doesn't take long to shake ourselves off, get back out there and do it all over again, so how many chances will we get before we really do get hurt and never recover?

My advice don't even tempt it, if you can avoid being hurt in any situation in life, do. And there are so many incidents in which we can do, in friendship, love and general life. Just don't go looking for trouble. No one asks to be hurt in any way it can just happen when we are not expecting it, but if we can try to lessen the blow we should, sometimes the pain you have to deal with afterwards can never really heal.

xxxxxx

How can you not believe?

2010-01-27T12:34:00.000-08:00

So.......... a very good friend of mine has been visiting this lady. She is a medium, astrologer, tarot card reader and life coach !! She can tap into anything that you want her to look into. She will guide you or give you information about an event or something that you maybe looking for answers too, or just for reassurance.

I had to try her out and see for myself.

OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How did she know or presume the things she told me?

She told me the age of my natural mother, which no one knows............... but me, details about relationships past and present that were significant to my life now, their personal family details, how they look act,personal details that she could never have known and lots of business related information that I hope will come true.

I have sat here going through all the things we discussed with my best friends and tried to figure out why she would relate the information she told me, to me. She could not have placed me in the situations that she discussed just by chance. She just can't have , how would she even know what I do as a profession, why would she place me where she did? She did not even know my name before I went.

I am hoping that everything she says does have meaning in some form and that I will put it in the back of my mind and relate to it later on, but now I am thinking about going again.

What am I going there for next? My curiosity has now been increased because she did actually know things that no one could have known so now I want to ask her things that are important to me. I want to find my natural mother one day and maybe my father, the reason for this? I think like people say untill you know where you are from you can't get to where your going !!

I think for me as I know so little the more information she can give me the better, as I know very little, so anything is a plus. It will give me reason to push forward and focus. It may keep me focused whereas before It had been put to the back of my mind.

Whatever I decide to take from this experience, I know that overall I am glad I went. I think from these types of experiences you have to be realistic and take everything lightly and not change your whole life and focus or purpose on things that have been said. You must see it for what it is, take the good and learn from it, use it or don't use it, whatever you have decided to do make it a positive not a negative.

I think we all need to believe in something, everyone has faith in either a religion, a person, object, book, there are so many different things that keep people believing in certain things. If we believe then it gives us hope, that keeps us on some sort of path, whatever or wherever that may lead.

Faith is a strong word and belief is another, they both have similar meanings, they both have purpose. So whatever your faith or belief is, and if you do not have any of them then maybe you need reassurance from someone. Maybe this lady is worth a visit from you.

Nite, nite and remember tommorrow is a new day xxxx

Something to help the heavy weekend !!!

2010-01-25T12:44:00.000-08:00

For all of us who have had a heavy weekend.. and need to hide those bags, my good friend and make up artist Emily gives us some tips on what to do !!!

Have you Looked in the mirror this January and sighed yet? I have! One of the questions I repeatedly get asked at the moment is “what can I do about bags under my eyes?” Concealer is a tough one, some people go too dark and the bags look worse and some girls go for the too light/too bright option giving a ghostly affect under the eyes.
I see so many girls out there masking heavy eye bags with a certain famous gold pen. Little do they know that it is actually a make up highlighter and not a concealer. You doubt me? Well why does it only come in one shade then? Ah ha! Got you there haven’t I! The other two shades (number 2 and number 3) they stock are actually concealers. Anyway.. the outcome? The bags are not hidden and in photos you will look far too white (and strange) under the eyes. Some girls go for that.. but not me! As a make up artist I like a flawless and natural complexion! So here is my pick of the week, and boy is it a good one! Space NK stock Chantecaille Bio lift concealer, which has a clear centered core consisting of a concentrated anti wrinkle hexapeptide (six times the strength) which relaxes lines under the eyes and prevent new ones appearing! It also contains vitamin E to help moisturise as well as conceal, so doing three jobs in one product. Pretty impressive! It comes in several shades so it will be suitable for everyone, and the price tag is around £57. I know that is a bit steep, but this product has far advanced technology and is worth every penny!

Im off to buy mine now !!!!! xxxx

How far would you go?

2010-01-25T11:22:00.001-08:00

How many of you have ever received one of those cards from a delivery company " sorry we tried to deliver but you were not in" when you know that you were in, in fact at 8:45 on a Saturday morning, where would you be but in?, Most people are in their houses at this time on a Saturday morning. It is possibly the most infuriating thing, especially when you are waiting for tickets to arrive for an event on the Sunday. So now what?

Well if you are lucky enough to have me work for you, then there is every chance that this will not matter at all. I mean, it won't matter to you because I will of course assure you that I will get you to your event no matter what it takes.

And that's what I did, but how far did I have to go to get that, without causing you too much added stress and worry. Bare in mind also that I am in another part of the country so cannot physically go and sort it out for you, like I would if I was in the area !!

The hurdles I face this weekend were huge, I had no number for the box offfice at the appollo, there is not a number direct. You go through ticket master whose offices are closed at the weekend. Great !!!

I managed to find the number for the performersmanager to see if we could get walked through to the seats as my client was someone known to him, not closely but enough that It could make a difference.

The management were even unable to help as all their allocated tickets were gone.

I had to get a family member who lives near the appollo to drive there and get the box office manager on the phone directly so I could explain the situation we were in and hope that they would take my word these tickets were paid for. we would have needed to wait for the row to be filled to see which 4 seats would be theirs. As all we knew was the row.

Of course in the end we got there, they got in, were treated unbelievably well by the staff at the appollo and had the best seats that were originally paid for.

Why does it always take so much to get were you want sometimes, and how far do you have to go to get the results you need, when do you decide you have done enough?

For me I often can't sit down or rest untill I know a problem has been solved when in dilemma. There is always a way in the end, all it takes is perserverance, polite begging and resourcefulness.

If you have a problem, you need to get to the root of it, you go straight to the source, the main people behind the event, the situation, who is the top person in charge? If they cannot help you thenyou have done your utmost or have you?

Sometimes when you feel like your letting someone down even though the situation is really out of your control, times like these allow you to prove your worth and go above and beyond to ensure that everyone gets what they want. And like anything when you get what you want in the end, all the hassle before is forgotten.

When you set yourself a challenge and belielve that you can achieve the end result you normally will get there, it may not always happen in the time you want it to or need it, or maybe it will but you can get there. If you have tried every possible angle and avenue you will, and you have tried and tried and tried again, then you will. Things will rarely happen In the course of one swift process, you need to take lots of steps to achieve the bigger goal.

So don't have any doubt, for that will stop you before you even start. If you know you have done all you possibly can then you have done your best. If you havent then do not be disappointed when you are not where you want to be.

xxxx

High heels and Number Plates

2010-01-21T13:25:00.000-08:00

I spent 5k ( I use a k as I cant find the pound symbol on my best friends laptop, she bought it from abroad) on shoes in about 5 minutes, (all in my head )!!

Ridiculous, how could I even imagine spending that so easily? I was in selfridges for less than 15 minutes in total, I skimmed through the shoe department, it happens to be on the floor I always park on, and within minutes I had seen about 10 pairs of shoes that I would have bought then and there If I had a credit card that would never have to be paid off!!!

Now obviously it is ridiculous that you could spend so much per pair on shoes, but again the feeling you get from wearing a beautiful pair of shoes is unmatched, and the comments you get when you wear them make them priceless, they are my most favourite treat ever, always have been and always will be.

So yes, if I had a spare 500 pounds, I would be in the shoe boudoir in Harrods or the 3rd floor of Selfridges buy,buy, buying. But I haven't so I can't, something tells me my tax bill has to be paid first !!! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......x

On leaving selfridges I probably spotted 8 cars with private number plates, this is another waste of money to some people, or Is it?

Number plates hold their value if they are good, and they often increase in price over the years. I think it works that the less numbers and letters the more expensive? Am I right? What do they mean? To me they mean status? That is why men and women have them, It shows you can afford it for one, and that you want people to know either who you are or your status through it. Like expensive shoes.

Number plates can sell for hundreds of thousands of pounds, I mean who would actually pay that sort of money for a number plate? Is it an investment? It is compared to a pair of shoes I suppose, unless your a celebrity and you can auction off your shoes? which most of us cannot, and most of us don't.

With a number plate you only buy one in a lifetime in general, you may have a few within a household , the family may all have similar plates, sequences would also be very expensive. I would imagine?.

If only shoe shopping were that simple, imagine the amount of shoes you could have for one number plate. I know I am often stupid but I love comparing stupid things like that. Try to explain to a guy who has just bought a number plate: so surely you owe me the equivalent in shoes now you spent all that money on that? Now In my head that makes perfect sense!!!

I have often tried to explain to boyfriends in the past , the reasoning behind spending over a thousand pounds on a handbag. "imagine the amount of times I am going to use this bag, It evens out to 5pounds a time, so obviously It is well worth it" and anyway a good handbag is always a investment.

So lets make a decision, you buy a number plate, Ill have the value in shoes.

Now to find the man that's on my wavelength.

Nite Nite and remember tommorrow is a new day !!!

xxx

Back To Basics

2010-01-20T10:42:00.000-08:00

Back problems, most of suffer it from time to time or have experienced it in some form. It can be caused through bad posture the wrong pillow, mattress or not enough water.

We forget how important it is to look after ourselves in general. Very few of us look after our own bodies like we should. Our diets may be poor we don't exercise enough or feed our bodies the right nutrients.

I am the perfect example of this, and today this was eliterated to me in full blow.

I have been in agony since Sunday morning when I woke up. Now of course I thought I had just slept funny and had cramp but it got worse, and now the point between my shoulder and neck is so painful that when I move my neck or arms I feel the strain.

I had to give in and see the chiropractor. He manipulated every part of my back, parts I didnt even think were affected. He told me that all the muscles were so tight and tense ( well Im sure he used better descriptions) and basically that I was in a bad way.

My main problem, I don'd drink enough water, and I know I don't. Water helps our bodies in so many ways. Ways in which we do not realise. It helps the movement of our muscles and joints.

How can something so simple and so basic be the most simple cure for so many things. Or at least the right path to it.

All detox and diets tell us to drink as much water as possible, for it is that that flushes our system clean. Drink natural juices, from fruits that have been blended. Everything in its purest form is the healthiest for our bodies, It is what our bodies were born to survive on.

We were not designed to drink coke and eat chips all day. We were designed to eat the things that surround us. Well that,s what I am sure we were meant to do.

That is also why we have so many obese people now in this day and age because we starve our bodies of the natural goodness that fruits and vegetables grown from the ground provide us with.

The BEST detox i ever want on was through the Tony Robbins programme. I can't remember the last time I felt so amazing! I was getting up naturally at 6am, running, my skin was amazing my eyes brighter, I was glowing.

All the diet consisted of was vegetables and fruit and water. No fish,no meat, no salt, no sugar, no fat, no dairy. NOTHING but vegetables fruit and water.

http://www.energiseforlife.com/tony_robbins_ten_day_challenge.php

All the basic things full of nutrients and goodness. We don't need protein so they say, you get enough nutrients from the fruit and veg.

I never looked or felt better, so If you want to get this feeling, do the same, try it. See how you get on, just for 7 days.

And you will see that it really does prove that when you go back to basics you can get a great result.

Confidence- Where does it come from?

2010-01-19T14:35:00.000-08:00

When do we become confident? Is it the first day of nursery when our mum's drag us through the the door kicking and screaming because we don't want to be left? the first time we have to stand in class and read out loud, or our first day at a new job? How do we learn it? And why do so many of us lack it?

I have always been fairly confident, but only in a group of people I know. It takes me time to get to know and trust people and be totally at ease. I am always the one in a bar or club that will sit fairly quietly and wont speak unless Im spoken to too, which can often come across as moody. Which I am not at all. I just generally don't come across as the loud outspoken girl of my group.Although I can be when I want to.

When I need to take charge I am confident to speak my mind, especially when it comes to complaining!! Any of my good friends will tell you I love to complain when out for dinner. I wish I didn't, but If I am not happy I will speak my mind, in most situations.

Confidence is one of those things we all learn. Some children are naturally confident from a young age, they will be born performers, showmen, up on a stage taking part in singing competitions or putting on plays for the family.

I could think of nothing worse than standing on a stage performing in front of people, be it 2 or 2000 people. I am much more a behind the scenes kind of girl, which is why this profession suits me. I am the one that makes it all work, I work for the main act, and am happy to be behind them supporting them silently, I enjoy seeing other people perform and enjoy the limelight.

Sometimes though we all need to use our confidence to get us places, put on an act of bravado and make ourselves believe that we can be who we want to be and talk to who we want to and achieve what we want to by bringing the inner self out, or nothing can ever be achieved.

There are times in life when we need to find our inner confidence and bring it to the surface and make ourselves known and be heard.

I am in the process of realising this at the moment so that I can improve my business strategies and achieve my goals.

I have had to find my inner confidence again to contact those above me that can help me achieve my goals, those that I need to take time with ,sit, listen and learn from.

They always say you should surround yourself with those whom you look up to, strive to be like and admire, for it will make you better yourself, never surround yourself with those who are negative or bring you down or resent or are envious of what you are doing. You should only ever have the most respect for someone who is trying to make their lives better, whatever way that may be, writing songs, opening a beauty salon, starting a children's dance class. Never doubt anyone.

The achievers of this world are not shy and retiring, they know their product, whatever it may be, and can talk about it and sell it with their eyes closed, these are people that have the confidence in themselves, that know no limits and only believe in themselves to achieve great things.

Sometimes we just have to let go and go it alone, for no one but us can achieve what we want without self belief that this is just the beginning of a new venture, because if I don't believe who will?

For anyone thats any point of self doubt or suffers low esteem or just needs a boost, try this guy out: Tony Robbins:

I went on his course once and he is AMAZING, some of his rules I still put into practice today, he is as good as they say he is.

Try it for yourself. When he comes to London next, I promise you you won't be disappointed. Have an open mind, what harm can it do.

http://www.tonyrobbins.com/Home/Home.aspx

nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day x x x

If I could I would - buys this week

2010-01-18T15:15:00.000-08:00

ALL CLASSIC , WEAR AGAIN AND AGAIN PIECES!!! ALSO PERFECT FOR GOING INTO SPRING!!! IF YOU BUY ONE THING, THE BELSTAFF BOOTS !!! WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!! perfect with denim shorts in the summer, feminine dresses, the list goes on, they are AMAZING !!

Guisseppe Zanotti Shoes

Miu Miu Handbag

I WANT THEM ALL !!!!!

TIP 2: LOTTERY TICKET THIS WEDNESDAY !!

GOT TO BE IN IT TO WIN IT !!

Its not always the cost.................

2010-01-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

I dont know about you, but for me, the feeling of doing something for someone that has not cost you anything or at least minimal amounts is a better feeling than something that does. Why is that?

Painting someone s little girls nails for free that takes you 5 minutes, when they have come for a manicure, and sticking little gems on them, knowing it makes the little girl feel like a princess, and the mum happy because her daughter has been made to feel special too, or just by popping

round someone's house to say hi and catch up unnannounced.

We have all heard the saying it's the thought that counts? Well it is true. When you know someone has taken time to plan something or has put a lot of thought into what to do for you, it can mean more than just a material object that has been placed before you.

Sometimes our time and actions can mean a whole lot more than the gift itself.

Offering to look after someones' kid's on an evening as you know they need time alone, looking after someone when they are ill, making your mum a cuppa, running someone a bath, all these things can be recognised as thoughtful, things that you have gone out your way to do.

So with Valentines coming up next month, this is when we need to get our thinking caps on and do something that shows more thought and romance than just gifts with no cards etc.

If you really want to impress someone, think about what they really like, what makes them

happy, what could be more useful to them, what will last, what will make them think of you

more for what you had to arrange to get it than the present itself.

Time is the most valuable thing to all of us, we all wish there was more of it and treasure what we do have.

So whatever you do, in the time you have to do it, remember it is not always the cost.

Oh and if you need any ideas, you know where I am.

nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day x x

tip: hand written cards,with messages of support, love, any reason, sent or hand delivered. Post- it notes hidden in a gym bag or just stuck to the fridge or bathroom mirror, very very simple but always 100% effective.

You get out what you put in

2010-01-17T10:24:00.001-08:00

Hey all, I apologise for my abscence the last 2 days, I was out the last 2 nights

working late and was generally so shattered I was getting bloggers block ! ha ha

I am at the beginning of what I believe could be a great idea for my business to help it expand etc, but what is stopping me? time? commitment? money? Why haven't i done it as yet? Why hasn't someone else done it?

Most of us at some point in our life or even everyday have an idea about something that should be invented or that we would like to do, but how many of us follow it through.

Most things that surround us and help us have come from one persons idea. Ideas to help other people improve their lives are generally the ones that make the most money.

So how do you know yours will work, be it a plan, a change of lifestyle, product or service? You don't know, so thats why you have to try for yourself. Ask your friends and family for their opinions, and if it seems that most people agree, then what is stopping you.

The main ingredient to any success is hard work.

Not many of us are lucky enough to not have to work, we have to work to get what we want, for those of you that are, thats not fair!!!

I am just going to keep tapping away and working hard, I'm sure what I want to achieve is only round the corner.

Nite nite and remember tommorrow is a new day.

xxx

Too much too soon?

2010-01-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

On a recent visit to my friends house this week, whilst we were sitting and chatting, her 4 year old son took her mobile, made us pose, and took a picture. We later discovered he had managed to put the picture of us he had taken on her screen saver, WOW!

Was it pure chance that he had pressed the 'save as wallpaper' button or was it because he has spent hours playing around with it and actually had figured it all out.

On another occasion this week I watched as a friend asked a younger sibling how to edit or move an item on their computer through facebook and all manner of questions about this particular problem he had, the teenager talked him through it step by step, to my amazement.

How do the younger generation know so much already?

It is amazing, anything to do with technology that includes mobiles computers they know it all and anything to do with general life they seem to be far more aware, or at least they think they know. They may not have experienced it but they are aware it happens, exsists or goes on.

In the case for technology, this is brilliant, whether they take an interest in computers through the fact they can cut,add, copy, paste and forward etc etc through using facebook is irrelvant, the fact that they can do this at all is good. They know how to block people altogether, stop certain people looking at their work , passcoding certain pages, you name it they know it.

This got me thinking about the downside of knowing too much.

We try and make sure we teach our kids the right things at the right time, as the world has taught us. We have an educational cycle, a plan, a mould that we are all meant to adhere to.

At certain times we expect our children to ask questions about sex, violence drugs, all the things that we don't want them to know really, but we are realistic and at some point know the day will come when we have to explain all manner of questions.

Some of us probably feel like we grew up too soon, we may have had problems in our homes that meant we had to mature quickly and take control of situations that we may have been too young in fact to deal with emotionally. But we did it.

We don't want this to happen for our own children, we want them to enjoy their childhood, experience life in its innocence for as long as they can , for we know what the future can bring.

We do our best to make sure they do not watch the wrong programmes or films that open their eyes to too much, where they could witness children being killed, poverty, rape and all kinds of violence and drug abuse.

Films like Saw, Hostel and Childsplay have all now become to realistic and seem to be the base of what the filmakers produce, fantasy horrors rarely exsist, the more realistic the better. Why do we want to watch these films knowing that this could actually happen to us.

This is why films like Harry Potter, Avatar and anything that catapults us into a far away, make believe world are always going to be the films we really enjoy the most.

There are some things that we just cannot stop. All we can do is guide, knowing that we have done our best to protect and teach those around us and less aware the reasons behind our actions and those of others, and why certain people act in certain ways.

Our children do not need to know everything now, let them learn for themselves and be confident that you have done your best to raise them into the child you want them to be.

My buy of the day: The new video camera by Cisco called FLIP. Capture all the good moments, the ones we can play back to our children, and they can play back to theirs.

It has been rated in all the top gadget mags, capture up to 60 mins of anything you want to film, in HD!!! then connect straight to your laptop bu USB. And the size of a mobile.

www.fireboxcom. to buy !!!

Anyway nite nite, and remember tommorrow is a new day xx x x

What do we ACTUALLY pay for?

2010-01-13T12:39:00.001-08:00

As most of you may or may not realise I live and work In surrey, which overnight became an Ice Skating rink, the small windy roads and hills were covered in Ice, snow, sludge. School was cancelled so no school run but I still had errands that I wanted to do. Surely my short trip up the road would not be a problem.

One hour and a half later, I am WALKING back to work to get a shovel to return to the 4x4 I have had to abandon as I am stuck at the bottom of a hill, along with apparently 30 or so cars, also all stuck. They were on the pavement, the verge in the middle of the road, I luckily slid sideways not rolling, which I feared as the hill was not that steep but steep enough, and the brakes did not take effect. I was in an automatic, I had pressed the picture you press when your going up or down a slope thats hard ( only because a man who was standing by the side helping people told me too!!! ) whoops! but that still did not work.

These roads in my area really are treachourous and as bad as they say they will be, but I was in a 4x4 or was I? Other 4x4 looking cars were also seeing the problem and turning around at the earliest opportunity, especially after seeing me walking back down the road!!

So X5's arent generally known for holding the road, so I have learnt? They are generally just to look good !! It isnt a good look when you cant control it, and everyone in their Land Rovers are driving past with a smirk!! To be fair, even they were struggling, there were very few cars that were able to get anywhere fast or without help on these minor roads. So what have we paid for? Not just in the car but for the roads to be cleared?

So it made me think, when we buy something like a 4x4 or a car that looks like a 4x4 what do we get? Do we fast forward and imagine ourselves in this position or do we just think we just like how this car looks. The weather conditions arent generally this bad. So Idoubt we all do think this way. We dont all automatically go out and buy new snow tyres or grit or shovels!! We are never prepared enough. The last few days proves this , the country is chaotic.

I know I am probably the worst person to talk about buying things overpriced, as I love nothing more than a beautiful pair of shoes, handbag or an item of clothing, but it goes back to the feeling you get when you wear that piece of clothing or own that item. It doesnt owe you anything more than that feeling. Its not a purposeful product like a car.

The same applies to most things in life where we feel like we have been sold a poor service or an Item which isnt worth its weight in gold.

In general in this area cleaners even have limits, they arent old fashioned cleaners who spend hours making sure every inch of your house is clean, they wont even come in a room if its too messsy or your tennagers havent picked up their clothes, they will complain that it isnt their job to tidy, to just clean?

So who do you pay to tidy before the cleaners come round? I know the children should keep their rooms clean, but whose teenagers actually do? I appreciate that they havent got hours to spare to tidy every room before they clean, but a thorough clean isnt needed every day, just once a week, but often or not a deep clean is now charged at a ridiculous price anyway or they will be their the whole day to clean your whole house. teams of cleaners often come in, in groups of 10 or more and flurry around and are gone within 2 hours, but have they actually cleaned anywhere thoroughly? So your house will just get a general tidy every day or week, month however often you can afford a cleaner!! If at all ! And if you dont then you know how many hours you spend cleaning the house before it is messy again and realise if and when you do pay for a service you want and expect a good job. So if you want a good job done.....

In the Industry I work in you have to pay a lot of different people to do different jobs, not any one person will always be able to do everyhting for you you really do have to pay over the top to get an excellent service, you need more staff in your house if you want it tidy all day and thoroughly cleaned, you need a PA, a nanny, and a cleaner its rare you can pay one person to do all these jobs themselves and do it well. People will often buy a different car for different occasions to deal with the conditions of the road, your already top of the range 4x4 wont cut it if you want it to plough through snow and look good. Of course in general the more you pay the better the service or product, or the longer it will last, but no matter what you pay nothing can change the weather conditions or prepare you for it and no one can cope with it any better than the other, we are all left in the same position, stranded in one way be it by bus, car, plane or train, delayed flights and homebound or on a coach for 11 hours from edinburgh when you were meant to fly to Heathrow!!

There are some things money can't buy as they say.

Nite nite, and remember Tommorrow is another day xxxxxx

Do we really want to know it all??

2010-01-12T13:58:00.000-08:00

I am on twitter, so I tweet, I have a blackberry, so I use blackberry messenger, I am also on facebook and general email.

If you need to contact me there are many ways. I have my own business with a website where you can find basic information about what I do and who I am and through that you can send me an email or call me.

If you go through facebook you can see who I am friends with, what comments I make to them and get a general picture of my social circle. That is if I accept you as a friend on facebook, which nowadays people accept anyone, random people they have never even met to boost their friends list. Some people ( more teenagers) have thousands!!

On twitter you may receive my updates every 5 seconds, minutes or hours, whenever I want to share my information with my followers I can!! Or I can follow practically anyone from my best friend to Brad Pitt and see what he is twittering on about on a daily basis. All this is meant to be in real time so the person on the receiving end knows how your feeling and what you are doing the second after you have experienced it and reported it, tweets can vary from If i have have had to wait too long at the doctors to if I have just been dumped and dont know what to do!!!

Our lives are not as private as they once were. But thats our choice, it isnt anyone elses, it is our choice to make our lives as public or as private as we wish.

When we want the spotlight, be it to promote our business, our album, perfume, or the fact we are getting married then we will shout it out through any means possible, but when we don't how do we reduce this all instantly without upsetting our 5000 friends on facebook when they dont understand why you have suddenly deleted them from your friends list or havent invited them to your wedding.

Of course we only share what we want to and our real friends know the truth ( although still may get upset if they have gone down in our list of top friends /a table created by facebook), but people take the way of contacting each other now to such extreme levels of hurt or disapointment if you chose the wrong methods of communication, this can cause a huge argument or debate as to why you chose facebook or twitter to end a relationship or announce your pregnant instead of pick up a phone and call.

BT have got it spot on. Their latest adverts are perfect, they state exactly what we all seem to be caught up in, constant rushed conversations on a mobile instead of long relaxed in depth conversations, Im completely guilty of that. Because we all feel we have to do and say so much quicklym we end up rushing everybody off to deal with the next thing on our minds. We dont do anything slowly anymore.

The part of today that really made me start thinking of how bad it has got, was a broadcast message on my Blackberry. This means it was sent to a whole group of people, not just me, by someone that I know well. You generally only have your close friends on your Blackberry meesenger although some people do use it on a wider basis.

The message was a generated text asking personal questions about yourself, and for every answer you got a monetary reward, you would add up the reward and then post this on your blackberry status. So everyone who has got this message which would have been a few thousand today as thats generally how these things go through facebook etc would know what that monetary status meant, the higher the worse the lower the better to put it nicely.

So all your friends on your blackberry would know at some point what this meant, oh and your boyfriends mum whos also on blackberry oh and your boyfriend??!!

Why would you want to broadcast this information to anyone, Why would you even want to get involved in this? Well you do because it is quite amusing but in later thinking and in the grand scheme of things before you broadcast the message you think about whos going to see this and do you actually want them all to know this much about you. When is too much to much, why do we need to know it all? This leads to the converstaions with your partner afterwards, all the questions you dont actually want answered, or dont even want to ask.

Everyone has a history, good or bad, why do we need to know everything about everyone. I thought the best part about being friends with someone and having friendships marriages on all levels and types of relationships is gettting to know one another as we are, growing together, learning together and just being ourselves.

The more we know about a person the more likely we are to be dissapointed or to build barriers before we even have a chance to actually find out who they really are by sitting with them face to face, not email to email, tweet to tweet or phone call to phone call.

Nothing can replace time spent in each others company to find out the true value of your relationship. Full stop.

Nite Nite, and remember Tomorrow is a new day xxx

Does warm milk work? Lou?

2010-01-11T14:58:00.000-08:00

I know I have talked about afternoon naps before and how I found myself becoming accustomed to them lately, but what about when you need to sleep at night time.

Why do so many people find it so hard to sleep at night while others can sleep with no problem, some till midday or later. Why do we differentiate in our sleeping patterns?

I for one fall asleep in minutes, as soon as my head hits the pillow I am asleep, and I could sleep anywhere, and I mean anywhere!! I have been known to sleep at a house party ( in my teenage years of course) on a work kitchen top, as there were literally bodies everywhere! It was a very small flat a long time ago.

I did go through a stage where I couldnt sleep at all, music, warm baths and cammomile tea wouldnt even send me to sleep. In the end the only thing that made me sleep was a lavender spray from boots. I would spray it every night about half an hour before I wanted to sleep and close the door. Then when I went it to my room later the smell would just make me fall asleep in minutes.

I think for most people sleeping is not a problem as they are generally so tired from a days work they look forward to their bed and are closing their eyes before they even reach the bedroom.

From reading books to articles in magazines, the most common causes of insomnia are stress, depression and caffeine.

They say you shouldn't drink caffeine late at night, watch tv or even have a tv in your bedroom, but as I type this I am sipping on a delicious latte that I have made myself with milk boiled in a pan and frothed with a small whisk, mmmmmmm, so that alone, plus typing makes me sleepy.

They also say that routine can help you sleep. Do the same thing before you go to bed every night and your brain will tell you that this normally indicates sleep soon. Maybe it will work maybe it wont, its all horses for courses. I presume if you really are finding it hard to sleep try all natural remedies and solutions before seeing your doctor. I dont believe medication is the answer when it comes to sleep. If you become reliant on this you will never be cured, but thats my opinion, its a vicious circle.

My reccomendation, put on your most mellow album ( I think with headphones makes a huge difference) for me, Its India Irie- Voyage to India. When I was younger It was panpipes! ( I mean, where did I even get that CD) surely it was my mums.

Get yourself a warm drink maybe even warm milk, it has that same feeling the Beatrix Potter books do that take you back to being a child, and that was obviously given at bedtime to make us sleep or is it all just pyschological, but surely the smell not just the taste makes you feel like you need to be in bed when you drink it.

Maybe this will work for you or at least help,if you dont like milk then I suppose hot chocolate, although im sure the sugar would keep you awake? Im not sure, I think ill look into it.

For now, goodnight, sweet dreams and remember 'tommorrow is a new day'

xxxx

See there is a difference?

2010-01-10T15:25:00.000-08:00

Would you believe I came home tonight late and was hungry still ( I can eat!!! ) little and often though, and my flatmates boyfriend had cooked me Jerk Chicken and rice too ( he is english) and he said what other parts would he use? Oh and the recipe said he should use that.

And it was a big beautiful bit of breast meat,which was actually very tasty indeed !!!!

So was I right, yes?

See there is a difference !!!

Nite Nite, and remember Tommorrow Is A New Day xx

Which class are you in?

2010-01-10T11:28:00.000-08:00

So I'm sat at dinner tonight and my plate arrives. Home cooking you cannot beat, I love any type of food from any part of the world that is home cooked.

It smells and looks delicious and has my favourite parts of the chicken on the plate. Thighs,drumsticks and Wings! All perfectly marinated. Now I know for a fact that a lot of you may be squirming at the thought of eating meat off the bone!

Why? Because those parts of the meat are deemed as the worst?? Aren't they the juiciest? The tastiest? Or are they looked at as the parts with the least meast on them so no one ever wants those bits?

I envision going back to cave man days where you can picture them ripping the meat off the bone and holding the drumsticks in their hands ? Is this messy? And fiddly? Is that why? Is it because animals tear meat off a bone?? Are we compared to them if we do this? Is it uncouth?

In a lot of afluent areas restaurants,pubs,bars,homes you won't ever be served meat on the bone. But go to less affluent areas and no one will blink twice at being served meat on the bone.

The chicken in an affluent area will have been carved for only the best parts, it will have been completely filleted and all the fatty bits taken off. The best meat will only be served which is the breast. Who eats the rest? No one it will be binned? So why in some households some races and Cultures is the breast meat the last to be eaten? Why do some people prefer meat off the bone? Is it our class? How we have been brought up?

My mum as I remember always ate breast meat, she was very Well brought up in a traditional family, but then later married my dad and learnt to cook in sri lanka their way and all meat used was thighs and drumsticks as they make for a tastier curry.

More ethnic cultures eat meat off the bone whereas traditionally english people won't.

Why do I only like these parts most, as a very young child I remember only eating drumsticks and wings. Does this mean I/we are defined in class because of what meat we choose or eat? For I will always choose the drumsticks of the roast chicken, the juicy underneath bits are my favourites I find the breast to dry. So I never eat this.

So am I frowned upon for doing so if I'm in a room of people next time? Depends I suppose where I am and whom I'm eating with.

Its a simple thing that you may not have ever noticed when sat next to someone ordering food or you are in a restaurant. And it was only today that made me think of it as I always use the best meat to cook for friends and family no one but me likes meat on the bone.

I'm obviously in a class of my own!!!

sent from dilly@perfectme.co.uk

www.perfectme.co.uk

Change Your Location

2010-01-09T13:04:00.000-08:00

When was the last time you had an afternoon nap? Can't remember? Well neither could I till recently.

The last few months I have found that I have become quite use to them! There is nothing better than sitting down on a saturday or sunday afternoon and watching some tv then finding yourself drifting off, then you wake up and a few hours has passed and no one has woken you or disturbed you.

What a luxury, but why does this happen? Because Im not in the place where most of my life goes on, Im not in my working environment, my home, Im not even in my area, thats why.

I believe the only reason I have finally learnt to relax at weekends and unwind is my change of location.

So this is why people go on holiday, go away for a weekend, this is why weekends and holidays are so precious to people,as this is the only time that you finally unwind. You can't do this when your in an environment that doesnt allow you to relax and for me, even being in my area means I cant.

So if your in need of a break and would like to get use to having afternoon naps again and actually winding down and shutting down, do this, book a weekend away, even if its an hour away from your home, the difference you will feel.

So apart from where I am now, if I could reccommend anywhere in the UK to wind down, it would be here. Babbington House in Somerset. Its amazing inside and out.http://www.babingtonhouse.co.uk/

And soooooooo.... now I am relaxed I off to liven up and party the night away !!!! What will I be wearing though in these freezing temperatures? Nothing too sensible Im afraid, sequin mini, t shirt, tights, Christian Louboutin shoe boots,and my make up? mmmm smokey eyes I think.

See my make up tip of the week by Emily from MAKE UP YOUR DAY, which im going to attempt to try on me !!!

Using the Chanel quartette eye shadow ( thats what I have ) or whatever your chosen palette or shadow is , wet the tip of your brush and almost make into a paste for a stronger more defined colour or use wet to create a thinner line. Smudge the line underneath to create the look underneath the eye.

So enjoy your Saturday night, im off to get ready!!!

Remember tommorrow is a new day xxx nite nite xxxxx

Football or me ?

2010-01-09T04:41:00.001-08:00

Is it me or have all men gone totally insane with the loss of no football for the whole weekend? All I am hearing is what will I do, on twitter and on facebook?

What do they do? Like there is nothing else that could possibly be thought of apart from this on a saturday.

Actually,I did ask once, What if I was to come downstairs looking hot in my underwear, would you stop and pay me some attention?

The answer was, Why would you choose to do that in the only 90 minutes of the day that Im not interested?

You got the whole day and night to do that, so its selfish on you to choose that time? Its not fair, would I try and interrupt you while you watch Sex and the City? No?? ( And youd be right not to )

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hes got a point.... or has he?

So what If i want to interrupt your game, be lucky I am here at all to interrupt your game? Football will not wash the dishes cook for you, look after the children or you when you are sick.

So FOR ALL YOU MEN I understand the whole thought process and the passion for the game , but maybe now and again take some time out and pay some more attention to your loved ones !! Even if it is just at half time!! And if you are lucky enough to get some form of distraction, SKY PLUS? Greatest invention of all time !!!!

Enjoy your day,and play FIFA if its thats bad!!!!!!!!!!

xxx